My low dose HRT experience (was 9 month low dose HRT)

[Autrement]

Many thanks Luna Nyan. This is really helpful. Your experience provided me with a strong reference, as I started HRT one year ago with no plan for social transition.

Could you please tell a bit more in what way you see "life changing consequences", as  your social life is continuing as it was - apart from feeling happier?

For me, I feel much calmer, with GID angst removed, with no change in my daily life (spouse, family, work) and I am happy about it.

[luna nyan]

Could you please tell a bit more in what way you see "life changing consequences", as  your social life is continuing as it was - apart from feeling happier?

You do end up in a no mans land of sorts, neither goose or gander.  Mentally there's a tightrope to not say hell with the consequences and transition.   But for me, it would be irresponsible on too many levels.

Physically you lose the male advantages over time, but are yet still expected to perform physical tasks like a male.   Going bare chested is not an option, the list goes on with little things like that.

In isolation each thing is minor, but totalled up it is very much on your mind that you're not quite where you should be socially, yet physiologically you've long passed that point.

[spx_1112]

Thanks girls for all the information and details. Big hugs especially to Luna and Judith.  Shannon

[uuMachine]

What was your dose as a low dose?  I've been on/off over the last 4 months... Didn't think that was high enough dose but is where the Dr started me since I'm non-transitioning.




(No Dosages Please)

[AnonyMs]

What was your dose as a low dose?  I've been on/off over the last 4 months... Didn't think that was high enough dose but is where the Dr started me since I'm non-transitioning.

I think low dose is more about blood levels, or having less effect than a higher dose would. People absorb medications differently so an actual dose doesn't mean much. I used heaps of patches and they were not very effective, but they would have been for most people.

[V M]

Hi uuMachine 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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V M

[Autrement]

Many thanks Luna Nyan. I think I get your point: it is not so easy to feel in between, in so many details of practical life. However, it is probably better than not taking HRT and keep struggling with the dysphoria.

[luna nyan]

Many thanks Luna Nyan. I think I get your point: it is not so easy to feel in between, in so many details of practical life. However, it is probably better than not taking HRT and keep struggling with the dysphoria.

If it's a struggle, then HRT may give you relief, but whether or not it's sufficient and successful long term is the big unknown - that's going to depend on your own specific circumstances.  There are many here who have been on HRT and non-transitioned for substantial periods of time, equally there are some who move on to transition.

For me, the pile of minor inconveniences aren't so easily sneezed at, but on the other hand, mentally, I'm at a good place so the trade off has been worth it for me.

[Autrement]

Yes, since one year I am on low dose and came to the same conclusion for the time being. Did anybody prove it is doable for ever, this would be good to know...

[AnonyMs]

I did about 6 years low dose. It was great at the start but eventually I got seriously depressed and had to move to a full transitioning dose. That was great at the start - and i'm still at the start. It's only been two years.

I've no plans to socially transition, too much too lose, but I find I'm a bit uneasy about where I am. I guess it will get worse over time as all these things tend to.

[Deborah]

Yes, since one year I am on low dose and came to the same conclusion for the time being. Did anybody prove it is doable for ever, this would be good to know...

You can do whatever you want for as long as you want.  You just have to be comfortable with yourself.  If you are comfortable looking different than before without a full transition then who cares what is in somebody else's mind.

Don't worry; Be Happy

[Autrement]

Thanks for your replies!

[AnonyMs]

You can do whatever you want for as long as you want.  You just have to be comfortable with yourself.  If you are comfortable looking different than before without a full transition then who cares what is in somebody else's mind

For me it's not about being comfortable, because I'm not. I've got a lot to lose and I don't want to risk it. What I have to lose is not in my mind, and it's outside my control.

It's a common problem of course, and if I were in a different situation or had worse dysphoria I think I'd have given up and transitioned already. As it is it's I'll wait until something changes.

[Deborah]

For me it's not about being comfortable, because I'm not. I've got a lot to lose and I don't want to risk it. What I have to lose is not in my mind, and it's outside my control.

It's a common problem of course, and if I were in a different situation or had worse dysphoria I think I'd have given up and transitioned already. As it is it's I'll wait until something changes.

I agree with all you said there.  Let me better explain what I meant.  On any dose of HRT, after some period of time one's appearance is going to change.  The extent of change is dependent both on genetics and dosage.  So, a person has to be comfortable with that change regardless of their presentation.  If they are not comfortable with themselves they will be on edge and cause unease in others.  That's where most of the  problems will arise.  And, individual circumstances and environment must be considered too.

[AnonyMs]

Hi Deborah, I'm not really sure what you mean. I think the people reading this are binary mtf and seeking a way of reducing dysphoria without social transition. Unless you're non-binary why else would you do it?

