The things I have to put up with... Bad move

[Apples Mk.II]

11:00 in the morning. That's usually when I make a 20 minutes break in my morning routine for having my second breakfast (usually). Which is roughly the same time the cleaning ladies also take their break.

So, I am asked about my waxed eyebrows, along with comments of "If my son wanted to do that". "You can't be a macho like that". I could only answer something like "If I don't have them waxed, I look like Emperor Ming from Flash Gordon with an adittional unibrr and they will practically connect with my hair.


The conversation goes on, about how I am completely depilated... They can't seem to fit that in what it is a normal "manly male", that if I am a metrosexual like David Beckham or I do it for the sports.

"I just dislike hair. Even my face is lasered". Here is when thing start to get weird and can't answer.

"You are going to look like a girl"

Are you going to wear a skirt?

Do you want to put yourself boobies?

I don't know... Maybe you want to be a girl...



Ok, here I almost choke on the glass of water I had. WHAT??? Is that something you just thought of or something you have heard?

Ok, awkward silence. That has been a really bad idea, especially with the worst "zazpisute" (seven fkitchen fires, usually reserved for people that listen to every gossiping) in the building.

I don't know how that idea has cme to your mind, but please... Me? It's like those rumours of me being gay because I full shave

Luckily they start to discuss about gay bears, beach shaved dudes, etc... They apologise for questioning my manhood and go back to their breakfast.




This is a real problem. Only 6-7 people know my little secret, and I was warned that two weeks ago that one of them can't keep secrets and was a real bad choice for outing myself. I'm worried rumors start circulating, I wanted to keep this as hidden as possible until the gender dysphoria diagnostic is official. But I seem to be sabotaging my cover all the time.

[Beverly]

...I seem to be sabotaging my cover all the time.

Sounds normal to me. I know lots who have done it.

I actually just reached a point where I was fed up hiding and I really wanted to tell people and to hell with the consequences.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

snip

I wanted to keep this as hidden as possible until the gender dysphoria diagnostic is official. But I seem to be sabotaging my cover all the time.

Maybe you are.  Sometimes we do that, because we wish it to go faster than it is going.

Don't worry about them.  If it does not affect your job, or place it in jeopardy, let them talk.

rumor:
A currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth.
Be circulated as an unverified account.

[spacial]

You're being wound up.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Second breakfast?  Sounds like you are a hobbit.  hehe.

[Apples Mk.II]

You're being wound up.

Sorry, rather limited english for metaphors. Like in being inflicted pain?

Second breakfast?  Sounds like you are a hobbit.  hehe.

First one at 7:00, second (just fruit) four hours later... It's hard to stand still for 6-7 hours with only a bowl of cheerios.

[Sephirah]

I'm inclined to agree with Spacial. The cleaners sounded like they were just being flippant and facetious rather than that they actually gave any serious thought to what they were saying. But because it struck close to home, it's possible that you may have thought they had some sort of insight or heard something.

It seems likely to me that they would have made similar comments to any other male bodied person who had taken care of their eyebrows/hair/appearance in such a way, regardless of the reason, and says more about their views towards masculinity than any sort of indicator that they have some sort of capacity to detect when someone is dealing with gender issues.

If anything, your reaction to their remarks perhaps did more to show that there was more to the comments than they thought, rather than what you said to illicit them in the first place. Here's a question: how would you have reacted if it was as straightforward as you having a dislike of body/facial hair? Would you have reacted any differently?

[spacial]

Sorry, rather limited english for metaphors. Like in being inflicted pain?

No, they are teasing you. Trying to hurt you inside, with words. Trying to make a joke out of you.

OK?

It's usually called Bullying.

[opheliaxen]

I think they were giving you a hard time because they thought you were male and were doing unmasculine things.  You reacting the way you did probably has made them more suspicious now.

But I mean people are going to notice things are amiss even if they don't know how exactly.

[suzifrommd]

I'll make a pitch for indignant.

Who are they to judge how you keep your eyebrows, body hair, or any other personal detail? That should be between you and ... well, nobody. It should be entirely up to you. Who elected them the masculinity police? The notion that women wax while men put up with wads of hair is artificial anyway, and even if it were, you are free to disregard it at your pleasure.

Isn't it lucky you're not required to conform to anyone's standards but your own.

