Well, I screwed up and outed myself

[kathy bottoms]

I was working on an email that was someday going to be sent to one of my cousins.  I also feel he's one of my very best friends.  The email isn't nearly ready and it's just a draft to work on when I have spare time.  (I do this with some business type emails that may not be sent for 2 or 3 months)  So I saved it before getting ready for bed, but I accidently clicked on Send.  Oh hell.

So this morning I called him in hopes of explaining what had gone wrong, and that I'd really appreciate it if he deleted the email without opening it.  I figured there was a slim chance that he'd delete it without reading it, and I had to try.  So when he answered the phone I immediately asked if he'd checked his emial yet.  He said no, but then wanted to know what he was supposed to be looking for.  At that point I realized the email Subject was "Coming Out - DRAFT", and not just DRAFT.  And then all I remember hearing myself say was "Blah Blah Blah, and Blah blah blah...... I'm coming out as Transgender."  There was a long silence.  I said I'm sorry, and then a little more silence.  Finally he said "Well, it's o.k. Joe, we'll talk later.  I have company for breakfast."  With that I just told him thank you, and said he may as well read the email now anyway.  He said he would, and that we'd go to dinner Monday and talk it over.

I'm really not ready for this.  My relatives in Michigan are some of the most coservative and religious people in the United States.  A lot of them don't own a TV, and some don't sing songs unless the song is a hymn and they're in church.  I really do trust this cousin a lot, and as long as my words stay with him it won't spread like wildfire.  Guess I'll find out at dinner on Monday.

And I keep thinking "I hope I didn't do this to myself on purpose."  This could even be funny if I weren't so stessed. 

Kathy

[Beverly]

Well Kathy ... you were coming out sooner or later so I guess you are just going to find out sooner. Either way this cousin would be no more or less trustworthy.

On occasion I get 'outed' by my wife. She has a mouth the size of a train tunnel and when she ahs had two glasses of wine her brain is no longer in control. Last night she blabbed a lot of my personal thoughts and feeling to 15 people in a restaurant. Actually she was loud enough that she did the entire restaurant and probably the street outside. I was so shocked I could not speak.

It is 6am here and I have not really slept at all. She is unconscious/asleep upstairs as I type this.

There are days that being trans is simply sh*t

[Elsa]

I know Kathy that it can be seriously stressfull when coming out and even more so when its by accident or by someone you trust.

At this point it would be too early to tell whats going to happen so give yourself a breather enjoy the weekend and do things you love.
There just isn't a better way to deal with stress and if there would not be any arguments or disagreements in the world.

A big hug from me, because I really think things might turn out ok... either way you get to know if you can trust your cousin and your relatives and look at the positive side - it had to happen at sometime.

It could be better that getting a hug from someone and then they realizing what the hell...? 
(kidding hon, just trying to cheer you up.  )

There no way to go back in the past and undo what was done with the email but at least you would be able to look forward to better days ahead...

[mixie]

You both are beautiful you know that?  And life is our journey that we won't regret right?   And in the end despite all the trials and tribulations we've gotten some amazing moments.  We've seen sunsets and sun rises,  watched the moon, watched the trees on a dark summer night sway.  Watched them turn in the fall.  We've laughed hard enough for our stomache to hurt.  We've eaten a cake or desert and wanted to eat the entire thing it was so good but restrained ourselves (most of the time.)  We've cuddled and held,  fumed and thrown things,  fallen and tripped,  swam,  sang and in the shower.  Smelled a fantastic scent.  We've listened to music and watched inspiring shows.  We've walked along the shore of water.  We've looked up at the stars.  We've seen an elephant.

Yeah along the way, the planets busy passengers get in our way, stab us through the heart, and screw up majorly.  But after all  life is beautiful.  You are beautiful.  Embrace!

[Beverly]

Thanks Mixie.

[Cindy]

Well life works in strange ways. But we keep on keeping on, a guess what? We end up winning.

Stand tall, push the boobs out, smile, and be yourself. If someone has a problem, it is there problem not yours.

I'm very proud of both of you Sisters

Hugs

Cindy

[Aleah]

This could be a blessing in disguise Kathy, sometimes things happen for a reason!

I often think about what it would be like if I was accidentally outed to my family, and feel how this might actually be "easier" way then having to build up the courage to do it myself. That way I would just be forced to deal with it.

I'm sure everything will work out fine Kathy, you might gain a supporter and an ally that will help you when it's time to come out!

[MagicKitty]

I came out to my sister when I was REALLY drunk one night, I sent her an email. She immediately called me and she was very confused, I had an extremely hard time explaining everything while I'm wasted. I woke up in the morning and I thought "did I really do that". Yep. I didn't tell her everything. I didn't tell her I had started hormones already. She still doesn't know. I had no preparation of what to say, because I was soooo drunk. But you've got time to think of what to say/ say in response, as questions will be asked.

[Apples Mk.II]

Never do these things from a mail address that does not have a "recall messages" functions...


I still have nightmares about the first time I screwed up with sending a message to a girl I liked.

[kathy bottoms]

Thanks girls.  Still stressed, and only 5 hours sleep in two nights now.  I'm going outside to get some work done just to keep my mind from racing.  It's almost 8:00 in the morning, there's a light dusting of snow on the ground again, and it's still kind of dark out up here in the copper country of Michigan.  But getting out will help.  I think.

And Mixie.  Those were wonderful words to wake up to.  You're kind and beautiful, thank you. 

Kathy

[A]

Just consider it less work to do for you. Normally, you would have worked on that email for a long time, and then stressed, stressed, hesitated a ton sending it. Now you're freed from that. A bit like when you tell your mother and she spreads the news to the family. It saves you work and stress.