The therapist who had been recommended to me told me that before he took me on, I needed to go through an evaluation at the Johns Hopkins Sexual Behaviors Consultation Unit. Because of this, my therapy has been on hold for three months, the soonest an appointment was available.
My evaluation was yesterday and I found it a harrowing experience. I feel like I waited all this time just to get less than professional treatment.
Are my expectations too high? Is this the way I should expect to be treated?
* The resident who interviewed me had only worked with one transgender person before. She immediately addressed me as Mr. G___ (I'm not actually sensitive about being misgendered, but many are. Shouldn't she have asked? Esp. given that I was dressed in a wig and women's clothes.)
* The initial interview asked me very little about what being transgender meant to me. A lot about my history, my family, my job, my sexual fantasies, my relationship history. It almost seemed like the questions about transgender were an afterthought.
* After an hour break, I was brought in to see the teaching doctor, who I knew had been watching through glass. His questions felt almost like a cross-examination. When I asked him why he took an adversarial stance, he said he didn't think I had put enough thought into the decision to transition. (Is transition a decision? Doesn't feel that way to me. Feels like something I'm being driven to by the difference between my insides and my outsides.)
* He asked me questions like, how did I know I wouldn't hate having breasts and what would happen if other women didn't accept me as one of them after transition. (Have other Trans women been asked questions like these? How did you answer?)
* He kept bringing up his concerns that I didn't hate my body. "I've seen people who hated touching their body so much that they couldn't bear to urinate standing up." He seemed to think accepting my male genitals made my case atypical. (Aren't there a lot of trans women that don't hate the male parts of their bodies? And is there any such thing as a typical Trans case?)
* After the questions, he gave me his conclusions: That I was suffering from Gender Identity Disorder and that he would refer me to a therapist who specialized in transgender people. (Did I really need a four-hour evaluation for that? Wouldn't it have been easier to ask what my problem is and what I needed? And isn't transgender no long a "disorder"?)
* He also raised his voice to me and told me that transitioning without taking my teenage children to see a therapist was irresponsible. (Is it precedented for a mental health professional to raise his voice at an adult client? And does a therapist really need to oversee all elements of a transition? Is it possible that transgender parents might be competent to decide whether and when their children need therapy and be trusted to provide it when needed?)
* I got the impression that it was assumed my aim to transition would be considered hasty and impulsive until my answers demonstrated otherwise. (Isn't that kind of treating me like a child? Shouldn't it be assumed that an adult knows what is needed unless responses indicate the contrary?)
* After I was greeted on the way in, the first office I was led past belonged to Paul McHugh (McHugh argued in the 1970s that transgender people were delusional and that SRS only fed into their delusions. He set back transgender care by decades. He was forced to retire, but apparently still has an office there. Wouldn't parading me by his office be just a tad insensitive?).
For people who've gone through therapy: Is this typical? Am I just being thin-skinned?
