MTF in need of help

[MaryXYX]

My procedure was penis inversion as there was sufficient material there.  I haven't heard of it being done in more than one stage unless something goes wrong.  I wasn't watching (!) but I understand they used skin from the scrotum to make my labia major and minor.  My clitoris is partially hooded and I was assured it looks right.

I haven't been able to have an orgasm.  This could be loss of sensation, or lack of technique.  I am supposed to have a G-spot as well as a clitoris, but I haven't been able to prove it.  I haven't done anything about this but I suppose I should while I still have enough estrogen to make it worthwhile.

[Rachel]

Hi Mary,

I had a micro penis and small scrotum. To add, although I had a BMI of 23 I have  a fair amount of fat in the mons pubis area ( less after the operation). Because I had been 327 pounds at one time I have a lot of stretch marks. Some are pretty bad. The area the doctor was going to take the graph has fine stretch marks. So I guess the scrotum was the best for a graph.

I wish things were different but they are not. The phasing was to allow the graph the best possibility of taking. The doctor did not know if the scrotum would survive. She said that several times before the operation and several times after the operation. She inspected my genitals 4 times before the operation. The penile skin died because it had no supporting vascular infrastructure. She said just after the operation, "your penile skin is wimpy". Then she said it was white due to lack of blood flow and may not survive.

I was thinking today:
I swam competitively from age 5 to age 14, all year round. I could not go into the locker room to shower and change. The bathing suits show everything and it was incredible embarrassing. If I had my new equipment I would have no issue going into the woman's locker room or wearing a female swim suit.

[MaryXYX]

Oh yes, you can change in the women's locker room now, and be confident in your body.  I was 66 when I bought my first bikini and I've been to the pool with it.  T-girls can do things that scare ordinary people!

[Rachel]

So I texted and e-mailed my boss and HR that I am coming back to work Friday. The only restriction is I will need to dilate twice a day in my office during Lunch and a break ( lunch and a break are state law). I sent a PDF of my GCS certificate for file purposes just in case a cis woman has an issue with me in a woman's room.

I received an e-mail requesting I not return to work Friday because they need to come up with alternate work arrangements and I gave them short notice. I am required to give 3 days notice. I texted them Monday and texted and e-mailed them today. I was supposed to be out 8 weeks and I want to go back after 3.5 weeks.

I texted HR and asked if I am being termed or reassigned. She said they are trying to find a location for me to dilate. I replied I can do that in my office and I use chucks so there would be no issue of any mess. To that there is no reply.

There needs to be a plan for everything at work. It delayed my coming out, my GCS and my FFS and now my return to work.

[Rachel]

I as thinking, what had the worst pain FFS or GCS and which had the more difficult recovery for the first three weeks.

Hands down FFS on the third day was the worst pain. I was throwing up all day from stopping the oxi and could not take in anything. The pain from throwing up was pretty bad. Taking the bandages off my face on the 4th day from FFS was traumatic. I felt so ugly; I had so many stiches and staples. I was alone with FFS and that made a huge difference.

GCS on the other hand I stayed at my sisters for a week after leaving the hospital. I was sewn closed and when opened a week after the operation the doctor and 2 PA-C's were very happy and the doctor said it looks great. She said when you look at it it will not look great but trust me you will look great.

I think having that reassurance from the doctor and having someone with me helped me psychologically. Also, If I just knew to take anti acids, which I eventually did, for the oxi acid stomach then day 3 FFS would not have been so bad. It the doctor had spent some time before leaving the hospital and reassure me and discussed how I will look after the bandages were removed then I would have faired better, still shocked but better.

[SadieBlake]

Oh geez, if you have an office and the door locks I'd have not included your employer on need to dilate. Medical information is private and if there's no operating reason for them to know then why disclose? Anyhow I hope you shake out these details ok.

I was cleared to go back to work yesterday, 3 weeks post op. I heal really quickly and Dr. McGinn was very please with the healing.

Thanks for mentioning all of this. I've always healed from traumas, including surgeries at least 2x faster than average and so you remind me that I should allow for the possibility of anything from an extended recovery to an extra-short one. Always better if people are prepared for a range of possibilities.

[Rachel]

Hi SadieBlake, thank you for the support. Most everyone in the department has a key to my office because I work in Facilities; my boss eats lunch with us periodically. Dr. McGinn made it a restriction for return to work and I am obligated to report it to short term disability administrators, FMLA administrators and my supervisor. I included senior HR because he would go to them and they help ground him. I think they want me to have access to a room where I can lay down and has a sink and appropriate receptacle. I do not think they want  me in the woman's room washing dilators before and after dilation.

