How long did it take you to get used to your name?

[suzifrommd]

People who know about my transgender have been calling me by a new name for a couple months now. I really love the name and I am so-o-o grateful to my friends who use it.

But it doesn't feel like me yet.

When someone in my support group refers to something I said, my first reaction is "wasn't it me that said that?" before I realize they ARE referring to me, just by a name I'm not used to. And when I hear one of my friends use the name, I only feel thankful that they're willing to call me by a name that in no way matches my hairy, deep-voiced, male body.

I haven't seen anyone here post about that before. I mostly see posts about how wonderful it feels to be called by the new name ("like music", I remember one person saying) and how much it sucks being called by a obsolete name. (I have gotten to the point where my everyday name sound strange to me too.)

For people who changed their names to match your true gender, did you go through a stage where it didn't feel like yours or where you didn't feel like you deserved it? How long did it last and how did you get past that?

[Nicolette]

I intentionally picked a name that required only adding extra letters to the end, including "a". But I'm not called by that name, but by the shortened nickname. It's easy with some Italian names. So, yes, it didn't take long.

[Beverly]

But it doesn't feel like me yet.
...
And when I hear one of my friends use the name, I only feel thankful that they're willing to call me by a name that in no way matches my hairy, deep-voiced, male body.

It does take a while to get used to but here is what I found made the biggest difference to me:

1. Being fulltime. My femme name felt odd when I had to use both my male and female ones. After going fulltime I simply used my femme name 24/7 and now my old name is the weird one.

2. Being me. When I was a 'hairy, deep-voiced male' I was never comfortable with a female name. Being visibly female changed that.

[Adabelle]

I've been using my new name for 18 months. It's a good name and I think it suits me well. The first couple months were the hardest, and even I would start signing my old name sometimes or would hesitate before introducing myself. That never happens now.

But still, after having my old name for 35 years I am still getting used to my new name even though I've had it for 18 months now. Occasionally I will dream that I introduce myself as my old name by accident and then am really embarrassed - but that hasn't happened in real life since I first went full time.

So in my case I guess I'm still not completely used to my new name as much as I was my birth name, but over time you get more and more used to it. When someone calls my new name it perks me up and I respond to it normally now. But admittedly, if someone is calling my old name (calling someone else) I still perk up and wonder if they are calling me... So I guess my old name will always be there and be some part of me even if I don't use it except in a dream.

[Beth Andrea]

I was used to it the day I found it. Middle name, too. It was my last name that took some time to get used to...like a month or two. (Yes, I changed all 3).

My former name, otoh, took a couple of months to get used to not using it. I accidentally called myself by my old name a few times, to which I laughed and said, "Excuse me!" I knew people may forget my new name, and that they were concerned about embarassing me (they'd told me so)...so I did with my own errors the same with them, and I think it may have helped with reducing their anxiety.

It is a process to de-program yourself to change things like a name...

[Michelle G]

Growing up I got used to being called Michelle by teasing boys who thought it was funny to call a boy by the female version of there birth name....little did they know that I absolutely loved being called by the name I really preferred

And as I got older, even as an adult, grown men co workers would still tease and call me Michelle.....go figure

Never could get my parents to do it though.   Always hated that

[Holly P]

That's so funny, I was thinking about this yesterday...  It has taken me years to find the right name; seriously I really struggled with it.  But when I found it, it was like it was ALWAYS my name.  I have turned whenb I have heard people yell it out at the mall.  And then there's Christmas time... Peace, Holly

[big kim]

Not long I got used to my name straight away although for around 18 months I was living in role at nights and weekends and signed the wrong name at least once that I can remember

[Michelle G]

Not long I got used to my name straight away although for around 18 months I was living in role at nights and weekends and signed the wrong name at least once that I can remember

My not so good penmanship can make "Michael" look like "Michelle" quite easily....its my little fun secret

[delia_dunno]

So, I've been using my fem name more and more, and asking folks in the "circle of trust" to use it as well. I still have this, "No crap, that's me!" reaction. Feels wonderful.

And I struggled with choosing my name for a while. Actually, I had the same name in mind the whole time, but it was the name of an ex, so that seemed weird. That is, until I realized that it didn't matter. The name I chose fits me well, isn't some strange combination of unpronounceable letters, and isn't the same as some teenage pop star.

Anyhoo, yes, I'm certainly not "used to" my new name, but that's okay. If everyone else gets to screw up every once in a while with it, I have to give myself the same break.

[eshaver]

I dunno, I guess, I'm fluid . I began getting used to my name maybe six weeks into the process.............. ellen

[aleon515]

Actually even though my name is androgynous and I used it earlier in my life, I found it a little bit hard. It is not really that different than my given name either. I wondered about being a bit young for me and so on. At first I even looked around a bit, oh they are talking to me. Now I do that with my given name actually.

--Jay J

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I change mine in 2008.  And even now sometimes I almost sign my old name.  Getting use to it only took a couple of months, but I have a friend who has know for years.  She began calling me "Janet" after we both moved into the same park.

[MadelineB]

It took me about 11 seconds to be used to my new name, and ready to start using it instead of my "old" name. But I cheated.
I had gone by Madeline for many years in my inner life when I was growing up, until trauma made me forget my childhood and my gender identity for 27 years or so. When my memories of my inner life came back, the day came that I suddenly remembered my real name.

[MeghanAndrews]

Hahahaha, awesome question! I had my name legally changed two weeks before I had surgery and went full time. I swear for like 6-8 months if someone called my old boy name, I'd turn around (strangers). I once even wrote a WORK (!!!) email to someone I knew (new company post-transition) and signed my boy name. I deleted before they read but I was HORRRIFIED!!! lol, craziness. Now, it's me, I don't feel connected to my old boy name. The two names are nothing alike. Don't feel bad ag, you'll grow into it. I think once you go full time and that's the only name people know you by it'll be more comfortable Meghan

[noeleena]

Hi,

After 65 years i dought it, its my birth name of noel. all we with help put the name in a more female mode = noeleena.  though noel or no-el is female & male,  my 2nd name of edward is edwina,

i allso  have two other names as well though male ,  manfried that should have been spelt  mannfried as in german  then Von Reutchthos , that is Prussian, last name is   Loch-head,

What i tell people is noel shows my maleness & noeleena shows my   femaleness, so im covered.

...noeleena...

[FTMDiaries]

How's about this: I never, ever, managed to get used to my birth name. Has anyone else experienced that?

My birth name is extremely female and it has no male equivalent. Because I've never accepted my birth name as being part of me, I didn't just want to go from 'Jane' to 'John' - I wanted something completely different.

Then I remembered a conversation I'd had with my mother as a young child when I was first insisting that I'm a boy. She said that during her pregnancy with me she'd thought I would be born a boy, so my parents had picked out a boy's name for me. They had to discard that name when I was born female-bodied... but they had originally intended to name me after my grandfathers.

So that's the name I picked. It seemed to go some way towards putting right what went wrong when I was born. I'm still not used to it, but I think that's because I'm not used to any name and it's taking me a while to feel more comfortable.

I described this in a bit more detail a few weeks ago: http://ftmdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/a-boy-named-sue.html

[Misato]

Usually, I'm fine when I'm called Paige and I definatly prefer it.  Overall, I got used to it pretty quickly but things like my cousin sending me his first text by starting it with "Paige," does shock me from time to time.  It reminds me of how far I've come, and how far I've to go.

I do look forward to changing my name though.  The sooner I put my male name to bed the better.  I never liked it, even before I realized I was trans.

I went through a lot of names before I found Paige.  I don't know why, but I feel like I own it.  With that said, I guess you could say I never got used to my male name.

[Jeatyn]

How's about this: I never, ever, managed to get used to my birth name. Has anyone else experienced that?

Yep me totally, I always absolutely hated my birth name, I desperately tried to get people to use a nickname all throughout my life before I realised I was trans. Not that many people went for it, I would cringe every time somebody said my name. Hell I still cringe now when somebody says it, even when they're referring to somebody else xD There was a very obvious male version I could have switched to but I wanted something completely different to get away from it.

That's not to say I got used to my new name immediately though, in early transition especially I felt wierd and happy at the same time when people used it. It was a similar feeling that I get from wearing a pair of jeans that make me look awesome...while at the same time being too tight and uncomfortable

I'm definitely 100% used to it now. A couple of months ago a letter in my old name came for me from my old phone company trying to tempt me to sign back up and I was utterly confused about why I was getting a letter for some random woman for a good couple of seconds before I realised it was me

[Simon]

I had my name changed legally in 2002. I spent the previous two years going through a ton of boy names. I worked at different places as Sebastian...other places as Matthew, lol. I had a harder time finding a name that fitted me more than anything.

I finally wrote a list of names I liked and showed my mom. She liked Simon so that was that. Now I'm thankful she didn't pick Aiden or Kaiden (they were on the list). If you had a group of transguys lined up and threw a rock at them there would be a 50/50 chance you'd hit an Aiden or Kaiden, lol.

Oddly, in my situation I didn't have an issue with writing my birth name (I loathe that name) but I did have problems remembering who I was as far as boy names were concerned. Am I Sebastian, Matt, Logan, or Simon...crap, lol.