HELP! been asked to a Hen Party. What do I do? :/

[muffinpants]

@ Sparrow - sorry, I know I'm not hip on all the terms. There are so many different ones to use when it comes to gender and sex I'm bound to use the wrong one every now and again

What I meant was that I'm not trans as in ftm or mtf but in general I am okayish with the female role.. mainly because there is more variety allowed. Perhaps I am trans in a sense? Idk! There are too many labels to sift through, I know what I feel for the most part so I'll just be happy with that.

[unknown]

muffinpants You could be genderqueer (that too is an umbrella term  ). Not male nor female. I identify as ftm agender (or semi male, masculine agender). I really don't care about gender, but I'm ok with the fact that people think of me as a guy. I'm really uncomfortable with being put in the female role and I really like to have a masculine body. I get dysphoria as other people have. You might be a little like me without the ftm transsexual part?

I'm getting off-topic here... Sorry 

[Kevin Peña]

Dude, just go, you defensive person.  You seem to be finding every reason not to say no now, so just do it. It doesn't make you a girl to attend a party for the sole reason of wanting to hang out with your friends.   

[~RoadToTrista~]

Idk, if it's comparable I think it would be a lot of fun being the only girl at an all guy party. Well unless I was the stripper or something, or if it was full of a bunch of annoying frat boys, or...... you know what? Nevermind.

[unknown]

Am I the only one that doesn't get why people do gendered things anyway?

[Kevin Peña]

Am I the only one that doesn't get why people do gendered things anyway?

No, I don't get it either. Co-ed stuffs can be fun. 

[Darrin Scott]

Am I the only one that doesn't get why people do gendered things anyway?

I think the reason is, people like having their own spaces for things. People want to be able to express themselves and be able to relate to one another within their own gender. Which is why I think I wouldn't want to be in women-only spaces, but to each their own. I think having some gender-specific stuff can be good actually.

[Brooke777]

I think having some gender-specific stuff can be good actually.

I agree with this. Co-ed stuff can be fun, but I know I need girl time every now and then.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, there are exceptions, of course. For example, none of my guy friends are willing to go girl clothes shopping with me. 

[unknown]

Well, there are exceptions, of course. For example, none of my guy friends are willing to go girl clothes shopping with me. 

That's so weird. I did that all the time when I waaaasss..... Wait a minute.... I was 13-14.... I only did it because they where my only 'friends'...

I agree with exceptions. People tend do do stuff together because they can relate to each other. If gender is one of the things so be it, but that is also why it will be uncomfortable to be a male invited to a female only party. Trans or not (even thought it will be hurting the person in question in two different ways.)

The reason why I said I didn't get gendered parties was because people said it was just nice to be together, but totally forgot why people sometimes do something only things and why it would be hard for a person not really qualified to it to be there.

[muffinpants]

@ Sparrow - Yeah I think that would probably be a better term to describe me, I pretty much just hate all gender boundaries. Though I know when given freedom of choice I gravitate towards somewhat feminine things, I hate myself for it but what can ya do.. it feels a lot more acceptable now that my significant other has come out as a transexual (mtf).. maybe I just hate people assuming that we are in a 'straight' relationship, idk.

[unknown]

Maybe you are bigender? (female and agender)

[MaxAloysius]

Okay, if it were me and I was the only guy who went to any old party, I'd probably be fine, but being a guy invited to a female-dedicated event would totally ruin it for me, no matter how good a relationship I had with the women involved. It's more about the dysphoria than anything else, and I totally get that.

You're in a tight spot though. For me I would either say no, or come out and say something along the lines of 'If you still want me to come as a close friend then I'd be happy to, but please don't expect me to present or act as female, and don't bug me when I choose to opt out of the spa-treatments.'

If you can't do either of those things though, take some 'extra-manly' things with you (fishing, sport, or motorcycle magazines, toy car construction set, etc) to recharge the man-battery at the end of the day, and help you feel better after all of the lace and fruity cocktails.

