MTF in need of help

[krobinson103]

For me when I finally decided to date (I've had orchiodectomy but not srs) I felt that it was important to tell my date that I am indeed trans. If they don't like that, they leave and its not a problem later on. Now I have Alicia who loves me for me its not so important, but, I'm not going to pretend I'm anything but me post srs next year. To me it feels liking hiding in the opposite direction.

As for dating? Just be careful, meet in public spaces first, and go with what feels right.

[Rachel]

@linde , I agree that an app is good. It can make sure both parties are who they say they are. I did load the app as I said I would but he never contacted me. He texted me last night saying he texted me all weekend and I did not reply. I replied back I did not receive any texts from him. He did not reply. I need to block him. Strike 4 lies.

@notaprofessionaljustapro , wow from 2013. I got promoted at work, divorced and have a friendly relationship with my ex. My daughter is graduating next month from college and I am not invited to the graduation. I am pretty much done with transition and I am looking to share some time and understanding with another person. A lot of change in 6 years.

@krobinson103 , I agree. I am who I am. I will not hide my past with a date. I have a large number of guys that want to meet me from POF. I am just going very slow.
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So this really nice guy at work asked to talk in private. He showed me a pic of a pretty woman that works at a bar he goes to. He said he was told she is trans pre-op. He wanted to talk to me about it. We did. He then said she is 25 and too young for him. I asked his age which is closer to my age. Anyhow, he is at work and reports to a different Senior Director but still a coworker which may be a difficult position.

He had asked about sex pre-op and I explained about hormones male and female and sex drive. I explained about sex pre-op and post op.  Then said transition is about gender and elaborated and not about sex. I said I have several offers and in community I could go to lots of parties and events but I have not had sex. His facial expression changed and he said, you are a virgin, in a questioning voice. I said yes. Anyhow, he went on his way and I am just wondering what comes next.

[Linde]

Anyhow, he went on his way and I am just wondering what comes next.

There you go!  Love comes tucking along when you expect it the least.  This is similar how I met my ex, same company but different groups!

I hope he is all wild about you and thinking hard how to approach you properly!

Good luck!
Linde

[Charlie Nicki]

So last night the guy texted me that he would only meet me if I went on whatsapp first. I said when I got home tonight I would load the app and we could video each other.

I thought about this today. I loaded the app on my phone than I stopped. He did not text me and I did not text him. I felt like it was an audition. I felt like if I passed he would date me and be seen in public. If not I would be a private play thing. I just felt like a commodity.

This is what he texted me at 12:40 AM this morning. ( my phone blocks all sounds from 9P to 3:30A)
Wm not meeting up without making a video call to ascertain us..good night.

I wake at 3:30 for work. I read his text and showered and dressed for work. I replied at 4:40 AM:
ok, when I get home tonight I will download the app and we can chat.

He made a demand. I loaded the app and he did not text or call. So, I think this is over before it started.

I could have called him. I could have texted him. I felt he put a barrier up to us meeting. I did what I said I would do but he did not text me tonight. Was I to text him or call him or video him?

Meeting in a public place I think was the issue. Hay, all he had to do was walk into the bar and if it was not to be then walk out and text me in the parking lot and say something came up. We live in the same town and it is small. Not like I was asking for much.

To be fair, he did demand we video chat before meeting. We did not video chat and he did not contact me. If he wanted to contact me and see if I loaded the app like I said I would he would have contacted me.

Strike - wanted to meet at my house
strike - made a demand
strike - did not contact me to video

Is he married? Is he just out for sex? Is he that insecure to walk into a bar and have a few minute conversation? Is he afraid someone will see him?

I wanted someone to share activities with me and yes if we connected and there was feeling toward each other then more.

I am a woman that loves herself and is not ashamed of who I am. I will not get into a relationship with someone that is not on the same page. I will most likely not meet someone but this will not stop me from trying.

I think the fact that he wanted to meet at your house is definitely a red flag, because it could mean he didn't wanna be seen in public with you and that's enough of a reason to ignore him. But wanting to do a videocall before the meeting is not necessarily a bad thing...Nowadays anyone can impersonate anyone through social media and catfish people, so maybe he just wanted to make sure you were the same person he had seen in pictures.

[Rachel]

@Linde, I think I will just send out positive energy and see what comes my way. I hope something comes about but will not be upset if it does not.

@Charlie Nicki, I think the video chat would be be fine. I loaded the app and sent him a test stating such. He was just not secure enough in his identity and just wanted to satisfy a sexual fantasy. It was a definite red flag, thanks.

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I see Dr. Sataloff on 6/6/19 and I need some coarse of treatment for my voice. If I do not get something to break up the scar tissue then I will look elsewhere. I will have a crisp clear voice.

From looking at the scar tissue, its position and the extent of the vocal fold closure I can see how it is putting a restriction on the posterior portion of the vocal fold. If it is freed an amount equal to the top vocal fold gap I would think the vocal folds will touch.

My voice is still improving but ever so slowly. I like the pitch but not the vocal fold gap posterior.
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Vagina healing is fully complete and the correction is outstanding. I am very happy
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I have 2 tankinis and I want to get one regular bathing suit. Then I need to make plans for BEACH TIME. Need a good pair of sandals and a hat. 
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Work
We had a one week inspection. My department had only one minor infraction and it was easily corrected on the spot. I am a week behind in work now. I am so relieved. I did not sleep last night.