I expect most would be comfortable with any changes, but too much would cause practical problems. For me the more the better just so long as I can hide it, and I've managed to hide a lot. After 2 or 3 years on full dose I think I can hide everything that's going to happen, and ignoring my face its quite good. My face I'm not sure about since I have facial hair and I've never tried to pass as female. I've been thinking about SRS as well; I can hide that.

[Deborah]

Maybe I have misunderstood the jist of the thread.  If so then my comments may not be applicable.

What I was replying to was a perceived fear of mtf binary transsexuals that if they use HRT there will come a time when a Social Transition is forced upon them.  So my reply is that it's never forced upon you and you can continue without social transition for as long as you want without any problem as long as you are comfortable with the physical changes that come.  Most are not outlandishly obvious anyway. 

Other than not dressing differently or changing my name and making a public announcement  I don't make any special effort to hide anything and I've even grown my hair to my shoulders and never tie it back in the acceptable manly ponytail.  Between that and my face my appearance has changed quite a bit.  It has caused me no problems and even in the hyper conservative and hyper macho environment where I work I think people are friendlier to me than before because I am now unstressed and no longer an unfocused cynical a**hole.

I have no idea what people think of me although I do know for a fact that they have questions.  But those questions or suspicions, whatever they may be, do not translate into people suddenly taking an aversion to me.  Quite the opposite has been true. 

And I understand the reasons for taking HRT while delaying social transition to an undefined time.  I'm doing that myself.

[AnonyMs]

You could be right about fearing being forced in social transition. Its been so long I can't really recall what I was thinking when I started. There's basically no chance I'll that will happen to me, no one's even noticed a far as I can tell. I do live an unusual lifestyle so that may not apply to everyone. Its possible I'll accidentally out myself one day, but chances are it wouldn't have enough impact for force me to social transition.

Physical changes are slow and you can moderate them with dosage, assuming you're able to cope with doing that. I don't feel its a realistic fear if you're able to control how you dress and present yourself when out.

The thing I do worry about is the mental changes, and it has caught me out. Hence the upgrading from low to transitioning HRT. I don't think I have any social dysphoria, but I'm finding the hiding everything quite oppressive these days. I'd also quite like to get a electrolysis, BA and probably FFS, but that would out me.

My feelings have been changing over the last year, perhaps because of HRT. Its hard to describe, but before it was more like I wanted to be female and now its shifted to I am. Its quite a deep change. There's still plenty of male in there though. I'd guess social transition would bring more of that.

On the mental side, I think a fair number of people start HRT and find they just have go all the way, really quickly.

[Deborah]

I have been on full dose HRT for 18 months; since day one.  The mental effects have been outright liberating.  My approach is somewhat different than yours though.  My social dysphoria is pretty minimal so handling that isn't really an issue.  However, if I felt like I was really trying to hide things I think that would be a huge issue for me.  I'm not certain, but I think that growing out my hair has caused as much relief as the HRT.  The thought of cutting it all off causes me angst anyway.

I'm not terribly worried about being outed.  That probably sounds inconsistent with not socially transitioning but then my mind works strangely sometimes.  One of my friends has asked many times if I am transitioning and I have never outright denied it; I've so much as confessed it a few times so maybe I am outed already.  But I don't let any of that concern me as long as people aren't treating me badly which nobody has. 

And I understand the feeling of "I am" too.  "I am" and what I'm wearing at any given time has no bearing on that.  What people call me does have some bearing and that I would like to change.  But since I am kind of stuck in where I work, and I'm very happy there and really like my current job, my mind isn't convinced that getting people to simply use a different name would help that much since I have been working there for years and have known some of them for up to 35 years.

[AlisonWood]

You can do whatever you want for as long as you want.  You just have to be comfortable with yourself.  If you are comfortable looking different than before without a full transition then who cares what is in somebody else's mind.

Wow - great insight you all...

I'm doing the low dose thing but just a couple of months in (so just a newbie compared to many of you) but this is the sentiment I'm trying to focus on - thing I've talked to my therapist about...I don't know where all this will lead, but even on low HRT I feel better than I have in a long time...ever, really.

It's not my nature - but even if I'm not certain will this road will lead, the data I gather along the way should help me when I get there. I too don't want to socially transition (so much to lose, and there's a lot about my life I totally love just the way it is!) but at the same time, physical changes are not entirely unwelcome because this is what really puts dysphoria in its place.

I guess the trick is to keep that balancing act so we have our cake and eat it too...if there was reassurance that it'll work forever, that would be so nice. But in the meantime, I guess it's just going to take a little faith...

[Deborah]

Yes, that's more or less my philosophy of life.  I worry about today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  Sometimes this does get me into trouble but in this case I think it's the best way.