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Adopting trans kids

Started by Simon, December 24, 2012, 10:21:33 PM

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Simon

Just out of curiosity does anyone here know anything about or had experience with adoption in the USA? My gf and I have been talking and it is probably 5 to 10 years down the road but we would like to adopt a few trans kids. I would think there has to be some... somewhere in the system that are looking for a loving home.

Has anyone adopted a trans child?
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Devlyn

Oh, Simon, what a wonderful gesture! I'll pack my things and be over tomorrow! Dad! Hugs, Devlyn
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aleon515

I think you need to start with foster kids to be honest. Sometimes trans parents can get into the foster system and sometimes not. I'd say if you are in the US that you'd have more luck in California than in say Alabama. I know some transmen that have done foster care. Sometimes the authorities are nice about it and sometimes not. Once you foster it might be easier to get older children. There won't be too many 5 year old trans kids. I know that that's when some of us figure it out, but realistically I'm guessing the actual coming out of 5 years is pretty rare, despite news stories.


--Jay
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DriftingCrow

I haven't adopted any kids or did any foster care, but my parents did foster care and adopted some kids. It's easier for a straight married couple to adopt kids, because at least as far as I know, there's certain requirements you need to meet in order for the agencies to determine if you're capable of raising the kids. If you change your markings on all your documents, they'll probably still know that you were born female somehow, so depending on how things are in the future (hopefully better!) that might play a role in determining your eligibility.

As mentioned by Aleon, most trans kids are going to be older. And, older kids are usually harder to make a bond with and often have behavioral problems, so that's something that would also need to be a factor in your considerations. One of my brothers wasn't adopted until he was about 9 or so, and there was just soo much behavioral problems with him that lasted for many years, he even had to be sent to the children's psych ward for awhile (which that inpatient care and years of therapy has actually seemed to work). It's definitely manageable for people who know what they're doing, and since you've mentioned before that you're thinking of going back to school to be a gender therapist, you'll probably be all set to manage some behavioral problems since you'll need to take some basic psych courses in school. But, that's still something that shouldn't be taken too lightly.

Perhaps you could also look into international adoption as well, I hear the requirements can be easier to meet depending on which country you're adopting from.

I think you'll be a great dad no matter what kid you adopt.  :)
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Nygeel

I'm in New York so what I know might not apply. I know a trans man in my area who is single, a college professor, and fostered a young trans woman. I don't know her whole story but I remember she came out when she was 12 or so. I guess her parents were not accepting or something.

Edit to add: opening a small shelter for homeless trans youth might be another idea. Could be easier or harder than adoption.
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Natkat

I have no adoption experience or knowlegde, I think its pretty imposible for transpeople to adop kids in my country unless its done before transition? (im not sure I never heard of it being succed even when I heard a couple of people who is trying) in the US I have complitely no idea.

I been put on some kinda "suport-take care of trans children" which is the closes to adoption, I know of.
I have meet trans kids before and now im to take care of them for a time (I must admit im abit nervous as I dont have much experience in children but its only for a short time)

I guess if adoption isn't an option maybe there would be something like that where you could be in connection with transkid to be some kind of suport.



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Simon

Thanks for the ideas everyone. As I said, it's something she and I have discussed but will be down the road. Just wondering if anyone had any experiences themselves.

It is a shame the system makes it so hard to adopt in the USA and even harder for those who they don't see as "normal". I would think they would want to place a trans kid (and by kid I figure they would be pre teen or older) with a trans family...then I think about it and doubt the government would want a trans kid to be "influenced" by a trans parent.
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aleon515

I think it HAS been done in the US. But am pretty sure it is not going to be in Texas, say. In some states marriage involving a trans person is not even legal (to say nothing for adoption!). In states that allow gay fosters and adoptions, well those are easier.

I agree re: the older kid thing. They can be a headache as they come with all sorts of baggage, some of it having almost nothing to do with being trans. For instance, kids who are bounced around a foster system are very insecure regardless of if they were trans.

I know a guy who has done multiple fosters as trans. Some of the case managers are ok with him being trans, and some are not and it almost has nothing to do with what the law is, and the law is actually pretty liberal in New Mexico. I am guessing you might run into the same discrepancies re: adoption.

--Jay
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DriftingCrow

Quote from: Simon on December 25, 2012, 12:05:42 PM
It is a shame the system makes it so hard to adopt in the USA and even harder for those who they don't see as "normal". I would think they would want to place a trans kid (and by kid I figure they would be pre teen or older) with a trans family...then I think about it and doubt the government would want a trans kid to be "influenced" by a trans parent.

Yeah, it's such a PITA that it can be easier and cheaper to adopt from oversees. Some states would probably be OK with allowing a trans family to adopt. In MA, they're pretty relaxed about LGB families (I am not sure about the T part though), probably because gay marriage is legal there,  as long as all the other boxes are checked. In 5-10 years when you're ready to adopt, maybe your state will have gay marriage or you'll be living elsewhere where it is allowed, so adoption could be easier.
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Catherine Sarah

Hi Simon,
Quote from: Simon on December 25, 2012, 12:05:42 PM
It is a shame the system makes it so hard to adopt in the USA

Just as well you don't live in Australia. In the state of New South Wales, adoption takes an absolute minimum of 7 years to even come close to a successful transaction. Last year (2011) there were 41 adoptions. Good news is, the particular Govt dept is looking to increase its productivity in 2013 and make 60 adoptions available.

This news hit a current affairs programme just recently, where a couple became so despondent about their prospects, they moved to USA and with 11 months they had adopted a baby.

Huggs
Catherine




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aleon515

I've heard depending on what age child you want to adopt it can be very difficult here too. Though I believe it varies a lot by state and so on. There are people that go outside the system. Might be easier here than in Australia, as I think Americans are not really averse to doing this and government tends to look the other way. I am speaking of course of things like foreign adoptions, paid adoptions, private adoptions (I mean out of state approved agencies-- many adoptions within approved ones) and so forth. Not sure if this Aussie couple ended up out of the system.

--Jay
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aleon515

Here in the US, availability of young white babies and bureaucracy.

--Jay
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