Does a person's personality change for better or worse after transition?

[Wendy]

Hi All,

Does a person's personality change for better or worse after transition?  If a person is shy and self-conscious before will they remain shy and self-conscious after?  Or do we see positive changes such as a person that is withdrawn is now able to express themselves?

Does chronological age at time of transition influence personality changes? 

Does depression and anxiety decrease/ increase?

What can be done to improve the chances of positive personality changes?

Thanks for your thoughts.  Discussion is open to anyone that wants to tackle these tough questions.

W

[Melissa]

Hopefully for the better.

If a person is shy and self-conscious before will they remain shy and self-conscious after?  Or do we see positive changes such as a person that is withdrawn is now able to express themselves?

Those are perfect description of me before and now.

[Melissa]

If I became more amazing than I already am I don't think it would be fair to everyone else.

Oh, I'm still just as amazing, but now I do it in style.

[seldom]

Hi All,

Does a person's personality change for better or worse after transition?  If a person is shy and self-conscious before will they remain shy and self-conscious after?  Or do we see positive changes such as a person that is withdrawn is now able to express themselves?

Does chronological age at time of transition influence personality changes? 

Does depression and anxiety decrease/ increase?

What can be done to improve the chances of positive personality changes?

Thanks for your thoughts.  Discussion is open to anyone that wants to tackle these tough questions.

W

1.  Generally speaking this varies person to person.  I will probably remain an outspoken introvert.  Some people do become much more expressive as they become more comfortable with themselves.   
2. Chronological age...generally speaking the younger you transition the better you will fit in.  I have noticed though most trans-activists transition between 25-35.  I have theorized that this may be because they are young enough where hiding for so long has not torn them completely apart, old enough where there is a measure of maturity and intelligence, yet young enough where there is a degree of idealism.   The very young ones go stealth rather quickly, largely because they can.  The older ones bring a great deal of personal baggage from  hiding for so long. 
3. Even without HRT depression and anxiety for me are slowly, very slowly, diminishing.  Just the mere fact I know I am passable without HRT (as long as I wear a wig, I have a slight frame and androgynous face) helped peel back some of my anxiety.  I think this is the thing that I know will go away.  (Generally speaking with me there is very little depression, and mostly anxiety, I know this is directly related to the gender identity issues.)
4.  A tight network of friends outside of the trans community helps.  Being part of a subculture that is accepting of trans people (indie, punk, arts, theater, etc.) really helps.  A tight network of friends in the trans community helps as well.  Basically having supportive friends who will accept you fully.  A supportive family as well helps even more, but that is rarely something we have. 

[cindianna_jones]

Most people think that we become sexual perverts! 

I think that the depression is better handled.  For you'll be able to focus on real problems and life. You'll likely have a lifelong battle with depression however.

I was probably a little more outgoing than I am now.  Although I don't think that anyone would ever categorize me as anything but an extrovert.  I am inside, terribly shy.  I am more lazy now with no testosterone drive.

Other than that, I'm pretty much the same.  I still am very opinionated and I'll still tell someone off when they perfectly deserve it.

Time has mellowed me somewhat for various things.  My age has probably affected my personality more than the surgery and following life.

Cindi

[Wendy]

Dear Melissa, Zombies, Amy and Cindy,

As always thanks for sharing and I do have a sense of humor and you do make me laugh.

I was probably a little more outgoing than I am now.  Although I don't think that anyone would ever categorize me as anything but an extrovert.  I am inside, terribly shy.  I am more lazy now with no testosterone drive.

Lack of T has made me very tired and calmer.  Once in a while I feel a little bubbly which is nice.

...  The older ones bring a great deal of personal baggage from  hiding for so long. ...

Baggage?  My behavior modifications and actions are extreme.  Nothing about being male was easy or seemed right.
...................
I have seen a number of troubling behavioral changes for me recently.

I make friends easily but keep almost no close friends.  There are few people I would trust face-to-face with sharing this stuff.  I would not pass.

This forum has really helped me start to examine what has bothered me my whole life.

W

[Kate]

Does a person's personality change for better or worse after transition?  If a person is shy and self-conscious before will they remain shy and self-conscious after?  Or do we see positive changes such as a person that is withdrawn is now able to express themselves?

