Dealing with loneliness and friend issues.

[unknown]

I'm extremely lonely  .

I have two friends that live really far away from me. The closest (and only I think) support group is just as far away (in the other direction). I haven't seen either in two mouths now. I feel really lonely. In school I just try ignore everything (because I'm out to them, but they don't care) for my own safety (talking about school making me want to commit suicide even more).

I have a local friend, but I just feel she is just a random stranger interrupting me when she want to hang out with me. She just talks about random stuff I don't care about/can't relate to. It doesn't really feel like she is a friend after she came out a straight (yes that sounds weird just keep on reading).
When we was younger (14 I think) we could relate a lot to each other because she was a tomboy (possible genderqueer) and I was agender (my stage before I fully accepted myself as male). We where also both asexual or at least I was. It just turned out she was a late-bloomer. This was kinda the only things we had in common.
Now she stopped wearing male clothes and the only things we talk about is a person she had a crush on that now have a girlfriend and how she is totally fine with that (she is properly not), how much she misses her friends (oddly the only thing we have in common) and her perverted humour (I'm have a vary high self-irony and sarcasm she really hates because it's so hard to notice for her.)

In short I can't see a reason we are friends. It seems to me that she cares for me so I have no idea how to tell her that we don't really are good friends. I'm not sure what to do with her  . I really think I will be as lonely with her as without her.

I'm not really sure what to do with my loneliness. It's tearing be apart. It feels like I'm just sitting on my computer all the time (I'm also outside, but this is how it feels) and doing nothing really useful. My real friend at home was really my mom, but now she is only here in the weekend. Because no one sees me as male in school I don't really want to be friends with them. The only time I don't feel lonely is when I'm with my friends or at my support group (I think If I could afford to go there more often I could make friends there). I really miss them all. I'm not going to any sports because sport doesn't really interest me.

Guys will you please be my friend 

If not. Do you know anyway to deal with loneliness and my friends problem?

[FTMDiaries]

I feel your pain. I have very few close friends myself, mainly because everyone I grew up with lives on a different continent than I do, so it's impossible to get together. Also, I'm an Aspie, so making friends is... not difficult exactly, but just something that I don't do a lot of the time. I'm more about quality than quantity.

I used to feel a bit inadequate because my daughter has over 200 friends on FB but I only have about 30. Then I realised that she's just a very sociable, neurotypical, friendly, ordinary teenage girl who is still in touch with her primary and secondary school friends so it's only natural that she have loads of friends online. How many of those 200 are her real, close friends that she actually does hang out with? Probably 5-10, I'd say. Of the 30 people on my social network accounts, I'd say that about 22 are close friends & relatives that I actually do talk to, gathered slowly over the years. Who is better off? Both of us, I'd say - we each have a level of online & interpersonal interactions that suits us.

It's difficult when your favourite people are far away from you, but this is not a permanent situation. As you move through life you'll attend different schools/colleges, different workplaces, different social groups... and friends will come and go in the natural flow of things as you move through those stages in life. Sometimes you can make new friends in the place where you currently are (e.g. school), but sometimes you've simply eliminated all of the possibilities in that location and you have to move on to somewhere else so you can meet a fresh bunch of people. That local friend of yours is someone to talk to for now but it does sound like the two of you will eventually drift apart naturally as you meet new people. And that'll be fine because you won't need each other any more.

So. Try not to stress yourself about it. We all go through lonely periods (my worst lonely period was between 14 & 19) but as I've moved through life I've kept the best of the friendships I've made along the way, and discarded the worst. Pardon the cliché, but it really does get better. If you don't have suitable people IRL that you can relate to for now, try widening your circle by going to new places, or try concentrating on your more distant friends via social networks etc. That will help fill the gap until you meet new people IRL.

Yes, you are sat at a computer doing it... but never forget that you're actually interacting with real, live, flesh & blood people at the other end of the computer. We're really real, and we're really here for you if you need us.

[harlee]

I feel the same way. I actually dont mind working on weekends because it makes me feel like I have a "real reason" for why I am not hanging out with anyone 

What we need to do is make some new friends I work at a fast food place and a lot of the people that work there are around my age (15-22). I think that if you were able to get a small job like that you would meet new people your age also, plus the money would be good! If you want to go to college I am sure you will have some good friends there too. When you move out of home, you might move into a house with other people and become close friends with your house mates. You can also join a club to do with a hobby that interests you!

Thinking about making friends and knowing that I wont always be lonely in the future seems to get me through the loneliness at the moment. I also like to do things that are still fun to do alone, like practise tricks on my bike

[Electric Wizard]

I am the same way, but I can't decide if it's voluntary. I think a lot of it is, because I am very introverted and quiet. The worst part of friendship for me is the beginning. I am not good at meeting people or making introductions, but when I do, it's usually rewarding. But I cannot for the life of me figure out how to meet people who are likeminded who I can actually break the ice with. So I somewhat feel your pain. I have a few friends, but they're close friends.

[AdamMLP]

I don't even know if I have friends really.  At school it was clear that I only had acquaintances who would never look for me when I wasn't there but would tolerate me and laugh with/at me when I was.  We never contacted each other out of school unless someone wanted something, and I met up with people in person about 10 times over the course of five years, and most of that was in the first year when although I was a seriously weird kid I was still trying to fit in with them.  I think my problem with making friends is that I don't censor myself like other guys seem to when they're around girls, and the guys never took notice of me because I'm a 'girl'.

At college now I feel like the people I know are closer to friends than I had before, but I don't know whether that's just because they want to copy the work off me because I did better in school than they did, and because the choice of people to hang out with is a lot smaller.  One person I would of classed as a friend until he quit the course happened to be in his thirties, and I find that I can get on much better with older people because I'm used to talking to them.  The people I get on best with were the ones that I met while I lived in a pub, but since we left the pub I've not been able to talk to most of them because I only go there to work and the new landlord hates me standing behind the bar, even if I actually have work to do there.

My girlfriend happens to be the only person I can talk to and not get irritated anyway.

[justmeinoz]

Loneliness is no fun.  Before I started transition, went FT and moved here I really had not had any close friends for years.   Through my local support group, and a couple of residential retreats dealing with Gender and Sexuality late last year, and again just recently,  I have gained many. 
It takes time to build good, strong friendships so don't be discouraged.  As you have discovered who you really are, you can start again, and find true friends.  Nobody really has many, just enough good ones, as you have mentioned.
Are there any societies or clubs at your college as well as sports teams?  If you are not sporty, maybe a chess or music club or something would be a better bet?  I am a member of the Uni Philosophy Club, and have made several good friends among the students despite our age difference. 

Karen.