An awesome coping mechanism that helps me deal with dysphoria in a similar way to this is having something small and 'manly' (toy car, marble, multi-tool) in my pocket, as a sort of talisman that I can fiddle with when feeling uncomfortable or depressed. Really takes the edge off.

[tekla]

Things are gendered but it's not always monolithic.  I know several woman who are perfectly fine being out with the boys, and the boys are OK with them being there, and the same with men out with the women.  It's just a matter - like it is in all social situations - of knowing what the rules and guidelines are and staying within them.

I've read plenty of stuff in here about people who were 'uncomfortable' with their 'born-with' gender group, only to find out that they didn't like the other one much more.

[mixie]

I just thought of something else.   Doesn't  "OMG!  My friend decided to come out at my hen party"  sound like a whole lotta drama?  I mean the wedding is supposed to  be about the bride the bride the bride,  so you doing it now can be considered really tacky.  So with that in mind don't go or go and wear gender neutral clothing so as not to draw attention to yourself. 

[Arch]

Am I the only one that doesn't get why people do gendered things anyway?

I much prefer gendered events because I am not really comfortable with women IRL. So I tend to prefer all-male gatherings.

P.S. I had to look up "hen party," although I got the picture...

[unknown]

I much prefer gendered events because I am not really comfortable with women IRL. So I tend to prefer all-male gatherings.

P.S. I had to look up "hen party," although I got the picture...

As said earlier it was because all the girls on here said it would be no big deal, but I wanted to see their reaction if I completely put all gendered events in question. The result was how much they talked about that they liked gendered events  . I really don't get how they can say it's no big deal because you are with friends, but they really like gendered events. I'm not sure how that makes sense.

My logic is still: an all female event should never have a person of another gender (I'm not sure were genderqueer people are in this).

[Brooke777]

As said earlier it was because all the girls on here said it would be no big deal, but I wanted to see their reaction if I completely put all gendered events in question. The result was how much they talked about that they liked gendered events  . I really don't get how they can say it's no big deal because you are with friends, but they really like gendered events. I'm not sure how that makes sense.

My logic is still: an all female event should never have a person of another gender (I'm not sure were genderqueer people are in this).

For me, it was not too much of a deal to go to my best friends bachelor party. We have been friends since we were six, so I was happy to go and hang out with him on his special night.

Also, at times I prefer gender specific events and activities simply because I enjoy spending time with the girls. I feel more at ease. For some reason, when a guy is around I don't feel like I can say as much. It is not to say this is when all guys are around. Mainly just ones I don't know.

Does this make any sense?

[FTMDiaries]

My logic is still: an all female event should never have a person of another gender (I'm not sure were genderqueer people are in this).

I'm with Sparrowhawke on this: people - including cis people - are entitled to have gender-specific events if they wish. I find them annoying and unnecessary myself but people do have a right to specify who they want to hang out with. Personally, I would be very uncomfortable going to an event that was exclusively female, and more importantly, one that by its very nature would mean that all attendees would be presumed to be female. I'd feel awful to be grouped with them in that way, even if they were my friends.

However, for a hen party the most important person is the bride-to-be. If she's a good friend, why not talk to her and ask for her views on the subject? If you explain that you'd love to be there for her but you'd feel every uncomfortable with doing girly things or wearing specific clothes, she might have a solution for you. It might not be a problem after all.

[Adio]

I've read plenty of stuff in here about people who were 'uncomfortable' with their 'born-with' gender group, only to find out that they didn't like the other one much more.

Ha, that seems a bit like me.  I can talk with both men and women but prefer socializing with women and am sexually attracted to men.  I was very uncomfortable being around all women when I was being seen and related to as one.  Now that I am seen for whom I really am, a man, I find I enjoy talking with women more.  It's still awkward with other men, but I'm slowly getting over it, especially in the professional setting.