One of the fun things about transitioning is it brings all your inner demons and insecurities to the surface. You HAVE to suddenly deal with them. You see my whining and ranting all over the forum? It's because of all the junk I've never resolved. Now I HAVE to do it... I have no choice. But THAT will change you.

I noticed something this morning. I needed to get gas, and I'd PLANNED to get it last night, to avoid standing amoungst a rush-hour crowd at the gas station. But if course I forgot, and had to get it this morning... in all my finest friday feminine glory, lol. And I realized, while standing there in my heels pumping the gas, that I was actually *proud* of how I looked. I mean OK, I was a little bit self-conscious still that someone might laugh and point, but not really, not like before. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore - and oddly, I WAS ashamed to be a guy.

That's the funny thing: a year ago, as a normal guy, I would have been FAR more self-conscious and ashamed-feeling in public. I was just never comfortable in my skin, I always felt like a freak somehow, even though I was just a normal guy at the time. And there I was, looking as female as I can for now - even knowing to others I might just be a female-looking male - and yet I was *proud* of myself, of how I look and am. Is that bizarre or what?

And when with people I know are cool with Kate, I'm SO different then I used to be. Free, laughing, open, joking... none of that sad, quiet and withdrawn person that used to be here.

And it just keeps getting better and better

~Kate~

[ssindysmith]

I was sour note before, becoming myself really changed my outlook and my personality.

[rhondabythebay]

... I was actually *proud* of how I looked. I mean OK, I was a little bit self-conscious still that someone might laugh and point, but not really, not like before. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore - and oddly, I WAS ashamed to be a guy.

That's the funny thing: a year ago, as a normal guy, I would have been FAR more self-conscious and ashamed-feeling in public. I was just never comfortable in my skin, I always felt like a freak somehow, even though I was just a normal guy at the time. And there I was, looking as female as I can for now - even knowing to others I might just be a female-looking male - and yet I was *proud* of myself, of how I look and am. Is that bizarre or what?

And when with people I know are cool with Kate, I'm SO different then I used to be. Free, laughing, open, joking... none of that sad, quiet and withdrawn person that used to be here.

And it just keeps getting better and better

~Kate~

I can completely empathize with you here Kate. I feel much more free and actually worry less about how I'm coming off to others. Yes, still self conscious at times, but not so self censoring as I was before. Life is too short to be held down by others and their narrow opinions.

I was sour note before, becoming myself really changed my outlook and my personality.

Same here...tho the work is still in progress. I have had a big reduction in anxiety and no depresson. I used to be anxious leaving the house alone, now it's much easier to do it as my true self.

Hugs,

Rhonda

[Wendy]

Kate, Cindy and Rhonda,

It is nice to read life has its up-ticks for each of you.

One of the fun things about transitioning is it brings all your inner demons and insecurities to the surface. You HAVE to suddenly deal with them. You see my whining and ranting all over the forum? It's because of all the junk I've never resolved. Now I HAVE to do it... I have no choice. But THAT will change you.

Ah we like to share the fun.   Kate sharing your feelings is not ranting.  Not at all.

I seem to have uncovered a way to increase my anxiety and be even more self-conscious.  Are people I know being polite or do they not know?  I need to be able to talk to someone I can trust face-to-face and work out a sensible plan.  I was hoping that person would be my wife for starters.  She is the only person I trust.  I am not ready for round 2.  ...I am so moody.

On a positive note women look so good lately.  They look even more beautiful.

W

[Fer]

Its supposed to be better after one transitions though I have heard that some people go into a major depressive episode, particularly after they have completed GRS.

[melissa90299]

Its supposed to be better after one transitions though I have heard that some people go into a major depressive episode, particularly after they have completed GRS.

Post-op depression does occur with some frequency, I was a little depressed after both my FFS procedures but it faded.

I see a LOT of transwomen in this city who are on drugs and even homeless. I am not sure what lead down this path, I am guessing that it might have something to do with getting in the sex trade. There is a big market here for trans prostitutes, in fact, I ws told I could knock down a couple grand a week and I am approaching 60 (although I must say I do look a lot better than some of these working girls)

[Sandy]

I've been 24/7 for about three weeks.  And I have to say I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been in my life.  As Kate mentioned, I had to face my daemons but when I did I found they were just smoke and disappeared in the breeze.