[Apples Mk.II]

Basically, half the time they were like "that's not manly, that can't be, it's outside the norm, you should be completely hairy unless you are a cyclist", etc etc etc. Not to mention the constant bashings about losing weight.



I just don't give a crab about these opinions any more. Harder things will come in a future.



Usually the normal questions and reactions I get about hair removal are always the same.

- Eyebrows: Are you waxing or plucking? They look much better and clean now. Where are you getting them done? I know a place that is cheaper and you may like it...

- Full body shaving: But what are you using? Wax, epilation, laser... When I say that bodygroom and considering an epilator, Do you know the pain and suffering you are getting into

- Face laser: Are you crazy? Do you like pain? Why are you doing that? You know that it won't come back, don't you?. My normal reply is that I had folliculitis problems.


Sometimes I will  get a comment of Well, you are stepping into our world. You will need to know all the commitment these things take... Can you handle it?, but most of the time We are not going to be able to recognise you with so many changes. You are turning into a full blown metrosexual.

[Nicolette]

They're simply enforcing the heteropatriarchy or the current status quo. Women can be just as good cheerleaders for this as men are. Their simple brains cannot compute the apparent "incongruity". Yes, 'tis none of their business. There's no need to even justify it.

[Apples Mk.II]

Bah. To sum it up: I've been going to the gym for almost four years. Almost full shaving is the norm there, and being hairy is plain weird. I probably talk more about laser and waxing with the bodybuilders I share the room with than the rest of the world. I started full shaving even before because of dysphoric feelings, and my eyebrows were slightly retouched for a long time, just that I did not have the guts for doing it.


My mother is pretty much the same as them, "A decent man has to be hairy, is natural". And I won't mention genital shaving and "There where the light does not reach".

[Beverly]

To heck with them. If they enjoy teasing you then their opinions do not matter. Just respond 'I do it for my pleasure', smile, then walk away. Leave them wondering....

[spacial]

You're being bullied.

If you react you'll lose.

If you say anything back, you'll lose even more.

All you can do is walk away.

[Emily Aster]

Basically, half the time they were like "that's not manly, that can't be, it's outside the norm, you should be completely hairy unless you are a cyclist", etc etc etc. Not to mention the constant bashings about losing weight.

Been there on the hair. I was actually forbidden from every shaving anything but my face ever again because "people will think I'm gay".  Bringing up cyclists and bodybuilders just made it worse becaue I threatened their perfect little world where there are clearcut lines. The only people that ever gave me a hard time were my parents. Nobody else seemed to care.

You know that it won't come back, don't you?[/i].

I've gotten to a point where I just say I can't grow a beard anyway, so I'll be shaving every day for the rest of my life for only one reason, to not look ridiculous. How is that any different from a woman that gets it done on her legs for the exact same reason? Normal response - men shave. Whatever.

You're being bullied.

If you react you'll lose.

If you say anything back, you'll lose even more.

All you can do is walk away.

I think you may have something here. I've gotten pretty fed up over the years, so my response to the post above this one would have been, "I did it just to piss you off", specifically to piss them off. Then walk away. Maybe I should cut out the response.

[Apples Mk.II]

They are incredibly pathetic, today they just showed how much disgusting they are. We have a new temporary one covering one's vacation. There was a news about a person detained in the airport with fake breast implants that contained 700 mg of cocaine each. She had been caught severely bleeding and in a weakened state. I already saw the notice some hours ago.

And the new one says: "Serves her right. I hope they get infected".

So I just get up, extremely pissed. "Do you really think a normal person with a sane mind would risk her health just for making profit Tony Montana style? Have you ever though that she is a human "mule" being forced to risk her health, life, safety just for a higher head to make big bucks? Have you considered that she is probably being forced to do this due to extreme necessities?


I am incredibly tired. This is over between me and them. Next time I go for breakfast I'll be in the other corner of the table.


BTW, another issue: One of the temporary ones, that I haven't seen in some time (used to cover during the last year), lives in my same building. If she comes back and after a time she is told, news can travel to exactly where I don't want anybody to know. My neighbours community. I hope they are not still in touch.

[Elsa]

Wow, you did the right thing out there.

Seriously I don't get it when some people (my mom included) can be so judgemental about someone they know who doesn't fit their idea of what a person should and shouldn't do.

Just before posting this my mom told me I should not shave my legs and hands (I waxed them btw...)
Because only women shave their hands and legs...

I almost laughed and told her that I was a woman but held myself back.