Quote from: Cindy James on January 17, 2013, 10:00:05 PM
I have in fact shopped in a Wal-Mart many years ago -they don't exist in Australia but big chain stores are the same the world over. These are very easy to shop in because you are totally anonymous. The sales assistants a re 9-5 and just want to get through the day without their boss hassling them. In reality you can go in dressed as bozo the clown with big feet, big red nose and a funny wig and 50% of them wouldn't notice.
No Wal-Mart I've shopped at (and I've been in ones all over the East Coast and at least as far West as Utah), tend to have enough floor staff to even ask questions. They might sometimes have someone near the women's changing rooms or at a jewelry counter. But the staffing tends to be low, and low service, so for the most part you are almost never going to be bothered by anyone, unless you go out of your way to get their attention.
Granted, before my kids were born, I had a job where I regularly went to all kinds of stores to gather information on how products were merchandised, so I learned a good bit about how sales staff tend to think about their jobs, and I was kind of used to making sure that I went in confident, and not sending signals to attract suspicion. Act like you belong there, and staff will assume you are there to buy what they are selling. They usually don't care about your reasons, unless you volunteer the info as part of seeking their help.
Because I did this as part of my job, and sometimes did weeklong tours of the country to get a comparison by area and region, I also did have the opportunity to slip in some personal shopping in places I knew I was unlikely to return to if anything did go badly for me, back when shopping for the clothes I really wanted was still making me nervous. This was limited only by the practical matter of needing to carry my purchases back home and finding space for them in my luggage, which, even in pre 9/11 days I tried to keep light and compact.
Still, getting to a point where you feel it's within your rights to be there can take time, especially if you're presently in a situation where you feel like someone close to you is trying to bargain with you or negotiate about your identity and feelings that may have been suppressed, but have long been simmering beneath the surface.
As a practical strategy, if you can't just convince yourself that you have as much right to shop there as anyone, and it's no one's business what you wear, you can always go with a rationalization and a standing explanation in your head, that you're shopping for a gift, or some even more arcane fiction. Not sure this really helps in the long run, but it might serve as a stopgap?
QuoteI can wear a skirt and blouse and look very business like and be wearing outrageously sexy lingerie, and no one knows but me. So decide what you want pick it up put it into your shopping basket and go the cashier can them scanned whatever and pay for them. Task done. If they ask are they for you with a sly grin, say yes with a sly grin back. Not any of their concern.
In decades of shopping for lingerie and undergarments, I've been asked or had comments no more that a few times. And usually those were complements about my taste, with an assumption from the sales clerk that I was probably buying a gift, or expressing approval that I was going for something both pretty and comfortable, that they wished their SO would think to buy for them.
QuoteSkirts. My first times I picked up a skirt hopping it was my size took it home and was disappointed. How to tell the waist size? Easy. Measure your waist with a tape measure. Divide that figure in two. Measure that distance on your arm from had to wherever. Make a mark or remember where that distance is. Pick up a skirt, hold it against your arm and measure it for size against your reference marks. Easy.
I need to remember this. At this point I usually just try things on, since I also want to see how the fit is in general. Waistband fit is fine, but if it looks awkward on my not so ample backside, it's not worth spending the money, no matter how cute the garment is.
QuoteTrying clothes on. In boutiques etc, just ask, can I try these? Often the cubicles are locked or monitored to prevent theft. It is very common in nice boutiques for staff to ask if you are OK. They mean is the size OK. If it is too small or too large ask if they have a larger or smaller size. They will bring it too you. Woman don't want to keep dressing and undressing to try the next size. If was taken aback inone of my early sessions, I was still dressing as a male and I was trying on a dress, in a boutique shop. I had asked and the girk said sure and unlocked a cubicle for me. After 5-10 mins she wandered past and aske how the fit was. I said I think its too tight, she said ,let me see. So I opened the door and stood there a guy in a dress, she looked and said yes too tight you need the next size up, and then asked if the bust size would be OK when I was dressed up. I said yes I think so, I'm a 38C when dressed. She brought the next size and off I went. BTW she wasn't embarrassed, she wasn't trying to embarrass me. She wanted the sale, she got it.
Reminds me of the last time I shopped in a more full-service boutique. Right now I'm trying to stay on a strict budget, so discount stores and heavy sales pricing are the rule for me. But I recall similar surprise and attentive service the first time I told myself, this is what I want, and I'm tired of buying things blind. A good sales person knows that such attention, if it is well-received, is also likely to boost the final sale, if they get a customer on a slow day and time who is open to their assistance and courteous attention. Any salesperson who is intentionally rude is not going to last long. And you can bet for experienced salesgirls, that you are not the first transwoman (or crossdresser) they have served.
