The Newbie who never wanted to be a newbie

[Devlyn]

I think I'm in love!

[Catherine Sarah]

* Catherine profusely apologising to the OP for high jacking her thread,BUT sometimes emergencies do happen *

OK !!  OK !!  Spill the beans girl. Don't keep us in suspenders. What's the gos??  Who is the lucky one?  Come ON ...... fess up, you're family.  It's in the T&C's, haven't you read them.

Awaiting very impatiently for the news. Looking forward to hearing from you RIGHT NOW!!!!

Huggs
Catherine

[Devlyn]

Excuse me, Catherine, but you're blocking my view of that 3.1415925635898! The love of my life!

[Jeanette Marie]

I love pie and pi

[Jeanette Marie]

I've given some thought to everything presented to me and I do have a few thoughts to share.....in no particular order.  Comments and questions are welcome...

I am predominately male....at least I feel I am....I also know I have some feminine qualities I like very much in myself and don't think have anything to do with anything.

I like my nails to be long and neat. Friends, kids and partners always love my back tickles. So far, the only penis I like playing with is my own. Lol.... I like my feet. I have nice long feet with nicely shaped toes. I prefer to be thin and sculpted than bulky.  I trust and feel more comfortable around women than men. I don't understand most men, with the exception of those who have some feminine characteristics.  Even as a kid, I preferred to play with the girls.

I don't like the appearance of men. Even though my past sexual escapades involved close contact with both men and woman, I never found any excitement or interest in a mans body.   Sooo, I definitely think I'm not gay.    Comments?

Now.....the TG woman is a different story. I'm still batting around the concept of bi-curiousness, but I think I'm starting to get a handle on it.  Even though there may be a few parts similar to mine, the woman IS A WOMAN......that's what matters. I don't think of the parts as male.....
Now I must reiterate my lack of experience too. I've been in the room, but I've never sat in the chair....if you get my drift.  ;-)

I'm not exactly sure how to do this, but I have a plan for myself.     1. I WILL seek a QUALIFIED  therapist who can help me question better and maybe answer some too.   2.  I WILL make more of an effort to meet more women....get myself out there....be more social....quit working so much.....maybe I will meet someone special....someone I really like.  That would be nice.  I'm going to volunteer for something...something with meaning.

[Jeanette Marie]

I look forward to the day I am allowed to get my own personal blog here. I've never had one before because I've never wanted to post my thoughts and feeling in a public space. Here feels different,it does not feel public,  it's like I have a bunch of friends and family....it feels like home....my kind of home..

I've never experienced this kind of comfort before..

[Jeanette Marie]

Love and be loved. I heard that in a movie tonight. Good words to live by, harder to do.

I am different. I know this. Most of the time I accept it willingly. Sometimes, it's hard.

I have been divorced for 15-years. In that time, I've raised three kids and had ONLY two significant relationships. I justify this by believing I only had eyes for unique women.....very unique women. I thought I was waiting for that "one in a million" and I was willing to wait for her.

I'm not sure today.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi QNL,

In response to your first question. No I tend to think you are gay.

Your plan sounds good for two reasons. 1.) You're seeking a therapist & 2.) You're looking to reduce your workload. This will be extremely beneficial in providing you with a lot of "me" time. Time when you can be alone with just yourself, discovering the most important person in this equation.

Might I further suggest before you complicate the matter with additional relationship, is that you go and "sit in the chair" for a bit. You may be surprised in what you find.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Catherine Sarah]

Excuse me, Catherine, but you're blocking my view of that 3.1415925635898! The love of my life!

Hummmmmmm. I should've known. Should've seen that one coming. You blind sided me you tart, with your tart.

[Jeanette Marie]

Really Catherine?

You think I'm gay? Seriously ?  Can you please elaborate more. I'm curious to know much more. If I don't like the sight of a mans body how could I be gay?

And, just to clarify, does "sitting in the chair mean I should try to connect with someone and see how it feels or sit in the therapist chair and start on me?

I want to make sure I fully understand your suggestions? I do respect your opinions.

