Quote from: Alice on May 05, 2007, 06:30:15 AM
Very Interesting Maebh,
You are where I want to end up Maebh. I have always identified and been a happy male - I just need to know how well I can control my depression.
Alice
Go raibh maith agat Alice Thanks a
Alice.
Believe me depression and me go back a long way. But I have learned a few things along the way and we are old pals now. I don't know if you can relate to them but I will share them anyway.
1. I came to realise that in my case depression was due to the lack of energy left because I used so much of it to control my anger and frustration.
2. But when I let my anger rip at the most unaproprate moment and against totaly innocent recipients, afterwards I even felt worst and guilty. I ended up hating myself for hurting the ones closer to me. So I turned it inward and felt even more depressed.
3. I then realised that even in the grip of the blackest despair this was only a transcient phase and that if I rided it I would eventualy come out at the other end. So I learned to be patient with myself and to live with it. (Bipolar?)
4. From my prison experiences I instinctively knew that the lack of light, exercise and fresh air had a huge bearing on my state of mind. So now when I feel it coming I take myself out into nature, forests, fields, mountains, rivers, sea, away from a man made world with its pressures, noises and polutions. Walking barefeet, letting the wind play with my hair, the sun, the rain or the water caressing my skin I reconnect with and fulfill a deep atavistic need . (SAD?)
5. One day, after getting in an other fight at my brother's funeral, I realised that due to my Male Corsican upbringing I could not allow myself to feel grief. Of course this was the cause of a lot of frustration and anger (Vendetta). So now I have learned to give myself permission to cry and sob when I need to. In doing so I free myself of old feelings that I had held back for so long. Also instead of denying my feelings at least I first acknowledge them which ease the pressure a lot and if needed I can also find ways to express them in a natural and physical way.
6. Everyday in my spiritual practice I make a point to appreciate my blessings and celebrate my achievements.
7. I don't allow others to drag me down into negativity anymore. Instead I use my wild and untamed humour to escape and lighten-up the drama.
8. I am getting better at not isolating myself. I am learning to trust and share with others, creating mutually supportive and respectful relationships and networks.
Yes, writing all of this I realise how far I have come. Still I know that it will always be a struggle. But of course I am an old (and hopefully wiser) Warrior. Anyway, believe me there is still some quicks left in the old beast!
Life is full of challenges and never boring.
I hope some of this can be helpful. Don't give up and more importantly enjoy the journey.
Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat You too will find your own way.
Hope, Light, Laughter, Love and Respect
Maebh
