Mom wants me to get bottom surgery

[kenton_07]

So my mom came home from work last week after one of her employees told her that she watched a show on tv that had Dr. Marci Bowers talking about bottom surgery. My mom was quick to suggest "going all the way" and getting some form of bottom surgery. I'm happy that she is being encouraging, but I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this. The surgery seems very risky but then again I keep wondering if I will eventually want to get the procedure done anyway. We have really good health insurance that would cover the procedure, but I still just don't know. I think I would start out with some form of metoidioplasty but I'm just nervous about the results and if I could still be able to use a prosthetic for sex. What would you guys do if you were in this situation?

[Adam (birkin)]

I think you need to take your time. It's a big decision whether you want it or not and there are a lot of things to consider. I think it is better to wait than to rush into something that you may not be entirely ready for at this time. You can always get it in a few years.

[DriftingCrow]

Just take your time in figuring out what you want, and don't let anyone rush you.

How old are you and what country do you live in? If you're in the US, under the new health care law you can be on your parents insurance until you are 26. If you're still quite young, and if your health insurance doesn't change, you can have a few years to decide what you want before you have to get your own insurance.

[Beth Andrea]

It's your body. Take your time, don't let anyone pressure you either way.

[Kevin Peña]

First, let me say that your mom is awesome. Most parents would never encourage something like this.

Secondly, SRS is a big deal, and an even bigger one for FTMs. The surgery is much more complicated and the results may not be to your liking. For starters, I've seen the results and can't exactly say that the majority of them look real. Plus, one would need erectile implants to be able to have penetrative sex with the constructed penis (if I'm wrong about that, please correct me).

The surgery is a lot to think about. Don't rush it; it's not always vital to get the surgery. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful (I'm an MTF, so I'm a bit useless in this regard).

[Zerro]

First, let me say that your mom is awesome. Most parents would never encourage something like this.

Secondly, SRS is a big deal, and an even bigger one for FTMs. The surgery is much more complicated and the results may not be to your liking. For starters, I've seen the results and can't exactly say that the majority of them look real. Plus, one would need erectile implants to be able to have penetrative sex with the constructed penis (if I'm wrong about that, please correct me).

The surgery is a lot to think about. Don't rush it; it's not always vital to get the surgery. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful (I'm an MTF, so I'm a bit useless in this regard).

The majority of the results you're seeing are likely unfinished, and due to the negative attitudes towards phalloplasty and metoidioplasty, many finished results aren't shared or easy to find.

You do not HAVE to have an erectile implant to have penetrative sex, there are sleeves and other devices that sort of work like a condom in order to keep the penis in place. They are used by cis men who suffer from erectile dysfunction, as well as trans men who have had a phalloplasty.

For the OP - you don't have to have lower surgery if you don't feel the options available to you are best for your situation. The procedures are very hard to heal from and can impact your work/school schedule in a large way if you aren't prepared. Though your insurance may cover it now, you shouldn't rush into it just because your insurance will help. Better to spend more money and be READY for lower surgery than to just have it for the sake of saving money.

[Kevin Peña]

You do not HAVE to have an erectile implant to have penetrative sex, there are sleeves and other devices that sort of work like a condom in order to keep the penis in place. They are used by cis men who suffer from erectile dysfunction, as well as trans men who have had a phalloplasty.

Oh, sorry. That was my mistake. As clarification, I meant that the constructed penis doesn't have natural erectile tissue, making a natural erection impossible.

OP--> Unless you have severe dysphoria and need the surgery, I think you should just use a prosthetic. If what Zerro says is right, using a sleeve//device isn't much different than using a prosthetic.

There is no shame in not having bottom surgery. It is serious surgery, and all surgeries have risk; it has a long recovery time and can compromise your scheduling. I for one am non-op, so I understand your hesitation.

[Simon]

I would say that you have a very supportive and loving mother. Maybe this is her showing you that she supports you 100%. I mean really if you think about it your mom would never see your new penis so what other reason would she have for saying "get one". Tell her she can buy me one...I'll take it, lol. j/k 

In all seriousness just think about it and take your time. I wouldn't tell her no right away because you could change what you want and this may be a one time only offer on her part.