I saw my therapist in the gayborhood today. I walked 10 blocks (5 to and 5 from) to get prescriptions at Mazzoni and then about 6 blocks to a sex shop recommended by my therapist. Dr. McGinn wants me to try to achieve an orgasm by my next office visit 1/5/2017. When I got home I had blood in my pad from my clitoris tip that must have been rubbing on my pad when I walked. There was a regular sided pad 1/2 full of blood. My clitoris is pink and healthy and no blood flowing when I dilated. I purchased a vibrator at the sex shop to aid me in achieving an orgasm over the next 3.5 weeks. Any pointers would be helpful. Dr. McGinn has me putting 1% hydro cortisone cream in the vagina to reduce scarring and granulation for the next 6 weeks.

With my therapist I talked about reconciliation of my cohort and it was emotional. I will explain that some time soon. She also asked me about how I was feeling about the operation and the difference and with Dr. McGinn stating I am intersexed. She asked if I thought my parents made a choice. She asked if I wanted to reach out to an intersexed group to discuss being intersexed. We talked about the operation when I was 12 and what I remembered. The 1st half of the session was great and the second half that included all in this paragraph was not pleasant. I hedged and know it is tough to face this.

[Rachel]

I started the #3 dilator today. #2 goes in first for 10 minutes. The 3rd from the top dot is not visible and I am half way to the 2nd dot. When I put #3 dilator in it went in easily but there is little to no extra room on the sides of the vaginal canal. #3 went in to the 3rd dot. I did not push much with the #3 dilator.

When I looked at the #3 dilator it looked so much bigger than #2. So far so good.

I tried the vibrator externally to and around my vagina and I did not get any erogenous sensations. I will try next week.

[Rachel]

Back to work tomorrow. I was off for 26 days and really need to get back to work.

When I was dilating this morning (2nd of the day) I noticed a small amount of fresh blood on the #3 dilator tip. I have not had any blood on the dilators for a while. I was pushing pretty hard. Should I back off on the pressure when I dilate?

[Dena]

A small amount of blood can happen. You might have knocked off a scab or popped a stitch which is to be expected. If there is a sizable amount of blood, that is an issue. Monitor it each time you dilate and if it gets worst, discuss it with your doctor.

[Rachel]

Thank you Dena. I will check it pretty closely for a while. I really do not want to create an issue by pushing on the dilator too hard yet I want to gain in depth.

Currently the #3 dilator 3rd dot is just visible when I look in the mirror.

[SailorMars1994]

Omg surgery im so jelious! just wondering is it covered in the US like it is in Canada?

[Dena]

Omg surgery im so jelious! just wondering is it covered in the US like it is in Canada?

In the United States, it's out of pocket or if you have the correct insurance, insurance will cover it. The government has insurance for those over 65 and those with very limited income but I am not sure what they cover.

[SailorMars1994]

Oh ok i see, is there not even a single state like California or Vermont thats liberal enough to cover it? that seems so unfair you guys south of the border have to fork it out of pocket

[SadieBlake]

Massachusetts requires insurers to cover GCS with the exception of self insured companies however most places large enough for that offer better transition benefits than the state requires.

Google may tell you what other states require coverage.

[Rachel]

My Coverage from work includes:

GCS
BA
Voice
hair
adam's apple
Electrolysis
therapy
hormones

There is an annual co-pay until I reach $2,500 and I have a bi-weekly pay deduction for health insurance.

FFS is not covered but due to cost I can use it as a deduction on my federal taxes.

[Denise]

My insurance covers Every recommendation of WPATH.  The list is pages long.  Even stuff I'd never heard of.

It really depends on your policy.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

[Rachel]

I went to work today. I dilated twice at work and it went well.

I asked a fiend at work what she thought if I used the woman's room sink to wash the dilators. She said she thought it would not be a good idea. So I washed them in a single stall staff bathroom.

I am tired and it was a long day.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Rachel,
   Were you nervous about going back? Did you get any questions or comments? Did you feel any more or less confident? Maybe you were too tired to care? Was it good to be back?
Moni

[Rachel]

Hi Denise, does your policy cover FFS?

Hi Monica, I was very happy to get back to work. I really enjoy the people I work with and have a lot of friends there. I had a lot of people welcoming me back. I had a bunch of people that wanted details about pain and how I feel. A few asked if I felt different. A couple asked for some more specifics, they are woman I know very well. A lot of the guys were disappointed the BA was postponed. Even though I did not have a BA I did get some looks with my existing equipment.

I had no specific thought of confidence but I feel happy and a large amount of my dysphoria is gone. I know there are stories where a few say after GCS that it was a mistake; for me, it was the best thing I have ever done.