[Lexxi]

Hi Rachel,

I just wanted to chime in on something that was said a little earlier in this thread. For the record I agree with almost every single thing Linde ever says...however I just found the very first thing I can't agree with. I think it's extremely important for any potential dates to know that you're trans right off the bat. (Sorry Linde)

There's so much violence here in the U.S., especially against trans people, and I'd hate for someone to hurt you if you didn't tell them and they found out later. I watch that show called All About Jazz, and her parents have instilled in her that she has to tell any potential dates immediately that she's trans. I think that's a good rule to live by.

From what I've read I think it's a good thing you didn't take that guy to your house to eat Chinese. You're were right to kick him to the curb. From your picture I can tell that you're a very beautiful woman, and you can stand to be choosy when you're picking out which person you want to date. Develop your red flags and stick by them.

I'll tell you something else too. 6 foot tall blondes don't seem to stay single for very long. There were two of them in my graduating class in high school and they were rarely ever single. I think every guy wanted to date them. It seems like guys really like tall blondes...so I think you're good to go.

Good luck on the dating trail,
xoxo

Lexxi

[Rachel]

@Lexxi, hi and thank you for your support. On Plenty of Fish there are a lot of guys that say they want to meet me. I need to change my profile and be explicit. I need to make sure the guys know I want to be in public and not some sexual play thing. I want to have a relationship and not be made to feel I am a secret.

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So there is a Casino near me. I had not been in a casino for 30 years. I did not see a single happy person there. The energy was definitely low and the cigarette smoke was a bit much. Like I said I did not see one happy person in the whole place. I did see a lot of people looking on aimlessly. Perhaps despair is a good word. Anyhow, I checked it out and left. So a casino is definitely not a good place for me to be with people. I may check out the horse races next.
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I am at somewhat of an impasse. I do not know what to do, where to go to find my path. Am I to be with a guy or alone? Do I go back to school? Do I do specialty training? Do I try a startup (part time)? So I transitioned and am pretty much done. I still need to resolve my voice and I could get a little more hair transplanted. I could go bigger on the breasts implants (almost 0% probability). I could do some meet ups. Or I could just go through life goin to work and just being (not the most appealing).

I guess what I really want is to be part of a family unit. I know my family was dysfunctional at times but I had a sense of belonging and purpose. Now that I am alone and am trying to fine my way. I can go through the motions but I do no have the sense of belonging or purpose.

I guess as one transition in ending another transition starts. I guess such is the life of a transsexual or at lest me. I was going to stop going to therapy but I think I still need some help sorting out a direction and what I really want.

[Linde]

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I am at somewhat of an impasse. I do not know what to do, where to go to find my path.  Do I go back to school? Do I do specialty training?

As a believer in life long learning I can only yell to you GO BACK TO SCHOOL, or do a least some training!
Linde

[Lexxi]

Rachel,

See I told you I always agree with Linde...more schooling or extra training never hurt anyone. I graduated high school in 1987 and had no interest whatsoever in going to college. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I took a full-time job, got married, divorced, then remarried again, then had my daughter. Life was okay, but I lamented not being able to make lots and lots of money because of my lack of an education.

After I got divorced I was kind of in a rut. I owned my own business, which was fairly successful at the time, but was having a hard time doing the work due to my severe degenerative disc disease. It got to the point that I could work hard one week, then have to take the next one off to recuperate. And like anyone's who's ever owned a business will tell you, that simply won't work.

So I did the logical thing and sold my business and went to college. I started in 2012 and graduated in the spring of 2017 with my Bachelor's of Science and couldn't be prouder. It will open open a lot of doors for me.

So girl you go back to school if that's what you want to do...or get that extra training if you prefer that. You'll meet that lucky guy when you're least expecting it. I like that you changed your profile to indicate that you want to meet in public. Safety first I always say.

Hang in there, 

xoxo

[Dena]

Lada Sara had an original solution to the profile problem. In her profile she asked them to repeat something contained in the profile. This way she knew if the person had read the profile or just hit on the female name hoping to get lucky. Maybe it might be best to put that at the end of the profile so you know they worked their way all the way through it.

[Linde]

Lada Sara had an original solution to the profile problem. In her profile she asked them to repeat something contained in the profile. This way she knew if the person had read the profile or just hit on the female name hoping to get lucky. Maybe it might be best to put that at the end of the profile so you know they worked their way all the way through it.

That does not work like this!  I get daily contacts from >-bleeped-<s!  And I don't even want men!  I have my info about trans at the end, they don't care, I say that I am lesbian, they don't care!

[Lexxi]

Linde it's because you're so sexy. They just can't keep from chasing you. Keep em' on their toes though. ha ha ha...

xoxo

Lexxi

[Linde]

Linde it's because you're so sexy. They just can't keep from chasing you. Keep em' on their toes though. ha ha ha...

xoxo

Lexxi

Thank you Lexxi, but in my age, the sexy stuff has disappeared long ago.  But I am glad that I still look pretty OK.  Some women in my age look pretty down, I feel really bad for them!

[Rachel]

Hu, this thread was recovered, awesome. I have another thread MTF in need of help 2 and I think 3 as well. Nice to go back in time.