I've never been particularly introverted, but sometimes I would not/could not express myself for fear of offending an alpha male.  Now since I am no longer considered male, I have no fears about speaking my mind.  Just like it would kill me to stop and ask directions.  Now as a "directionally challenged" female asking directions is actually kinda fun.

I think my personality is a bit more upbeat, especially at work.  But the work relationships are still in a state of flux.  I'm being treated more and more as a woman and not as a novelty.  While there have been one or two individuals who seem to have some chauvinistic tendencies, everyone else has been marvelous.

My depression as all but evaporated.  I still get the blues every now and again, but nothing like the clinically bleak depression that was my life long companion.  That particular daemon is much better off dead.

Overall I'd have to say it's been a good thing.

-Sandy (and I'd never go back)

[SusanK]

Does chronological age at time of transition influence personality changes? 
Does depression and anxiety decrease/ increase?
What can be done to improve the chances of positive personality changes?

I can only add my experience to date. As for question one, I think temperament changes far more than personality. I suspect the emotions and feelings during and after the transistion are often mistaken for personality because everything changes so it's hard to point to what part of you changed. As for question two, it really depends on your tendency and sensitivity to depression. HRT may actually exacerbate one's depression, so you have to monitor yourself if you're prone to depression. As for question three, nothing except the really obvious, have a life. Having a life through and after your transistion where you continue on is the best way to succeed, and then forget the rest except the same, have a good life.

Just my thoughts.

--Susan--

[tinkerbell]

Yes, it does.  You become more bitchy, cranky, more sensitive and extremely private.

tink

[Suzy]

Honestly, I don't think a blanket statement can be made here.  Some improve and some get worse.  I've seen both.  This cuts across age lines.  And depression can easily crop up any time change is involved.

What can be done?  Love people as they go through it.  Everyone will act differently.

Kristi

[Wendy]

Thanks for sharing.  It appears people experience every combination of personality changes.

HRT may actually exacerbate one's depression, so you have to monitor yourself if you're prone to depression. As for question three, nothing except the really obvious, have a life.

Susan lower safe doses have decreased my depression.  However unsound decisions have increased anxiety.
......................

Yes, it does.  You become more bitchy, cranky, more sensitive and extremely private.

Tink, I hope I do not get more moody than I am right now.

.....................
W

[rhonda13000]

Hi All,

Does a person's personality change for better or worse after transition?  If a person is shy and self-conscious before will they remain shy and self-conscious after?  Or do we see positive changes such as a person that is withdrawn is now able to express themselves?

Does chronological age at time of transition influence personality changes? 

Does depression and anxiety decrease/ increase?

What can be done to improve the chances of positive personality changes?

Thanks for your thoughts.  Discussion is open to anyone that wants to tackle these tough questions.

W

Unquestionably, better.

I'm a better human being now, than in the accursed former affectated mode of existence.

As for shyness and self-consciousness, that changed for me radically and stands as one of the strongest evidences of my TS.

I was indeed that way before, but when I began transition and HRT, I became more extroverted and I now actually enjoy social interface. I now feel very comfortable in doing so.

That change was nothing short of startling and remarkable.

Depression: It's hard to tell. sort of, given all of the boatloads of fun that have been experienced as a function of transition  but I would say that there was a definite reduction of generalized depression and anxiety.

[SallyTPol]

I have changed for the better.

I hated people and I hated society.  I was shy, self consious, and hated being around people, hated social interactions, and would snap at people, having zero patience for anyone, had problems interacting with others before transition.  I also avoided relationships because I hated myself, and a few other reasons. I was not a happy person.

Post transition, I am so very happy, I feel like I am me, I love life, and can interact with people without any problem.  I fell that I am a better person, have a lot mer patience for people, no longer self consious, and I am now in a loving relationship with the love of my life, something I avoided before I came out as me. I have definately changed for the better.

I am now a very happy girl, and love being me.

But above all I love my partner, she is the best, makes me the happiest I have ever been.

[Wendy]

Wow Kristi you look great.  I thought you just picked a pretty lady for your picture.
......................

Rhonda and Sally thanks for sharing your positive outcomes!

W