Having Second Thoughts

[AbbyJamz]

This is probably the most serious post I've ever made.  I'm having doubts about going through with transition.  I'm about 5 therapy visits in and I'm sure that HRT is right around the bend.  My wife and I have been fighting over my situation pretty much the entire year.  This weekend, I'm staying with two other trans girls who are suppose to make me over for a support group meeting today.  They helped me buy some things last night.  The whole situation is making me feel very awkward.  On top if that, I'm discussing the details of my problems and it just feels like they are just waiting for their turn to talk.  They are both having money issues and don't pass well and are barely getting by.  Is this what I want for my life?  To be made fun of by others, to be alone, to be broke and unable to afford anything, to lose my wife, to be ugly?  If anything, this weekend is making me feel worse rather than better.  I believe these girls are nice and sincere, but I just feel like I'm not suppose to be here right now.  I'm scared and don't know what to do.  I just want it all to go away so I can just live my life and be happy.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

You need to do what is best for YOU, and you alone.

Continuing with therapy can help with ether direction you want to go.

Blessed be in your journey, whichever direction you choice.

[Beverly]

If you are unsure then wait. Do not proceed if you are unsure.

[SUMMERWINE]

talk to your therapist thats what their for. you dont have to rush into anything and certainly dont have to present as female yet as your friends are. give it time and see how you feel. your not the only one on here whoes taken steps backward to get a clearer view of things. my advice is it has to feel a natural move more than anything and that will not happen overnight.

[suzifrommd]

Abby, you touched a nerve. I'm asking myself the exact same questions. The answers for me are very difficult. No I don't want to be ugly (and I will be if I present as a woman), no I don't want my marriage to fray more than it has already, no I don't want to spend gobs of money, no I don't want the world to look down on me. For me, though, I'm pretty sure it won't go away on its own. I don't want these things but I don't think I can bear the thought of spending another year as a man.

Good luck and hugs, Abby. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[Reagan]

I would say that transitioning is a very difficult process and it comes at a great price. To some it's more than others. I would say that if you are not sure about where to go next WAIT! Transitioning is not everyone's target solution. What I'm saying is, is that you and only you have to make the determination to transition. You have to feel that by doing so it will make your life livable. If you feel that by transitioning you will not be happy or worse then take the time to make the decision that will make you happy. Transitioning isn't a race... There is no right or wrong way to do it. It is a very personal thing and everybody does it in their own way. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Good luck! I hope you find your peace.

[Aleah]

I would echo the same advice already mentioned in this thread, that it is a very personal and difficult choice that should be taken with patience and self awareness.

But there is one thing that hasn't been mentioned, we often like to compare ourselves to people in similar situations to find some kind of familiarity on our outlook but this isn't a fair or accurate representation of our own situation or theirs.

I've read/heard about many trans horror stories, but also found many positive and uplifting stories. Stories of regret and dissatisfaction and stories of great struggle and difficulty that leads to eventual happiness and success. Just like any other kind of people, there are many life stories.

I'm in the exact same position as you, I've started therapy and have been considering transition for a while now. I'm still young (24) without any serious previous commitments and great job prospects in a country with good anti-discrimination laws, I have few friends and none I'm really close to, I've never been close to family except for my immediate family, so my situation doesn't really compare I imagine.

But I'm still having doubts, sometimes I am talking to my friend, or playing games, or studying, or something to distract me from my ruminations. And then I have a flash of thought, do I really want to transition? My life isn't so bad after all (if I keep myself permanently distracted). Then I think to myself, do I need to be suicidal to transition? Can't I just want to be happier and feel more like myself? Should I just put up with it and focus on just getting by as a male, however fake and shallow it gets.

Sometimes I wish it was black and white, that it was a matter of life and death. And some people think that it has to be but I've come to the conclusion that isn't a matter of life and death, for me but a step of self affirmation. I've always been proactive and optimistic and so far with no regrets, why shouldn't I apply that to my choice of transition? Finally feel whole and not fake, finally connect with people emotionally and make real friends, have real intimacy in a sexual relationship, etc. One day it might become really unbearable, should I wait for that?

These are all very personal questions that should be discussed with a professional. And ultimately, only you can really answer them.

I hope you find yourself, best of luck!

[MagicKitty]

Would you rather try and fail, or regret the fact that you never tried?

Look around at girls who do pass. In any part of life, you'll see those who fail, but there's also their counterpart, who succeeds and everybody looks up to them. If Frodo in the LOTR decided "hey, one does not simply walk up and drop the ring into the volcano", and said it's too hard... what would have happened. Life isn't about taking the easy path.

I've had second, third, fouth, fifth thoughts about transitioning. Every time it hits me in the face again and I keep going.

[Hayley Comet]

I know this is an old topic but I found it and just wanted to say thanks to everyone that offered their advice.  I'm totally feeling the same way and am only 6 weeks into hrt.  It really helped to read this thread - I don't expect anyone to reply to this just wanted to show my appreciation

[MelissaAnn]

Abbyjamz
You've received a lot of good advice here so far. I would like to that I'm on about my thousand thought about transitioning. What did make a differance for me is when I started HRT. Everything started to feel right... You will know if it's right for you, It's your decision and nobody else's. You need to explore your feelings and do what you feel is right for you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey. My the angles always be looking upon you on your journey.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[stephaniec]

I've lived most my life as male. I wish I could of transitioned at 4 , but it didn't happen. Its messed up , but I've done other things I'm very proud of. I am finally free at 62 though.

[Seras]

Would you be putting yourself through such a rubbish time if you did not have a good reason to do so?

[liz]

As others said, transition is not what anyone with gender disorder need.

In my case, like many others there, I did it as last resort. I tried to live as a man until 20 then I wasn't able anymore. When I began to see a serious therapist and started HRT it was an all or nothing. I had pretty good result, I'm pretty happy with myself and most of all I'm pretty happy how everybody see me now. The hardest part was when I started. I looked like a freak to others. Well now everybody see me as a woman.

The transition will act differently on everyone. If unsure you probably are not ready yet. Take time to think about it.