Counseling questions...

[Lexurious]

So... I've been seeing my counselor since January of 2012, and everything has been fine for the most part.


Eventually, it just got to the point where we were getting into deeper topics, and I feel like my counselor is judging me. Like... I don't know. I thought counseling was supposed to be something that's there for you when you want to talk about things YOU want to talk about.


I feel like my counselor is pressuring me into certain things that I'm not ready to jump into yet... like employment, and other things. I can also just see the judgment coming from her when I tell her things about my life and what's going on with me now.






I am on hormone replacement therapy, but I'm just wondering... is counseling a requirement for trans people? Is my endo going to stop my HRT if I stop counseling?.. and how long do I have to be counseled in order to eventually get SRS?


ANyway, this is just really bothering me right now. Any answers will be great...

[Flan]

Technically counseling  is NOT a requirement for hormone therapy under the current version of the SOC, however practitioners can still demand a referral from a therapist because the "standards" are only guidelines. Personally I would consider it unethical to have mental health services as a requirement for continued hormone therapy and it sounds like the providers you have are using older standards which dictate so called "real life experience" in place of working on issues of mental health (if they exist).

As the client, it should be up to you to take on what you are read for and not any spoken or unspoken time table. When surgery time comes, it should be easy enough to have assessments performed that reflect your readiness rather than a certain amount of time (year) with a mental health provider (and second letter).

[suzifrommd]

Don't know you, Lexurious, or your therapist, so I can only make general statements. Still, since you post, I'll give you my honest opinion.

Most of the time when I hear "my therapist is judging me" my knee-jerk reaction is to say "go get another therapist".

But that may not be right for you.

I feel like my counselor is pressuring me into certain things that I'm not ready to jump into yet... like employment, and other things.

See, if I were seeing a therapist and she had the opinion I was avoiding something challenging, like employment, I'd want her to speak up. After all, if all I wanted was someone to listen, I didn't need to pay someone - I could just talk to a piece of furniture. I'm not saying you're avoiding challenge (as I said earlier, I don't know you).  What I'm saying is that the mere fact you are feeling judged does not necessarily mean this is a bad therapist for you.

In the end, the decision whether to take her advice or not is yours, right? So her pushing you to things you're not ready for is no real threat.

Is it possible, though, that she's telling you a truth you don't want to hear? Again, I don't know you, so I can't answer that, but maybe it is a question you should be asking yourself.

I hope this helps.

[aleon515]

My gender counselor (I am technically seeing a counselor) is very good, imo. He has has always said that if I need a letter I get a letter. But he does ask me things that I didn't bring up and wouldn't necessarily want to talk about. A few times I have said that I don't really want to talk about something and he has respected that. Once it was about work, I didn't want to talk about it, as this is my last year and I thought it was somewhat a waste of his time as I am really coping well there in nontrans stuff. OTOH, there have been a couple times asked me things I had not thought about. Hey he knows about things re: transition that I don't. That's one reason I see him. I don't know re: "judging you". If he does demeaning things and mind games it is definitely time to see someone else. But he could just be trying to steer to something it might be good if you looked at. You maybe should think about that before jumping ship.

You can definitely get on HRT without therapy (it's called informed consent), I suppose you can go to Thailand and not need a letter. Don't know about this for sure-- I'm ftm. But it probably be better for you to look at certain things and see what your reason is and so on. Counseling btw, didn't make me less trans. In fact, maybe made me more sure re: my thinking.

--Jay J

[Lexurious]

I don't know, I think I'm just naturally an insecure person (not even necessarily for trans reasons) I automatically assume there's some extreme judgment going on...

You're right that she's giving me legitimate advice. I just kind of feel... stupid?.. when she asks me what I've done as far as employment, and I have nothing to really say.




For some reason I'm just really scared that hormone replacement therapy can be ripped away from me. It was extremely difficult to start while in the custody of my mother, because neither of my parents are very "educated" or supportive of my transition. They've blatantly said before that they believe it's a form of mutilation, which I obviously disagree with.

Anyway, I had to rely on my counselor for a letter of recommendation to start HRT, and I'm just nervous that if she doesn't agree with my lifestyle, that she can take it all away. :\

[JoanneB]

You're right that she's giving me legitimate advice. I just kind of feel... stupid?.. when she asks me what I've done as far as employment, and I have nothing to really say.

For some reason I'm just really scared that hormone replacement therapy can be ripped away from me. It was extremely difficult to start while in the custody of my mother, because neither of my parents are very "educated" or supportive of my transition. They've blatantly said before that they believe it's a form of mutilation, which I obviously disagree with.

Anyway, I had to rely on my counselor for a letter of recommendation to start HRT, and I'm just nervous that if she doesn't agree with my lifestyle, that she can take it all away. :\

It sounds a little like she is giving a dose of of reality therapy. You have parents that are supporting you(?) that are against what you are doing. (Assuming they know about you starting HRT) The real possibility exists that the day will come they figure out this isn't a "phase" and it's the ole "As long as you're living under my roof....." ultimatum. Having an income stream and a small bankroll will come in handy when faced with getting tossed out or stopping transition. Besides that depending on your goals transitioning tends to be expensive. SRS = big $$$. Throw in LASER or electrolysis for more $$$. FFS more yet. Plus living expenses. Without an income, or a winning lottery ticket,  these things are difficult.

[Chloe421x]

It sounds a little like she is giving a dose of of reality therapy. You have parents that are supporting you(?) that are against what you are doing. (Assuming they know about you starting HRT) The real possibility exists that the day will come they figure out this isn't a "phase" and it's the ole "As long as you're living under my roof....." ultimatum. Having an income stream and a small bankroll will come in handy when faced with getting tossed out or stopping transition. Besides that depending on your goals transitioning tends to be expensive. SRS = big $$$. Throw in LASER or electrolysis for more $$$. FFS more yet. Plus living expenses. Without an income, or a winning lottery ticket,  these things are difficult.

This is very sound advice. You will someday have to face the fact, that you will have to begin paying for these things yourself eventually......best to be prepared if/when your parents won't help you financially any more. Getting employment while transitioning can be tough as well.....just good thigns to think about and be prepared for.

Chloe

[Tristan]

be careful with letting them push you into stuff. thats how i ended up transitioning and way to fast.
but i am happy now

[Cindy]

The concept that my therapist works under is to guide and assist. If you have problems to discuss them and seek remedies. There is no 'leading' beyond leading questions such as how would you deal with this; type stuff.

Now a days it is purely keeping an eye on me every know and again, I see him professionally every 3-4 months for a coffee and a chat. Any problems? Any mood swings? Any thing you want to chat about?

Family OK, work OK.

Just a normal check up to be honest. Personally I like the appointments, It gives me someone to touch base with who has watched me go through the whole process and keeps a friendly eye on me.

[Cindy]

be careful with letting them push you into stuff. thats how i ended up transitioning and way to fast.
but i am happy now

I think this is a very important post. Tristan is a very gorgeous woman but she feels she was pushed too fast. That is what therapy is about, letting you transition at your own rate.

So many posters leap into the 'get me female ASAP' without guidance. And I suggest we do need guidance.