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Detransitioning is harder than I thought

Started by MagicKitty, October 26, 2012, 02:22:04 PM

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Zoey

#40
It is very common for us to feel with certainty that "if I could wake up in the morning with this same personality in the body of (insert name of supermodel) then I would be so happy and feel so right."

And this is undoubtedly true. As MTF transgendered people, we would feel so radiantly happy and "right" if we could live in cute, NORMAL female bodies. But we can't. Life does not have that in store for us. We can only attempt to approximate being physically female, and it is sometimes incredibly daunting to feel so female inside, and then look in the mirror and be so very far from "normal" looking. We desperately want our outside to match our feminine inside, but these testosterone-ridden bodies do not make that easy, hon.   Some of us are blessed with naturally feminine looks and so for them the MTF journey is quite a bit easier in some ways. But others have to really struggle with creating appearances that they are happy with. At times, the task can seem so great that one wishes to quit the "uphill battle" and return to "how I am naturally" i.e. the born physical gender - because at least then, you will "look" normal and not so baffling or freakish looking. This is understandable.

But unless you are someone who looks naturally very pretty and feminine and passes easily...you will need to revise your goals, to de-emphasize the goal of physical feminine perfection and make natural self-expression your top priority. If you are truly a woman on the inside, then the most pleasurable and important aspect of living as a female will not be *looking attractive* but rather will be the newfound freedom to act spontaneously and naturally, in a way that you've always hidden from view as a male. I love being able to cross my legs, use my hands, speak and gesticulate and laugh in a way that I could never get away with as a male. Regardless of how pretty or feminine I look on a particular day, I always feel free to just be myself, nevermore feeling that stultifying sense of compression and rigidity I used to feel in my born gender.

If you feel that you are female, then live life as a female regardless of how attractive you feel as a female. If you feel male and enjoy your penis, then live as a male. If you sometimes feel male and sometimes feel female, then live your life as a natural male who cross-dresses as female sometimes.
If you keep wishing to transition and then wanting to detransition, no one will take you seriously and you may ultimately end up in the looney bin. IMO, you should not be transitioning with hormones until you are positive of who you are and what you want.
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sashaburn

Quote from: spacial on October 26, 2012, 05:49:59 PM
Firstly, there isn't a woman in existence who thinks she's perfect.

You obviously haven't met my wife!  ::)

The only uneducated (and late) comment that I think might need adding to this thread is that life seems endless when you are in your twenties.  By the time you get to my age - 50 - you realise that Ian Botham's great quote that this isn't a dress rehearsal, but the "real thing" is very relevant.  I just think you have to place timing somewhere in your considerations.  As many will say, its never too late, but it certainly doesn't get any easier as you get older.

I absolutely relate to the whole problem of passing.  Whilst luckier than many in terms of my physical appearance, the fear of always standing out and being thought of as some kind of freak, whether overtly or otherwise, is part of my nightmare scenario if I choose to transition.
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ashley_thomas

This is a fantastic thread, I'm considering low dose and hiding in public in guy mode.  Home is supportive, but I don't currently feel like going through the social upheaval to fully transition.  That could change and possibly or probably will, but in the meantime, I'd like to halt the T poisoning, have some subtle physical changes and experience alignment in my head.  Too much to ask?  Not a lot of info out there for those attempting this route...
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