Lately my mother has been super not nice on the whole trans thing, calling me a freak and all that good stuff and waving off any of my perfectly logical reasons why I have to go through with this as silly. She even discredits all the specific incidents I recount to her, then demands to hear examples. I can't give examples if you tell me these things never happened and I'm making them up.
She was really starting to get to me, and I almost went into a questioning phase.
Almost.
My subconscious gave a huge NOPE at that and I ended up having the best dream ever.
I was a bio-male. As in cis. I was overjoyed.
No explanation how, but it happened. I went and looked in the mirror to find a reflection staring back at me with this amazing facial hair. I felt it and marveled at the growth (opposed to the peach fuzz that seems to grow back as soon as I shave it), then cried (manly) tears of joy. A quick examination revealed everything in order, some chest hair that was actually visible (instead of the hair growth on the moobs and the ridiculous fuzzy carpet my midsection is covered with that does nothing but make it feel like I'm petting a cat or something), I had these badass muscles, the horrors on my chest were gone...and downstairs? Well, it was close enough.
I almost gave out this schoolgirl kind of squeal, but composed myself like the man I am and left my house to go over to someplace I didn't recognize. Saw some of the cadets from my old squadron, they were about to say something but I gave them the perfect death stare and they knew to shut up.
I was a man, inside and out.
...And then I woke up. That was the saddest part. But I gave a high-five to my subconscious for being a bro and showing me what I needed to see.
Ironically, the squadron I used to attend Civil Air Patrol at was cool in that they didn't really care what gender you were. Yes, your blues had to be worn for the appropriate sex, but I wasn't out to anyone back then anyway so there wasn't much I could do about it. But they treated everyone as equals- I had this secret moment of pride when we had our PT exams and they graded me as a male by mistake (still passed the test though) and made an announcement to please remind them if you are a female. Everyone got a good laugh out of it, and I was able to keep from beaming from all that practice standing at attention on the ice cold drill floor. Really does help with discipline of the expressions.
(Ended up leaving the program not only due to conflicts but because I didn't want to be called ma'am, ever. I get really stubborn over that because it hurts enough hearing it from older teachers at school. My mother backed that decision because of the earlier incident listed, but of course there was a whole big argument about it.)
So there's my story of the day.
That, ladies and gents, is how I came to realize that doubting myself because someone has a case of irrational syndrome is silly.
