Being Penetrated By a Man while Dreaming

[KamTheMan]

This happens to me every once in a while. My dreams usually involve me chasing a girl or being in a relationship/falling in loving with/kissing a girl. I love these dreams since I've been single for going on 5 years now. Waking up sucks tho. Anyways, last night I dreamed I was with this girl, and it was great. But then somehow me and all the other people that were where I was went somewhere else and I lost the girl and didn't know where to find her, which sucked. I was asking people she 'knew' where she was etc but couldn't find her. Eventually my dream changed and I was with this guy  who liked me and we're hanging out or whatever and eventually I was having sex with him where I was like riding him or something. I never notice anything weird during these types of dreams (when I'm with a guy) and I guess I feel like a straight girl in the dream while I'm having these dreams, but I always wake up feeling gross and confused. Whenever I hook up with a girl in my dreams I love it and never want to wake up. I try to force myself to keep sleeping when I'm waking up. And once I'm awake I just want like crazy for the dream to have been real because I want a girlfriend so bad. But still I'm having sex dreams about being penetrated by a guy every once in a while. I'm never able to 'get off' while 'having sex' with the guy which at the time feels frustrating but I'm thankful for it when I wake up because the last thing I want is for a guy to get me off. Anyways, my dreams are just so damn confusing and I'm hoping someone will have some insight. In real life I wish so badly that I could be a cis-male. But I'm most always female in my dreams, or I just exist and can't tell what gender I am. This confuses me most of all and is one of the things that holds me back from transitioning. F**k I hate being confused about all this. Anyone have any input?

[Damian]

I have two theories:

A) It is you're masculine self "dominating" you're biological body and your mind is giving your present/past body its own character or voice through guilt or another mechanism.

B) Your mind in a controlled environment is experimenting with how society normally views relationships and how you view relationships and is showing the comparison to you so you don't have to doubt.
Hope this helps
-Rain 'Ray'

[KamTheMan]

Thank you for the reply, I definitely hope it's something like that. Because I always feel like less of a guy whenever I have these dreams, which sucks. It makes me wonder if they will persist or (hopefully) cease to occur post-transition.

[Damian]

Thank you for the reply, I definitely hope it's something like that. Because I always feel like less of a guy whenever I have these dreams, which sucks. It makes me wonder if they will persist or (hopefully) cease to occur post-transition.

No problem.
Have you taken 'T' yet?

[KamTheMan]

No I haven't taken T but I want to start. My therapist has been ready to write me a letter for a while now, I'm just scared of getting disowned by my family as I'm still financially dependent on them. Plus I have a 4 month old nephew but his mother (my sister in law) is Mormon (my brother converted for her). So I'm afraid she'll ban me from seeing him.

[JohnAlex]

Idk about you, but for me, I find that my dreams are almost ALWAYS about what I was thinking about earlier that day (or something I was thinking about in the past few days.)
So for example, a few days ago my friends' mom called me looking for him. and I missed her call. and I kept wondering if it was something important.  the next night I had a dream that my friends' mom called me and she was crying and telling me to save her son. and I was like "I'm on it!"  Then I woke up and was worried about my friend, but he was fine, lol.

That's a more light example. sometimes I have some really messed up dreams. but I can tell that they are just a mish mash of things, events, or thoughts that I had earlier that day.  So I often do have dreams of being a female, because I often think about my body during the day or my past, like when I see pictures of myself from before, or when relatives call me "she" and I end up having dreams where everyone calls me "she" and I wake up and wonder why I didn't get pissed off at those in my dream.
I try to take my dreams with a grain of salt.

[KamTheMan]

My dreams are always completely random. I'm always in a random place with a bunch of random people doing completely random stuff. I've been in  giant abandoned grocery store thinking oh this is my chance to steal a bunch of food. I've gone back to middle school as an adult to do better in school from the beginning. I've gone on a long road trip back to the college I dropped out of years ago, stopping at random places along the way and meeting complete strangers at stores or something. I've had more than a few where I'm in a plane that's usually too big or has a wall missing for some reason. Usually the plane crash lands somewhere but it's always pretty smooth and we just land in some random place. I've been running through a hotel with someone or at a completely ridic water park/theme park. Or like I said before, being in a completely random new place chasing after some girl or just being with her until I lose track of her or something and she's gone. And I used to have a lot of dreams where I could fly, which were awesome, but sometimes I'd have to put a lot of effort into it or I'd start falling. It's always some kind of adventure like that. Like, my dreams are so freaking weird and random and I ALWAYS wake up thinking, "WTF WAS THAT?!?!" I don't get it at all.

[Natkat]

by dream analysing, having the same kind of dream more than once, means your strugling with something over a longer period / you havent learn the lesson you needed to by the first time you dreamt it.
-
Being a bit off-analysing it can also simple be your worry or think about the dream and by that it keep repeating itself, like if your belive your gonna to get a nightmare right before you fall to sleep your probably going to get one.

[dalebert]

Because I always feel like less of a guy whenever I have these dreams, which sucks.

It sounds like you're not enjoying it so you don't seem gay. However, and maybe this helps even though it's sort of not applicable in your case, I would just like to point out that being gay doesn't make someone less masculine. I sometimes, mostly jokingly, think being gay actually makes you more masculine because you're a masculine person who's also into other masculine people. How is that not more masculine?

Also, dreams speak to us in symbols. It's like our subconscious mind is working things out but it doesn't think in words as much as our conscious mind. It's more primal in that sense. I'm inclined to think it's something like what Two Way Rain suggested with the man in your dream possibly representing some part of yourself and the "female" in your dream representing some other part of yourself. Also like she said, the action of sex can be symbolic of something else and probably is since you didn't find it erotic. Other people can analyze to some extent but you are the best person for interpreting it because only you know how you felt in response to various images and such.

[spring0721]

Kyle, try not to think about the dream, the more you think about it the more likely you'll have it again.  It doesn't sound like you're gay since you weren't enjoying the sex in the dream.  Just a thought, maybe your subconscious is remembering back from when you maybe dated as a girl, before you began your transition.  It's not uncommon to have dreams where you are yourself but from years ago, so if you dated guys a LONG time ago I guess it could have come from that. Whatever the reason, I'm sorry you're having thas dream since you are so upset by it  

On another note, I used to have those dreams that I could fly too when I was little.  They were the BEST, somehow once I grew up I never had them again