Kids at school

[Joe.]

At lunch time in school I have to do this lunch duty thing where I monitor everyone's behaviour and try and keep my part of the school under control. Usually I feel I'm quite fair to the kids but there's obviously the odd few that are constant trouble. I got my hair cut today and it's really short (short for me anyway) and I'm worried that the kids might use it against me. They already call me names but nobody mentions anything about what I wear etc. They might not start but I worry I'm going to get the 'you're a lesbian' or 'you look like a boy' or a lot worse knowing what the kids are like. I just want to be prepared for it if it does happen. Does anyone know what I can say back to them without flipping out, revealing that I'm trans and trying to keep my professionalism? It may not even happen, it's probably me being too paranoid.
Joey

[Adam (birkin)]

Kids will make fun of anyone, for anything. If they have it out for you for whatever reason (sometimes it can be that you're just there), they'll just find something that seems like an obvious sore spot. I know it was a huge struggle for a lot of people that worked at the schools I went to, even if they were straight and cis.

I always think to myself too, that a lot of kids grow up and later regret saying the dumb things they did. I know a few people who look back at some of the things they did and feel like a total jerk off. So when I think of people who have hurt me, I imagine them looking back and realizing it was wrong.

[spacial]

Think you need a few pointers on handling kids.

Firstly, never try to engage with a few, always talk to a group and talk to each the same way, regardless. So, if a few are especially difficult, treat all as especially difficult.

Second. Remain objective at all times. Keep your eye on the ball, so to speak, the goal. When some try to divert your attention, or trip you up, ignore. You're not there to make friends, you're there to manage a bunch of kids.

[suzifrommd]

Joey, I work with teens for a living. I don't know how old the kids you have are. I'll speak about teens, since that's where my experience is. You can adapt to different age groups as appropriate.

Teens may speak with confidence and bravado, but they are looking to adults to teach them how to be mature in the world. Whenever you speak to them, keep that foremost in your mind. It will help you to stay professional.

Gently and lovingly correct their behavior. For example:

Unruly teen: "You're a lesbo, aren't you?"
You: "First of all, you don't want to use that term. Some people would find it offensive. Second, it's something you don't want to ask someone straight out unless they're a close friend. It's personal. Third, you don't want to talk that way to an adult. They'll remember it. You don't know when you're going need someone on your side."
Unruly teen (maybe to one of his/her peers): "Jeez, what's eating HER today."
You: "I'm only telling you this because I like you. These are lessons you're going to need to learn. I'm on your side. Not everyone will be."

You get the idea? You're there to show them how to live their lives successfully. Whether or not they appreciate it, you're doing them a favor by correcting their brazen rudeness <<ahem>> I mean, by correcting their social faux pas.

I hope this helps.

[Joe.]

Yeah they range from 11 to 16 so early teens. I get exactly what you're saying. I always try and build a relationship with them that consists of mutual respect and if they have a problem with me I ask them what it is and then talk them through it. I've used the 'I'm on your side' a few times before. I get what you're saying though, they're good responses for what they might say. I always try and remain calm and professional, as difficult as it is sometimes, and I get told I do a good job so I'm trying to build up the confidence that tomorrow will be like any other day. Thank you for the advice though, it certainly did help.

Joey

[spacial]

Yeah they range from 11 to 16 so early teens. I get exactly what you're saying. I always try and build a relationship with them that consists of mutual respect
Joey

Seriously?

[Joe.]

What?

[Shang]

When I was teaching, I ran into some difficult kids.  I have used the "I want to help you", which I did, and it worked.  Along with building respect on all sides.  It worked great because they believed I was treating them like an adult, which I wanted to do. 

If the students gave me a hard time, I did what agfrommd suggested.  It worked fantastically for me and towards the end of the semester, the students weren't wanting me to leave because I was treating them like adults.  It was a safe environment no matter how much they ticked me off.

I would suggest explaining as agfrommd suggested.  It works wonders.

[Joe.]

Yeah that's what i'm trying to do. I don't want them to hate me. I treat them with respect and talk to them calmy rather than shouting. I was just as bad when I was their age so I say what I would have wanted to hear.
Joey

[Shang]

Yeah that's what i'm trying to do. I don't want them to hate me. I treat them with respect and talk to them calmy rather than shouting. I was just as bad when I was their age so I say what I would have wanted to hear.
Joey

You should be all right, then.   They'll make comments, but just shrug it off. [Harder done than said, I know.]

[spacial]

It up to you.

But I strongly suggest you don't try to be anyone's friend and you don't try to be a social worker, teacher or anyone else. You job is Lunch Duty.

Stick with that and do the best you can.

But if you try too hard it will look like you're milking things.

So what if someone calls you lesbian. Are they planning of sleeping with you? It's just a windup.

But good luck and do what you think is right.

[Joe.]

When we're trained we're trained to try and show them we're on there side and are enouraged to start conversations with them and avoid confrontation. My job isn't just lunch duty. I'm asked to work other times as well like on evenings and during the day if they need help with activities etc. I didn't have to work today but everyone else reacted well to my hair. I haven't saw many of the younger kids so I'll just have to see what happens tomorrow.

Joey

[spacial]

I didn't know that. I thought it was a lunch monitor situation.

I honestly don't know anything about that type of thing. Wish you well, as always, any advice I may have given was based upon lack of information.

[Felix]

I'm sure if you can keep your cool you'll be fine. Kids look up to adults more than they seem to (and more than they want to) and if you don't let their random nastiness rile you up they'll move on to something else. They so often don't have hard and fast beliefs so much as they just test everything and everyone around them.

I don't always remain calm and okay but if they don't notice I don't have problems.

[Joe.]

I didn't know that. I thought it was a lunch monitor situation.

I honestly don't know anything about that type of thing. Wish you well, as always, any advice I may have given was based upon lack of information.

I understand. Sorry about the confusion. I only mentioned the lunchtime thing because that was the thing I was worried about. I'm properly employed by the school but still a student.

I'm sure if you can keep your cool you'll be fine. Kids look up to adults more than they seem to (and more than they want to) and if you don't let their random nastiness rile you up they'll move on to something else. They so often don't have hard and fast beliefs so much as they just test everything and everyone around them.

Yeah I'm usually ok at that when I'm on duty as I've been trained and I know what to do to remain professional and deal with confrontations. I had one kid call me a fat c*** the other day and I kept my cool so hopefully I'll be fine. You're right in what you're saying.
Thanks for the advice
Joey