Things to ask yourself, things to ask your SO

[togetherwecan]

As an SO of a TS person what things should we ask ourselves when we hear the news and each day that follows? And what things should we ask our SO's? Let's make a list, this could be helpful to others.


Ask ourselves:

Do I understand what TS is?
Do I want to understand what TS is?
Do I know the difference between; *knowing*, *understanding*, *accepting* and *supporting*
Can I continue this relationship in a positive and supportive manner if my SO decides to transition?
Do I understand the changes that my SO will go through emotionally? Can I deal with them?
Do I understand the changes my SO will go through physically? Can I deal with them?
Do I understand the potential and probable changes to our sex life (for spouses and similar SO's)?
Can I deal with any potential changes to our roles within the relationship?
Do I feel differently about my SO in knowing? If so how so?
Can I deal with my SO coming out to family and friends?
Do I understand the implications this will have on how I am seen as an SO of a TS person? Can I deal with them?


Ask our SO's:

How sure are you that you are TS?
How long have you known?
What steps have you already taken?
Do you intend to transition?
Do you have a timeline goal for transition?
Does this change how you feel about me and our relationship?
Do you want to continue the relationship as it is?
What are your expectations of me as your SO?
Do you intend to tell family and friends or live in secret?
What can I do to help with transition?

[Sarah Louise]

Good questions TWC, I know you have asked the same questions to yourself.  Unfortunately I know my SO's answers to those questions.

Sarah L.

[togetherwecan]

Good questions TWC, I know you have asked the same questions to yourself.  Unfortunately I know my SO's answers to those questions.

Sarah L.

Maybe in creating this list we can help the next generation Sarah. It doesn't help us now, but the reward can be one for the human race as a whole.

Ignorance breeds unacceptance more than anything else, so we take responsibility for ourselves as no one else will and we do what we need to do for ourselves along the way and in doing so may we grow and learn and evolve into what we wish others were.




anyone going to add to this list?

[candie]

Honestly, I wish I'd have seen this list sooner on. He's always been up for me asking questoins, I just never knew what to ask. Reading them now, they seem so obvious... but for some reason, only after reading this list does their relevence and simplicity hit me.

[Janey]

Togetherwecan,

the questions to 'ask ourselves' are good ones... BUT, where are the answers?! Would be really most helpful to be given information as to where to actually find the answers! I for instance would have to answer "NO!" to the question "Do I understand the potential and probable changes to our sex life (for spouses and similar SO's)?" I'm just amazed that I haven't yet found any direct and detailed information specifically addressing that issue, as I think it's probably the biggest question/concern I've got right now. Sorry if I'm being too explicit for some, but I was just starting to learn to really enjoy and express my love and other things through sex - so I sure need to know what the deal is with THAT!