The VICE Guide to Being Trans

[Shana A]

The VICE Guide to Being Trans

By Paris Lees

http://www.vice.com/read/the-vice-guide-to-being-trans

I'm a trans girl, BTW. So this is a guide to being a trans girl, really. Sorry trans boys, you'll have to make your own guide. I can't carry us all.

A - Androgyny
You know how when girls wear blouses that are clearly designed for girls but look a teeny tiny little bit boyish and the privileged twats at Vogue call it androgyny? It's not that. Only trans people, Teletubbies, and about four 80s pop stars can really pull off androgyny. Androgyny can be a mix of male and female markers, or a lack of both. Tits and a d---? Androgyny! Referring to transsexual models like Givenchy hottie Lea T, who is now a woman, as androgynous? Not androgyny!

[...]

D - Drag
Drag is a gateway drug, kids. So be careful when you're planning your next hilarious shenanigans. One minute you're having the time of your life, dancing around in a cheap party wig; the next your snorting estrogen off the back of a toilet seat. Seriously, it happened to me.

[Jamie D]

What happened to "B" and "C"? 

(The world wonders.)

[eli77]

Oh my god that was amazing. Like seriously awesome. I think I'm a bit in love with Paris Lees now.

[tekla]

all you have to do is quote Judith Butler, and cupcakes will appear.

Now that's funny.

But this is beyond awesome....


Every trans person ever has been approached by a documentary maker at least thrice. They're obsessed with us. Ground-breaking, they say, that's what it will be. Innovative. Sympathetic. Then they follow you around for six months, filming you doing genuinely interesting stuff (like putting on your first exhibition, or starting up your own magazine, or receiving an MBE and meeting the Queen of England) and churn out the same pile of ->-bleeped-<- that everyone else has for the last 35 years—the one where a trans woman puts on lipstick at a dressing room table before having her cock chopped off and recycled into a fancy new foof. Pretty soon I am going to make a documentary about these documentary makers and ask them questions like, "When did you first realize you wanted to make films about transgender people?" and "How did your family react to your decision?"

[Shana A]

What happened to "B" and "C"? 

(The world wonders.)

As I recall, some of the letters used various words that can't be quoted here 

Z

[suzifrommd]

This really picked up my spirits. Nothing like biting humor to bring out feelings that are too raw to look at otherwise.

[eshaver]

Damn, I best watch out doin # D !!!!!!!!!!!!! ellen

[Michelle-G]

After the opening line "Transgender is like a really extreme form of gay." nothing else that followed, although somewhat humorous and occasionally insightful, could sink in.  That "transgender is like gay" rubbish is exactly why we continue to be misunderstood.  Thanks for nothing, Paris!

[suzifrommd]

After the opening line "Transgender is like a really extreme form of gay." nothing else that followed, although somewhat humorous and occasionally insightful, could sink in.  That "transgender is like gay" rubbish is exactly why we continue to be misunderstood.  Thanks for nothing, Paris!

I'm pretty sure she was being ironic. In my reading the whole article was satirizing ridiculous things that cis (some of them LGB) say about us.

Of course I could be wrong. I'm a math/science type so my prose insight might be way off.

[Padma]

I took it as satire too. She's speaking from personal experience of stuff she's heard other come out with.

[Michelle-G]

I'm pretty sure she was being ironic. In my reading the whole article was satirizing ridiculous things that cis (some of them LGB) say about us.

Of course I could be wrong. I'm a math/science type so my prose insight might be way off.

OK, I'll concede that point, but if satire is the goal then she should study those who do it effectively and learn.  Shock or Offense does not equal Satire.  Satire will give readers a look at themselves and maybe even make them squirm, but if you rely on shock value to be noticed rather than using wit or wry commentary then writing satire is not what you're doing.

[Ave]

OK, I'll concede that point, but if satire is the goal then she should study those who do it effectively and learn.  Shock or Offense does not equal Satire.  Satire will give readers a look at themselves and maybe even make them squirm, but if you rely on shock value to be noticed rather than using wit or wry commentary then writing satire is not what you're doing.

I think she's pretty damn good at it.

[opheliaxen]

I loved this.

[opheliaxen]

After the opening line "Transgender is like a really extreme form of gay." nothing else that followed, although somewhat humorous and occasionally insightful, could sink in.  That "transgender is like gay" rubbish is exactly why we continue to be misunderstood.  Thanks for nothing, Paris!

Haha.  She was being sarcastic. 

[opheliaxen]

OK, I'll concede that point, but if satire is the goal then she should study those who do it effectively and learn.  Shock or Offense does not equal Satire.  Satire will give readers a look at themselves and maybe even make them squirm, but if you rely on shock value to be noticed rather than using wit or wry commentary then writing satire is not what you're doing.

It wasn't satire.  It was sarcasm like the rest of the piece.   It was well written.  She hardly needs to be freaking Voltaire to be allowed to be funny.  Humor helps deal with pain.