Wow;
Its been just a little under 10 months since I last posted to this thread, so I thought I should perhaps give you all an update.
To summarise I have now been back on HRT for nearly 4.5 years (Oestrogen only). It started off as a very low dose but over a period of about a year was moved up to low dose. For the first 1,5 years I had very little development, but the dysphoria was kept at bay. When I first started I had quite low levels of T in my bloodstream (something that I had suspected for many years) as well as being under normal male levels, but high for females levels.
Over the first two years as my body got used to the HRT, I gradually started to get breakouts emotionally and in the end I sort of slipped into a low transitioning dose rather than dose to keep my dysphoria at bay. Following my doctors recommendations who pushed up my dosage. I take Progynova only.
In my most recent hormone assays, my T level is now down to lower than 1 (0.92)., and my Oestrogen hovering at the 240-260 levels, so hormonally I am now effectively female.
In terms of various changes:
Mentally:
These days any film sad or even happy or especially a love story (like Hidden Figures recently & the Danish Girl) sets me off crying so much more easily.
I am also these days very happy to sit and read a woman s magazine such as Elle or Cosmo rather than a boring financial paper. In fact I just love looking at different fashions and especially makeup ideas.
Since the increase, my anxiety is all but gone, anger and depression completely lifted and I generally I feel better about myself.
Passing Privileges
Generally dressed as a woman I rarely get read, unless I make an obvious male type gesture. For instance I was recently in Spain visiting Facial team and met up with the Jenny's Nest team and whilst there stayed in a great resort (and tried out my new one piece swim suit) living the whole time as a woman. No one gave me a second thought even whilst swimming. Mind you although overweight my nipples are quite obvious through the fabric of the swim suit.
Female presentation:
My skin is really super soft and girlfriends have commented on just how I have a fantastic complexion and a very feminine glow about me. On the rare occasions now that I have to present as male, I have even had comments about just youthful and fit I look from a long standing friend (who does'nt know). My beautician always comments on how well I am looking after my face, although I do have a facial every 6-8 weeks. I also have my eyebrows shaped and tinted once every 8 weeks and my eyelashes tinted as well (Blue/Black - this gives them extra definition)
I have definitely lost male advantages. For instance I have lost the ability to open tight jam jars and have lost a lot of upper body strength, really struggling to lift bags of compost for the garden. This can be a major problem if you are transitioning but not yet full time. Another thing is that I have lost a lot of the squareness in my shoulders. I recently had to replace my only male suit that I still had, because basically I now have quite well rounded buttocks and slightly widening hips, although my waist is coming down and male trousers basically no longer fit (mind you I rock a mini skirt). As i decided to get a made to measure one, the tailor surprised me by saying I would need padding in the shoulders as I have lost a lot of the male definition with very obviously sloping shoulders.
I take my Oestrogen twice a day and certainly when I get up in the morning, my face feels really super soft.
I have though been having a problem with my nails which seem to break all too often. Funnily enough neither little finger has this problem with both nails seeming to grow at twice the pace of other nails.
These days I like to keep both fingernails and toenails painted as much as possible. I use OPI using my colour Swtach from House of Colour to match my nail colour to my lipstick and blusher as much as possible.
Interestingly since I switched to Bare Minerals liquid foundation my overall make up looks generally so much better. (My beautician recommended it to me, and when visiting London had a makeover in Selfridges in Oxford St with them matching my skin colour. You need a special reservoir brush though.
Hair:
Unfortunately I have MPB so I am forced to wear a wig, but have three very nice human hair ones. However the doubling of my dose has caused my hair to start growing back on my bald patch, but it is very sparse. In terms of facial hair, I have had extensive laser on my face and all bar a few on my lower lip are gone, but I still have electrolysis on the other white ones. In the last 8 months I have started getting laser on my décolleté, tummy, underarms and upper legs and bikini line and my black vellus hairs are remarkably thinning out. What body hair that I do have, is now soft and I have lost that coarseness. I do have regular waxing, but these sessions tend these days to only be needed about once every 10 weeks. Recently my beautician has persuaded me to go for a Brazilian Landing strip which looks very nice, but I am not game on a full Hollywood. My lower legs now have absolutely no hair at all.
Socially:
Although I have met a nice group of women thru Susans, I have also got involved with a number of Lesbian Social groups and this has helped tremendously in allowing me to do more stuff socially. For most of my life I would have identified as Lesbian, but more recently as my T levels have dramatically dropped off I have often thought about whether I am bi rather than Lesbian as the thought of having a great relationship such as Pretty pauline and others has a lot of attractions these days to me. Certainly 30 years ago when I first transitioned I was more focussed on wanting a life as housewife and for a period lived in a very emotionally satisfying poly relationship.
Emotionally, I am pretty stable and content, but I do feel it is a bit like walking on a tightrope, especially on the rare occasions that I have (because of work) to need to switch between genders. My new suit is going to help as it neatly hides the changes effectively, so now people only see what they expect to see.
However I have most definitely lost some of my masculine edge in business terms Certainly this was very evident about 10 months ago when my doctor doubled my dosage. After just a few days I sort of went into a feminine fog!. My driving ability deteriorated. I lost the ability to judge on reversing into parking spots, I became very evidently more timid behind the wheel, and when out working as a male visiting clients, people commented that I seemed to have lost some of my business drive. Its very clear that I have. Basically I would so much prefer to be at a beautician having a makeover than stuck in an office listing to some man droning on about financial forecasts. These days I love doing the housework, cooking, ironing and I have even taken up a sewing class - so maybe its just my emotions that has changed.
Physically
I have lost 2 shoe sizes and my hands and arms are smaller (mind you I have always had tiny female hands anyway, by comparison to men of my age.
These days, following a recent bra fitting at Marks & spencer in the UK (its a great free service, but you must book online), I found that I have added a Cup size and am now up to a 44C. My nipples are always extended and if aroused or if in a swimsuit protrude very obviously. My areolae are about 5cms wide and look very feminine. These days I can only go swimming in a one piece.
Weight wise I am struggling to lose weight - this is the oestrogen at work. Despite being on a diet, I don't seem to lose much but what fat is going on is in the face (very nice rounded cheeks), buttocks, breasts and now hips.
Unfortunately I still have too much male tummy deposits. If I could get rid of that with my now widening lower torso (Buttocks and hips) and now quite well rounded breasts (After 4 years on HRT recently they have started to round out with quite significant breast tissue in the sides and armpit areas), I really would look great and could probably wearstighter clothing, but I tend to buy outfits that hide my tummy with dresses that are Empire or A frame and gathered under the bust.
Expected changes downstairs have occurred with the usual levels of atrophy. These days it is only possible to sit down to empty my bladder. I don't use urinals even when dressed male. One thing though is that my skin down there seems very thin and can easily bruised or get hurt. I presume again that must be the HRT at work. Anyone else find that.
My libido is very much reduced, but I absolutely love being in bed with another woman, especially now as my skin is super soft and I have just great breasts now, although I would prefer to be a cup size higher (probably DD). There is just something incredibly erotic on girl on girl body
closeness.One big thing now since the increase has been the complete absence of any erections and I have had a huge amount of shrinkage , although if I ever have GRS I do worry if that it might affect possible depth, although I think aesthetic looks will be more important to me.
One thing that I have had in the last 10 months is a Facial team FFS consultation in Spain, but in the end they only recommended a minor facelift. Luckily I have never had an Adams Apple. I have also had a consultation with Dr Aslani about a possible BBL as I just adore his results.
Judith
