Coming Out To Parents (Not Immediately)

[Magical3]

Hello I am new here to this community, and fairly new to the actual transgender, transexual community. I am a young man, who for the last 3-4 years or so has realized he was actually a she. I am struggled with this, the whole gender disphoria, particularly today. Today was a bad day, I have been felling depressed, and through exploring the whole community on the web empowered, to actually do something. But I am so nervous, that I can't ever imagine telling my parents. I am not saying telling them right now, but sometime within a year or so. Not during this school year anyway. But at the same time I want to tell them, but not take immediate action. I want to get some therapy, but I can't do that for money purposes, my Mom knows whenever I spend any of my money on my credit card. So I just wanted some tips on getting started, because it is hard without any way to purchase anything. I don't think my parents would disapprove, we have always been an open family, and not very religious(If at all), so for the most part I am not concerned. But I just afraid of what could happen. So any tips, personal experiences, etc. would be great. Thanks!

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Magical3,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8660 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Janet 

[Kevin Peña]

I came out to my hyper-Catholic mom, and she always considered me to be "her biggest mistake", yet she didn't flip out. She just told me that she thought I was wrong and otherwise didn't care (in the bad way, like she gave up on me).

My dad, however, understands and just wants me to be happy, but would rather I not do this. He knows it's my decision, though.

My sister was taken by social services, my parents are split, and as a result, I get to see my dad once per week. Thus, by the description you gave us of your parents, I think you can count yourself lucky. I'm sure they'll love you no matter what. 

[Magical3]

Sorry, I will read more carefully next time. Also I forgot to mention that in a casual conversation between my grandparents and my parents, about being gay, they asked my parents what they would do if I was gay, and they said that it wouldn't effect them, and it's not a choice. I believe them. But transgender is much different, because of physical changes. I think it would go well. But my grandparents would be harder to talk to, but I think that it would work out. I just have a lot of questions, and it seems like in transitioning, the earlier the better. But is it better to do before college? Thanks, just having a weird day, and unrest, and the questions just keep flowing.

[Annah]

Hi Magical3

I was in your shoes in 2009/2010 when I came to the realization I needed to transition. I hadn't told my family either.

However, November of 2010 I finally did....but I did put a lot of work into the behind the scenes:

I went to Seminary in September of 2010. Went fulltime my first day there. Started my new facebook. Completely changed how I used to look like.

Then in November (a couple months later after fulltime), I emailed my mom a 5 page letter explaining EVERYTHING. I even gave her my facebook link.  While I was at a Seminar, she told three of my brothers and sisters....and when the Seminar was over, my entire family (300 people) knew lol

Later she said what really made it easier for her was seeing my facebook pics. She said when I told her I was transgender, images of RuPaul and Rockey Horror Picture Show came to her mind. The pics of me relieved a lot of tension.

Sure, she had lots of questions and I answered every single one. She even bought me a very beautiful dress last year for our Seminary Winter Dance. So she took it very well. She told me it helped her a lot when I gave her resources (like the HRC website for parents with transgender kids, etc) so she could really study up on it.

I have somewhat of a pic of that dress..lemme pull it up


Bah, you cant really see the dress and its not a good pic but you get the idea. My mom sending me a dress was me knowing she accepted my transition

[Annah]

Hi Magical3,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8660 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Or a bloodbath or Biblical Proportions

[Cindy]

It is a strange road and to be honest I can no longer remember all the steps. Many are blurred in fear and worry and tears.

But none were bad.

Yes I had fears and everything, and many of us say how challenging the process is. Those concepts are true.

But.

There is self acceptance. The understanding that YOU are coming together.

It is almost too difficult to describe but gradually your brain accepts you, or you accept you brain?  You change, your perspectives in life change. The fears you had change. You become you.

I'll never walk down the street in a skirt. Why not?

I'll never present as me. Why not?

I'll never be accepted as a woman. Why not?

You are you. Why will you not be accepted as you?

Fear stops us. Once you face the fear and understand that fear is really nothing beyond a reaction to adrenaline and our desire to fit in. Then fear is nothing.


You may lose a lot, I hope you gain a lot.

I did.

Annah did.

Janet did.

OK we all have ways to go, but we are happy woman.

I cannot talk for Annah, sadly I do not know her well, but I do know Janet, and she and I have faced many a lonely night and many a day of despair and phone calls and pms and stuff.

But we have succeeded. We have kept ourselves alive. And dare I say we are happier than we have ever been, no matter what problems we still face.

I never really had friends, I had colleagues. I have met some awesome people at Sue's who are true friends.

Do you know what I did on Saturday?

I bought a weekly planner.

Why?

I've been invited out by different people every night (just about) for months.

I'm me and I love being me. And I'm happy.

So can you be.

Welcome and lets start the first steps.

Hugs

Cindy