Is it bad that I would like to hang out with other trans/genderqueer/non-binary people just to not feel as "alone" for lack of a better word? Right now this is the only outlet I have where I can interact with people who might even remotely relate to me. But I also am not the "out and proud" type, so I don't necessarily want to join a trans group or something like that because there always seems to be an agenda. It's not just people hanging out or becoming friends and the couple random times I've tried something like that I had to be really "stealth" about it (because I'm not "out" to the world) and I felt a lot of pressure to "conform" or seemed to catch a lot of slack because I wasn't in transition mode (or even questioning about transition mode). Generally I just feel uncomfortable in groups like that. Actually I'm kind of uncomfortable in groups period, but especially ones where I feel some sort of judgment or pressure coming from the bulk of the group. I just feel like my whole "double life" thing would really get in the way of being in a known trans group too.
I'm currently in a smallish town and it's definitely not the type of place I'd be keen to be "out" in. In the 4 years I've lived here I've really made no friends at all. I work a lot and just keep to myself. All of my friends still live where I used to live (and where I'm from). And it's very hard for me to make friends because of various issues, many surrounding the fact that I'd have to be "female" to anyone else new I'd meet. I'd love to have more people in my life who just knew, regardless of what I looked like or how I choose to live my life ... they just knew and understood that I'm male.