[Jeanette Marie]

Cindy,

May I have your opinion please? I've thought about Catharine's opinion for the last few hours and all I want to do is crawl in bed and cry. Have I opened a can of worms on myself? I don't know what to do or how to feel and I'm feeling extremely insecure right now. OMG, what's happening to me?

[Jeanette Marie]

Quoted from Cindy:  "Why do we think the worst and not the best. Fear. Plain cold startling mind numbing FEAR"

THAT's how I feel right now.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi QNL,

My deepest and most humble apologies. I omitted a word from my statement. It should have read, "I tend to think you are NOT gay.

I deep apologise for any harm caused.

To clarify my comment about, "

Now I must reiterate my lack of experience too. I've been in the room, but I've never sat in the chair....if you get my drift.  ;-)

I couched my reply based on the scene you painted in:

I like my nails to be long and neat. Friends, kids and partners always love my back tickles. So far, the only penis I like playing with is my own. Lol.... I like my feet. I have nice long feet with nicely shaped toes. I prefer to be thin and sculpted than bulky.  I trust and feel more comfortable around women than men. I don't understand most men, with the exception of those who have some feminine characteristics.  Even as a kid, I preferred to play with the girls.

Which to me, indicated your preference to the feminine side of life. So for you to be in the "feminine room" and to "sit in the chair" implies you may wish to actively develop your feminine traits by attempting to live as a woman. 

I hope this clarifies my interpretation. So should this interpretation cause you concern, I apologise.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine 

[Jeanette Marie]

Thanks Catherine,

The clarification helps a lot. No apology is needed. I was just freaked out and emotional because it reminds me of a time I want to forget. I'm sorry if I seemed overly sensitive.
The feminine part is another matter that doesn't bother me as much right now. I like that side of myself. It may need to be professionally examined, but it's less fearful to me. 


Hugs back to you.  Big squeezzy hugs.

[Jeanette Marie]

Another day gone and I'm in a good place to start another week. Reflecting on today, I am glad I was able to go from high to low and back to high again. I feel more centered and relaxed now. I understand more about what needs to take place and when. All in all, the "missed word" ended up creating something new and worth exploring.

This week, I will seek out a therapist. I've been researching them for the past several days and think I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. I usually go for women therapists as I have always felt more comfortable around women. I will trust my instincts.

The suggestion to further explore the feminine side is interesting to me and one I will think about. Living as a female isn't possible because of my kids. I don't want to introduce anything this big right now. Maybe I can have a friend introduce me slowly to the idea and practice. Maybe dressing, painting my toe nails....I really don't know, but I'm willing to entertain any suggestions. I just want to feel part of something. I want to feel I have a home outside of my own four walls. I want to feel comfortable other than under a blanket in bed in my room.

There is hope. There's always hope. I do know this.

Thank you Catherine. Unknowingly, you took me to a place I needed to go. I am grateful.

[Jeanette Marie]

I'm sorry...just one more thought. This one makes me laugh.

If I was a girl. I think I would be a granola girl. ...  That's so me... That way I could go hiking and not worry about breaking a nail. 

[Cindy]

QNL, I think you can give Catherine  free brand 

if you review your posts over the last week you will that there is not only hope, but you are running down the road hand in hand with it.

[Jeanette Marie]

Thank you Cindy. You all make it easy to have hope.

Good news! I have a therapist to try. She was recommended by a friend and I'm excited to call her tomorrow.

More later...I must try to sleep now. It's been hard lately.

[Jamie D]

Hi QNL.  I am getting back to this topic after several days.  I see you have quite a following.

Back to your post to me on page 1.  I don't think there is any sort of "owners manual" or "Relationships for Dummies" guidebooks out there.  The whys and wherefores of who we find comfortable, or secure, or love, are ofttimes beyond me.

Every intimate relationship I have been in has been different from the others.  Maybe that is a reflection of who I am, or how I grow from the experiences.  Hard to say.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi QNL,

A few things to do before you go any further.

1. Give yourself a great big hug.
2. Congratulate yourself for taking yourself to where you are.
3. Celebrate your achievements to date.

The other thing you mentioned, is one of the finest things you can EVER master; and that's following your instincts. They are NEVER wrong. And that takes faith. Faith in yourself.

Keep up the awesome job you are doing. Hope your connection with the therapist works well.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine