MTF in need of help

[Rachel]

I went to the therapist today we discussed:

I went over voice; I think the issue is that I try to go low (170 to 190) as the natural frequency. The timbre (overtones) at that pitch is full and to me sounds tinny and raspy. Others say it sounds lighter and has less timbre than before.

I am up against the vocal rest and articulation is difficult. I never had an issue going through my vocal rest before but now I can not glide through it. I tried to talk just on the other side of the vocal rest and my pitch goes from 170- 190 to 230- 250. I can articulate just above the vocal rest and it is just below falsetto. I think it sounds ok. I made an appointment to work on my voice with my speech pathologist Wednesday. I think I have processed the change in my voice. I like the internal sound and crispness of my voice just above the vocal rest. I think I can make this work I think I like the internal sound of my voice at the higher pitch. I am soft spoken and never spoke loud. I need to ty to project a bit more. I am getting use to my new voice and the higher pitch. I think I like it, time will tell.

We discussed my ex making settlement and moving Saturday. My ex said she will do a slow move out over a month or so. Then she wants to keep some stuff here, what? My daughter claimed my ex's bedroom. So much for that bed. I was going to move into there for a time. I wanted to take my bedroom apart. Paint and move everything out and put back just as I wanted. I also entertained asking a friend if she wanted to move is as a room mate. Oh well, we will see.

I went over my meeting questions on Monday with Dr. McGinn. I am having her review my brows for possible lift. I think it would open up my eyes and let more light in. Dr. McGinn will not do it if she does not think it will help. I went over two questions. One) how long will I be out of work for the 4/4/18 operation? Two) if she removes scar tissue will that reduce my vaginal canal diameter? When I dilate and increase the diameter will I split (happened before) and will I reform the scar tissue? Would a new graft be needed? Would she entertain peritoneal as a graph? 

I have been doing better overall with accepting my ex moving out. The movers are here Saturday and I will be at work, no park   Tuesday I took her new TV and sound bar and new lock and took it to her condo. I change the lock. On the way home I felt very sick. I am glad she was driving.

I reduced my restricted feeding schedule to 6 hours a day from 8 to 10 hours a day. I need to lose 30 pounds.

[Rachel]

My wife and daughter had their stuff moved (most of their stuff) Saturday. I helped with some stuff today. Tonight will be their last day night sleeping at my place. We are all good friends and will be going to their place and they mine. I guess it is working out ok.

I walked in the park today with a 60 pound pack and plan to do so tomorrow morning. I Go to Papillion for a 1:30 exam tomorrow. Dr. McGinn is doing the revision at no cost and I am having my brows reviewed for a possible brow lift.

After my brows I need my buccal fat removed and mandible skin tightened and tummy and saddle bags fat removed.

Some positive stuff.

I really am liking my hair. I was almost bald on top and now it is really good. I like my curls too. The second grafts should be breaking ground the end of the month

Walking in the park 6 miles with my pack is like a happy drug. I do not know why but I love that park and how I feel walking there. I was there about 1 hour before dawn and sunrise was beautiful today. There was some ice but no slips today.

Voice,

I was fighting my voice. I no longer have a low registry. I was going to the lowest point of my voice and it to me sound very odd. I choose a slightly different point and a small bit higher and my voice is smooth and a bit higher pitch about 190 hz. My voice is directly in my nose and head area. If I move my pitch just a small bit I go to a falsetto type voice at 220 to 250 hz and articulation puts the Hz up to 300 or higher HZ.

I see Dr. McGinn Monday,
electrolysis Tuesday,
Voice pathologist Wednesday and Dr. Sataloff (voice surgeon) Wednesday. I may inquire about glottoplasty.
Thursday Therapist, and group . My Thursday electrolysis had GCS and is out for a while.

[Kendra]

> My wife and daughter had their stuff moved (most of their stuff) Saturday. I helped with some stuff today. Tonight will be their last day night sleeping at my place. We are all good friends and will be going to their place and they mine. I guess it is working out ok.

Rachel this is a huge milestone and I am glad you can remain friends.  When I first joined Susan's and read your entire thread, in earlier posts I couldn't have imagined this going so well.  I know life isn't perfect and can be quite far from that at times, but you set a great example of achieving the best possible outcome under the circumstances - and continue reaching for more.  Hard work and patience.

[Rachel]

Hi Kendra, thank you for the support. My ex and daughter left with the cats this morning. I had a chance to say good by to them. That chapter of my life is closing.

I went to Social Security this morning and filed for my name and gender change. They will process it when the federal government openes back up. Odd little country we live in.

I stopped by Jarrids on the way home and picked up a set of diamond and silver hoop earrings. Hay, I had to to brighten the day.

I am in the waiting area at Pappion. The three seats are taken and I do not want them sit in the jump seat. Brows brows brows, we will see.

I was using a silicone scar strip on my neck and took it off because it is a bit red.

The slow motion train wreck was stopped. A little clean up and a new train comes out of the station. Next weeks goal is hair and art museum. I will drop 30 pounds 😀

[Rachel]

My visit at Papillion,

Dr. McGinn no longer uses Lower Bucks Hospital. They considerably raised their prices and she now uses Barix Clinics. It is a surgery center with inpatient.

So Dr. McGinn examined my brows. The one brow is a little lower than the other. My face is not symmetrical as Dr. McGinn stated and than apologized for being so brunt. Anyhow, she said the only person that notices it is me. She said due to the type of minor correction needed and the possibility of overcorrecting she does not recommend surgery.

For the April surgery she recommended I take 2 weeks off from work. She said she will be using my surrounding skin for the graph. I asked if my vaginal canal diameter will be reduced and she said no and that the canal will have healthy donor skin to replace the scar tissue.

On the way home I stopped into Warrior piercing on Main Street New Hope. The woman that pierced my belly button was there. She pierced my nipples ouch.   

[Cassi]

My visit at Papillion,

Dr. McGinn no longer uses Lower Bucks Hospital. They considerably raised their prices and she now uses Barix Clinics. It is a surgery center with inpatient.

So Dr. McGinn examined my brows. The one brow is a little lower than the other. My face is not symmetrical as Dr. McGinn stated and than apologized for being so brunt. Anyhow, she said the only person that notices it is me. She said due to the type of minor correction needed and the possibility of overcorrecting she does not recommend surgery.

For the April surgery she recommended I take 2 weeks off from work. She said she will be using my surrounding skin for the graph. I asked if my vaginal canal diameter will be reduced and she said no and that the canal will have healthy donor skin to replace the scar tissue.

On the way home I stopped into Warrior piercing on Main Street New Hope. The woman that pierced my belly button was there. She pierced my nipples ouch.

Well,since my sinus preclude me from getting my nose pierced, the idea of belly button and nipples done sounds interesting though I think I'll wait for them to grow up a little

[Laurie]

Hi Rachel,

  Even though you wife and daughter moving out and are remaining one friendly terms I cannot help but feel this is a sad event. I am sorry that your relationship with them had to come to this point. I would and did take separation from my family hard. And it certainly was not on good terms. As I'm sure you have read in my own thread I am still trying to come to terms with it. So girlfriend I understand what I am sure is going on inside of you and my heart goes out to you. At least you will still be able to see and visit with them. Take heart in that. You are a strong woman and have come through a lot of heartache and pain. You're stronger than I am. I am not sure I would even be here now if it was not for the help of you and others here. We are here for you too Rachel. I'm glad to read the train wreck was averted.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Rachel]

Hi Cassie, I waited 6 months after my BA to get my nipples pierced. You do not want to introduce an infection to a new implant. Good luck in your piercing journey and relax when pierced.

Hi Laurie, thank you so much for your understanding and support. Things could be much worse. I guess there is a price to pay for everything.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Cassie, I waited 6 months after my BA to get my nipples pierced. You do not want to introduce an infection to a new implant. Good luck in your piercing journey and relax when pierced.

Hi Laurie, thank you so much for your understanding and support. Things could be much worse. I guess there is a price to pay for everything.

Rachel,
Glad the visit went well. Glad Dr. McGinn found a new place to use. Wonder where it is. As for this nipple piercing stuff, I guess I am the old fashioned one here. lol BA yes, piercing no!

Fortune cookie saying, "As one door closes, another door opens." Good advice for you two cookies, Rachel and Laurie!

[Rachel]

Hi Monica, the new surgery place is by the oxford valley mall and Sesame Place.

Cookies, I am trying to lose weight, hold the cookies.

I think when I get into a routine things will get better. I am going to get several memberships to art and science places and the zoo in philly. They have monthly get togethers. I need to not step foot into a bar in the gayborhood.

I am on the Pride exec committee, safety committee, infection prevention and control committee, artificial placenta advisory board and water intrusion committee at work. I volunteer at Mazzoni and at Pride events so I have contacts and exposure but not the right environment to find someone.

I need the acknowledge doing something socially is a bit intimadating and awkward. Acknowledging it is the first step to owning it.

Pierced nipples look so good , just saying.

[Cassi]

Hi Monica, the new surgery place is by the oxford valley mall and Sesame Place.

Cookies, I am trying to lose weight, hold the cookies.

I think when I get into a routine things will get better. I am going to get several memberships to art and science places and the zoo in philly. They have monthly get togethers. I need to not step foot into a bar in the gayborhood.

I am on the Pride exec committee, safety committee, infection prevention and control committee, artificial placenta advisory board and water intrusion committee at work. I volunteer at Mazzoni and at Pride events so I have contacts and exposure but not the right environment to find someone.

I need the acknowledge doing something socially is a bit intimadating and awkward. Acknowledging it is the first step to owning it.

Pierced nipples look so good , just saying.

Stop teasing me!!!!!

"PIERCED NIPPLES LOOK SO GOOD".....................

[HappyMoni]

Rachel,
   I am picturing the door knockers from Young Frankenstein when you mention pierced nipples. Can you say, "Frave blooker?" (Horses neighing in background)

Sounds like you are being smart. The more you are involved in, the more you will relax, the more you relax, the better your chance of finding someone. Keep the faith.

[Rachel]

Hi Cassie and Monica, the piercings are petite and very pretty, not door nockers. When I had my BA my nipples became more sensitive. When I  pierced them the nipples have become more sensative. I am still glad I did it

I had to work today and tomorrow I will go to the park and have dinner  with my daughter and ex wife.

I need to call Comcast tomorrow and get an internet account.

Next week I will schedule an appointment to get my hair colored, thinking blond.

So, how does one go about finding a man that is a friend and lover?

[Cassi]

Hi Cassie and Monica, the piercings are petite and very pretty, not door nockers. When I had my BA my nipples became more sensitive. When I  pierced them the nipples have become more sensative. I am still glad I did it

I had to work today and tomorrow I will go to the park and have dinner  with my daughter and ex wife.

I need to call Comcast tomorrow and get an internet account.

Next week I will schedule an appointment to get my hair colored, thinking blond.

So, how does one go about finding a man that is a friend and lover?

I don't know how to find a man that is a friend & lover, I'm a lesbian

[SashaHyde]

Therapy.
My true female side came out earlier this month and I haven't been the same since. I can't go an hour without online shopping for womens clothes and do research. I've always had a reverence for women. Its only weeks ago that I realized while I've had happy times as a man and I'm generally a happy person, and listening to other ladies that I don't think, I know I'd be happier as a woman. There is so much I loathe about being male. It will however most likely be 2-3 years before I present as a woman fully. I want at least a full year hrt to soften my man suit, lose fat and a bunch of muscle and top surgery. To be honest, I can't wait for SRS. I KNOW not being part of male culture will feel right for me. Let's do this! lol.
That being said, I want to see a therapist. The mind is a powerful thing. It can you lead you to a course of action that could harm you. Best to find a therapist you connect with and trust and get an outside perspective. My appointment is coming up )
I know I can't say for certainty but I really don't think that I'll miss my boy parts. SO long as I can orgasm, I'm good!


--Sasha

[Rachel]

Hi Cassie, where do you find a companion?

Hi Sasha,

Congratulation on coming to the point of transition. In order to get GCS you need to be a year full time living in female cloths, HRT, change you name on your work ID and go to a therapist so a letter (s) can be written recommending you for GCS. I had been going to therapy for 2.5 years ( I was trying to save my marriage)  before I decided to get FFS and GCS with BA.

What I thought was impossible turned out to be a long series of obstacles that needed to be breached one at a time. When I reached a milestone I looked back and went over all I had accomplished to that point.

Now I am me and still on a journey with the end in sight. Looking back, I can now say I do not look at being a female as the goal. I am female and the goal was to be me. It took me longer than most but I can also say that for me dysphoria was 100% cured. I also have had a marked reduction in suicidal ideation. Although still there sometimes it is significantly less intense and not prolonged.

Good luck in your transition and remember to breath and smell the flowers along the way.

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I had to work Saturday and was with a woman that is pretty awesome. She has a friend that loves to do makeup as a hobby She will check with her to see if she will teach me her contouring techniques and other tricks.

[Cassi]

Hi Cassie, where do you find a companion?

Hi Sasha,

Congratulation on coming to the point of transition. In order to get GCS you need to be a year full time living in female cloths, HRT, change you name on your work ID and go to a therapist so a letter (s) can be written recommending you for GCS. I had been going to therapy for 2.5 years ( I was trying to save my marriage)  before I decided to get FFS and GCS with BA.

What I thought was impossible turned out to be a long series of obstacles that needed to be breached one at a time. When I reached a milestone I looked back and went over all I had accomplished to that point.

Now I am me and still on a journey with the end in sight. Looking back, I can now say I do not look at being a female as the goal. I am female and the goal was to be me. It took me longer than most but I can also say that for me dysphoria was 100% cured. I also have had a marked reduction in suicidal ideation. Although still there sometimes it is significantly less intense and not prolonged.

Good luck in your transition and remember to breath and smell the flowers along the way.

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I had to work Saturday and was with a woman that is pretty awesome. She has a friend that loves to do makeup as a hobby She will check with her to see if she will teach me her contouring techniques and other tricks.

Hi Rach!

Haven't found one yet.  Funny though I use to be on POF, lol.  Working on getting transportation so I can expand my range and check out the Trans events here in Vegas.  Then as I progress, may try the POF female looking for female.  Right now, I think I'd get my butt kick because I'm nowhere near the least feminine yet, lol.

[Rachel]

Hi Cassi, getting your butt kicked is not recommended Perhaps full disclosure up front and seeing what POF has to offer. Why not go to a lesbian bar? You may not "look" like a typical lesbian but you may find a friend and friends have friends. Maybe I should take my own advise.

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I have to admit  have been lax with my documents. I just received my Social Security card in the mail today with my name on it. WAY COOL. I just have my college diploma and 2 credit cards to change and my utilities.

[Cassi]

Hi Cassi, getting your butt kicked is not recommended Perhaps full disclosure up front and seeing what POF has to offer. Why not go to a lesbian bar? You may not "look" like a typical lesbian but you may find a friend and friends have friends. Maybe I should take my own advise.

_____________________________________

I have to admit  have been lax with my documents. I just received my Social Security card in the mail today with my name on it. WAY COOL. I just have my college diploma and 2 credit cards to change and my utilities.

Thanks Rach, I'll think about it.  If I looked like my Avatar I'd surely think about it.  Sadly, HRT hasn't done that much to me and it's one of those FaceApp pics which blew me away as I see a lot of my mom and younger sisters in my face

The Therapist suggested that I find like minded/body people and have more of a support group.  I did mention this site and that aside from my wacky comments that might someday get me into trouble, I have found a lot of nice people and learned a great deal.  There's a place called the Center here in Vegas and I was just talking to my daughter earlier today about maybe driving over there as they do have some trans activity.

[Rachel]

Cassie, I go to a LBBT center, which has a group and another group. You can make friends there. I at the point where trans friends are great but I want a boyfriend. I want someone to do things with and not be suffocating.

I was thinking if I was lesbian I would get a part time weekend job at a lesbian bar.
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