[Natkat]

The most importanrt is you dont let your pressure by anything.
its your body and your desision 100%, your parrent can then agree or disagree but its important it what you think and not other people.

[kenton_07]

I like the idea of the meta surgery more than the phallo. I have seen good results but the only way I would do it is if I could still use a prosthetic for sex without my new junk being in the way. I have emailed a few surgeons just to get the details. At first the bottom wasn't a big concern for me and I was somewhat against doing it just because of how risky it is.

The reason I'm changing my mind and looking into it is because I have seen some great results (meaning realistic) and from what I've seen, the pros have been outweighing the cons. I know results for each person is different, but these surgeries have still come a long way. I definitely have some thinking to do. I still don't think I would get phallo, like ever, just because of the skin grafting and it is just so much riskier and there are more negatives than positives in my opinion. Has anyone here gotten meta done that can give me some feedback on their experience?

[sneakersjay]

I had a meta and have no desire for a phallo.  Many use meta as a step towards phallo.

I would definitely make sure it is something YOU want and not do it because mom wants you to, or because I did, or because somebody says you need to.  It is NOT like top surgery and there is definitely a long recovery even if you heal well.

Yes, there are risks.  IMO there are far more benefits.  But again, only a decision YOU should make depending on what YOU need.

Jay

[kenton_07]

I had a meta and have no desire for a phallo.  Many use meta as a step towards phallo.

I would definitely make sure it is something YOU want and not do it because mom wants you to, or because I did, or because somebody says you need to.  It is NOT like top surgery and there is definitely a long recovery even if you heal well.

Yes, there are risks.  IMO there are far more benefits.  But again, only a decision YOU should make depending on what YOU need.

Jay

How long was your recovery time? Where did you get your meta done? I would only definitely do it for myself. I'm just exploring the option right now.

[AscendantDevon]

Feel free to research and learn more about your options, but for 1 dont you feel weird about your mother suggesting stuff like this? Isn't it pretty personal?

I for one, count bottom surgery completely out of the question for me currently, although I know many guys would disagree. I personally feel that the cost remains too huge, and the medical science simply isn't there enough for me to seriously consider it.  : / But of course, everyone needs different things to be happy.

[GentlemanRDP]

I meant that the constructed penis doesn't have natural erectile tissue, making a natural erection impossible.

Actually...The Clitoris practically is erectile tissue.
And technically speaking, even cis women get erections - they're just extremely small.
I've also heard from some transmen on T that once they've been on it long enough, a lucky few of them are able to have penetrative sex.
But this is all hearsay, as I've never had the procedure, and I haven't been on T long enough for this to have a chance of happening ^^;

[Zerro]

Being able to penetrate without surgery depends on your genetics, and ultimately, if you pump. I know one dude who can penetrate, but he pumps almost religiously and is going for a meta anyway.

And then I do know a guy that had a metoidioplasty a while ago. He couldn't use a prosthetic for a while after the surgery because he was still sore, and well, healing. But after a year, he felt comfortable enough to use a prosthetic that was built to work with his post-op body. OP, if you'd like, I can see if he'd be willing to share his experience with you.

[aleon515]

On the plus side, if you feel comfortable with this level of communications, it's great taht your mom is so open. Since you seem to have this kind of communication it shouldn't be too difficult to talk with her frankly about things like--
1. The no. of surgeries and the recoop time.
2. Whether you would like the results
3. risk.
4. alternatives

Perhaps she'd spring for a Reel Magik prosthetic?

--Jay J

[wheat thins are delicious]

Interesting blog of a guy who's had meta 14 days ago.  http://theevolutionofmandotorg.tumblr.com/  he's described the recovery process in detail.

[sneakersjay]

How long was your recovery time? Where did you get your meta done? I would only definitely do it for myself. I'm just exploring the option right now.

A full 8 weeks, 4 of which pretty much sitting on your ass on the donut.  I recover easily and this threw me for a loop physically.  If you are younger it may be easier.  Once healed I am very happy to have a dick that works.  For me, a small dick that works is better than no dick at all.  My dick pre-surgery was awesome too (though not big) but for me to feel truly complete I needed balls and no hole.

Now I just deal with my small dick as any other cis-man might deal with his small dick.  It is what it is.

Jay