I can't believe it! I was actually planning on NOT telling my parents during my visit home for the holidays- mainly because I have read so many places that it is risky to tell people around stressful times of the year such as this. Well, luckily my therapist told me to keep an open mind and if the opportunity presented itself not to hold back.
So right before we ate lunch today my mom asks, "What are you doing that makes your beard look like it's basically gone?"
I told her "Oh, well, I have been shaving in the shower, and oh yeah I have been exfoliating, too". Not telling her the full truth seemed like a lie and it felt so so wrong. My mind was going NUTS eating that grilled cheese sandwich and I knew that this would be the time or I would be waiting for another visit home + feeling as if I'd wronged myself AND them for the rest of this extended holiday visit. I texted my recently exed gf (now my best friend) asking her what I should do. After a few under the table texts I had the reassurance I needed. My therapist's words were also ringing through my head finishing up the meal. As soon as my step dad left the room, I told her that I needed to talk to her in private. Ok no going back now!!!
She said "Ooookkaaay... are you going to tell me you're gay?"
"No, not gay"
Then she said "Oooookaaay... do you want to have a sex change??"
"No, well, actually....... I'm transgendered, so.... yes." *long pause*
She asked for clarification because at first she didn't know what TG meant, then sat down calmly and was all ears. I explained everything to her. When I got to the part about my brain being wired as a female, her reaction blew me away... "Wait so does this mean I have a daughter?? I've always wanted a daughter!!"
WHOA Nelly! Jackpot! The rest of the conversation was strictly enlightening. She asked a ton of positive questions, returning the answers with comments about wanting to help me in any way possible: shopping, makeup, the whole nine yards. Wowowowow was not expecting that. She went on to talk about how her best friend (who has many many gay friends) would be absolutely ecstatic to hear this news. Also I didn't know until today, but apparently my step grandmother's sister and brother are both gay. What a great conversation it was. We hugged deeply, both crying on each other's shoulders. Pure joy and acceptance. It was a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life.
She insisted on telling my step dad immediately, because there would be absolutely no way for her to keep it from him. As soon as he came back out she ushered him into the other room and said that I had something very important and exciting to tell him about. I went into it again, and his reaction wasn't exactly what I was hoping for (he had many concerns about possible future hardships). It was only out of love that he had these concerns, and after a half an hour he came fully around and gave me a hug- telling me he would love me no matter what and lightened the mood with some much appreciated joking in his usual fashion.
The whole day has been filled with hugs, smiles all around, and appreciation on their part for me being so honest with them and having the courage to completely open up to them. They are kind of religious, and usually pray silently at the dinner table. But tonight at dinner, it was not a silent prayer. She thanked her god for having me there and for sharing the deepest most inner workings of my soul with them.
This was one of the biggest hurdles I've been trying to sort out in my head as far as my transition.. and now it's DONE! What a load off of my shoulders this day has provided me with. I feel more like myself now than ever.
