I guess I have to self medicate then...

[unknown]

I really don't want to do this, but right now (and I have no idea how long this will go on) there is no way for me to get T.

I literally can't live like this. I want to just sit down and die if I don't get on T soon. I hate how my body looks I hate the things on my chest. I hate me and even my skin feels wrong. I'm still not sure why I'm not dead yet because it really seams like it would be much better.

[Sarah Louise]

I can't support self medication, but I do understand your dilemma.

Its a serious decision that comes with many risks, hopefully you will be able to work things out with your doctor to at least monitor your health.

[FTMDiaries]

Your current situation may seem insurmountably bleak, but it's not permanent. Nothing is permanent.

• You will be free to leave to seek treatment elsewhere if necessary, the minute you can afford it.
• The laws in your country will eventually change. Things will get better.
• Some of the best days of your life haven't happened yet - and you need to be here to enjoy them when they arrive.

I won't recommend self-medication, but if you do choose to do it, please don't do it without the help of a doctor to make sure you're safe. Please.

[Jared]

If you decide to do it, search for a doctor who knows what are you doing, someone you trust, or at least a nurse for example. One of my roommates is a nurse and she knew many things about our situation and HRT when I came out to her. 

[unknown]

I know it will change, but it will be at least 10 years or something before anything happens. It's getting worse and worse everyday. I really don't want to say it, but it was easier being trans 2 years ago. I might be able to get my doctor to give me T, but only if I'm really lucky. Even thought it's not illegal to proscribe T the government tries to stop everyone that wants to help us.

If my doctor don't want to proscribe T, then he might want to take blood tests.

As I already said: I really don't want to do this.

[Jayr]

Foods that boost testosterone:
http://bb2k.blogspot.ca/2011/01/top-10-testosterone-boosting-foods.html

I recommend you start a workout program.
It'll naturally boost your t levels.

Lowering your fat percentage= Less Curves. (MIGHT shrink your chest a bit.)
+ More muscles= More masculine, easier to pass.
You can take Wheat proteins and other supplements to help you out.

Pumping can help with bottom dysphoria.

[insideontheoutside]

Have you considered if it would be at all feasible to move to a different place where it's easier?

[wheat thins are delicious]

I can't support self medication, but I do understand your dilemma.

I do understand your desperation but I think self medicating is a very foolish thing to do.  I suggest you try to move.

[smooth]

Self medicating does have risks but so does pretty much everything we do in life. Every choice we make sends us in another direction, down another road to the only thing guaranteed from life. When you're twisted up inside and you honestly think that being dead is a better choice than being alive maybe it's not such a stupid thing to self medicate if you think it will give you the will to keep living.

[henrytwob]

where you get T from your doctor of from the street, it would be best to be monitored. That means blood tests. You really need to know various functions and esp T levels - or you might end up in worse shape. Can you tell me why blood tests are a 'no go' for you? Not knowing where you are it is hard to know when procedures the medical est. will follow. good luck

[unknown]

First of all I'm too young to move yet. I'm also pretty sure that you have to have some sort of work before a country would like to have you. Second  even though I'm afraid of needles I understand that I need to get my blood tested once in a while. I'm not sure where I said I didn't want my blood tested.

Jayr: I tried to workout, but it failed really bad (because I'm lazy). I'm kinda trying again. I really don't have much fat anyway and all my fat is on my legs for some reason. Even though nearly all my fat sits there I'm still curvy as f***. My hips are seriously just bones sticking out because I have no fat on my hips. It's really disgusting when I have my hands in my pocket. I'm also close to being underweight so I'm not sure how much I would get rid of my curves by loosing fat.

[GendrKweer]

Let's all be realistic: I think a large percentage of us self medicated at the beginning, myself included. There are ways to do it relatively safely for a short period, while you get your head and life together; we just can't discuss or recommend it here. Do a LOT of reading, and always ALWAYS err on the low side of any given amount. But this is only something to buy you a little time so you don't do something drastic or dumb, like a large percentage of desperate and hopeless transgender people have done. There are a number of counselors who will help you with therapy and HRT by telephone, especially in extenuating circumstances. Good luck.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Let's all be realistic: I think a large percentage of us self medicated at the beginning, myself included.

Maybe if you are talking about the MTF side of things, I hear about trans women self medicating all the time.  I rarely if ever hear about trans men self medicating.

[DriftingCrow]

I tried to workout, but it failed really bad (because I'm lazy). I'm kinda trying again.

If you have trouble staying motivated, try working out with some friends who are physically active. It's easier to stay on schedule if other people are with you, and are there to encourage you. Also, I find that if I work out with people who are in better shape, it makes me work much harder than if I was working out alone, and I see results much faster, and they're also able to give tips and advice.

The first two weeks or so is always the hardest, because your muscles and heart are getting used to the new routine. After that, it'll get easier.

[AdamMLP]

If you have trouble staying motivated, try working out with some friends who are physically active. It's easier to stay on schedule if other people are with you, and are there to encourage you. Also, I find that if I work out with people who are in better shape, it makes me work much harder than if I was working out alone, and I see results much faster, and they're also able to give tips and advice.

The first two weeks or so is always the hardest, because your muscles and heart are getting used to the new routine. After that, it'll get easier.

Agreed.  I keep trying but never get anywhere either.  I always find excuses, like it's too cold in my room etc.  Maybe a couple of us should motivate each other somehow.

[DriftingCrow]

I really don't have much fat anyway and all my fat is on my legs for some reason. Even though nearly all my fat sits there I'm still curvy as f***. My hips are seriously just bones sticking out because I have no fat on my hips. It's really disgusting when I have my hands in my pocket. I'm also close to being underweight so I'm not sure how much I would get rid of my curves by loosing fat.

I also should've added, that you should probably try to track your calories for a few days, and then compare your average caloric intake to what's recommended for your height and weight. If you're close to being underweight, you probably need to eat more. And also remember, if you're not eating enough, your body will go into "starvation mode" and start packing fat instead of burning it. Hormones and genetics can play a role in where fat is stored--estrogen tends to like to put fat in your thighs/hips, where testosterone likes to put fat in your stomach. So, if you start eating right, and packing less fat, your thighs will get smaller and your upper body will start to fill out more, especially is you add in some weight training.

[DriftingCrow]

Agreed.  I keep trying but never get anywhere either.  I always find excuses, like it's too cold in my room etc.  Maybe a couple of us should motivate each other somehow.

Maybe we should start a workout thread where people can post what workouts they're doing and photos of their progress?