Doctors Visits and Dysphoric Questions

[Dante]

So I recently took a trip to the doctor to have my back looked at. I normally put these trips off for as long as I possibly can, which of course is a bad idea, because they always ask me uncomfortable and unnecessary questions.

For example, every time I go to the doctor, they are required to ask when my last period was, if I've ever had sex, if I'm pregnant, etc. I can understand that asking about your period is a somewhat necessary question for your health, but when I tell them I have not had sex, and they don't believe me and continue to ask, I get more than a little bit angry. Now, I'm FTM and also asexual, and I'm repulsed by sex of any kind (in case anyone takes offense to this, this is a personal thing; I don't slut shame or look down on people in any way for having sex, I just personally find it gross and don't like thinking about it). Because this is the case, being asked if I've had sex or if I'm pregnant makes me feel sick in ways that I almost can't handle at all, and I end up feeling like crap the rest of the day because the dysphoria is so strong.

So my question is this; is there any way I can get on record that I do not want to be asked these questions? Is there a way to say "I have never had sex so it's impossible for me to be pregnant and it's not going to change so stop asking"? I can't handle doctor visits because of this and I don't want to end up with some major problem because of my aversion to going to see the doctor. I know I can't be the only guy with this problem, so any advice would be appreciated.

[Simon]

I go to the doctor every three months or so for random scans and I get the question a lot. I just tell them that I don't have intercourse. In my experience that is the answer they're looking for.

If it bothers you that much I suppose you could write in on the questionnaire they usually give at doctor offices. Something like "I do not engage in sexual activity. Please, do not ask due to my dysphoria".  If that doesn't work then I don't know what to tell you.

[AdamMLP]

I would say they have to ask you every time incase you had sex against your wishes.

[FTMDiaries]

In my experience doctors, by default, don't believe their patients. Particularly if you're of college-going age and you tell them you're not sexually active. They seem to presume that every college-age person must be doing it all the time. Also, they have no way of knowing whether your views might change at some point: you may not have been sexually active the last time you saw them but they have no way of knowing whether you've changed your mind since then.

Does your doctor know you're FtM? If not, I suggest telling them at your next appointment. You can then explain to them that being asked about sex triggers your dysphoria so badly that it's almost as bad as a phobia, and it discourages you from seeking medical treatment. Your doctors have a duty to care for you, and if they're making it difficult for you to seek medical attention they could be putting your health at risk. If they don't know they're causing you difficulties, they can't change their behaviour.

You could then ask that a note be added to your file to ask them not to ask you female-specific questions due to your dysphoria (you could always bring them up yourself at any time if you need to see a doctor about your privates). After all, they don't ask those questions of any cismale patients so it can't be a legal requirement to ask them of every patient.

You could also state at the beginning of the appointment (nicely!) that you're not sexually active and you have gender dysphoria so you would appreciate not being asked any questions about pregnancy and periods etc.

[Zerro]

I go to a clinic that will specifically treat trans people and still get asked those questions sometimes. Granted, the period question is kind of important if you're on T*, since it will disrupt the cycle and eventually bring it to a stop, but if you're seeing a doctor for your BACK, I think it's a bit ridiculous. Or, you know, "yes my back hurts because I'm having sex nonstop in impossible positions".

The last time I went to a doctor was to have them check for an infection in a wound I received, and thankfully, no one asked me those questions. Best thing you can do is try to get them to put a note that discourages the tech from asking you those questions if it's discouraging you from seeking treatment. That, or see if you can find a trans friendly doctor's office(which is difficult, depending on where you live/your income/etc). They're a little more likely to be sensitive to your position, though they may still ask you some of the questions.

Sorry it's rough on you to deal with this stuff.

[mangoslayer]

It wouldn't hurt to talk to them. At my doctors a window pops up whenever they open my file that states I am transsexual, so i dont have to explain every time.

[Dante]

Thanks for all the responses you guys! I have to go back there for physical therapy or some such so I guess I'll try take it up with the doctor and get her to put it on my record. I've never told my doctor I'm trans, because I've only seen her twice and it never came up, but I might consider mentioning that too.

[Zasea]

I have the same problem.  I'm also asexual and of course they look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them that.  It's none of their business what I don't do.

I avoid seeing the doctor unless I absolutely have to.

[CursedFireDean]

Since I can't go on T for at least another year, I went to an ob/gyn to see about getting some birth control pills to make my periods shorter, lighter, and more predictable. Being a teenager at such a place, NOBODY believes you've never had sex :/

I'm not really sure if you can avoid the sex question and the period one is important, but why do they even ask you if you're pregnant if it's impossible?! Certainly you could ask them to skip that question if the answer is obviously no? But I guess it's possible that if you explain you're trans, they might not ask some of them?

[FTMDiaries]

I'm not really sure if you can avoid the sex question and the period one is important, but why do they even ask you if you're pregnant if it's impossible?! Certainly you could ask them to skip that question if the answer is obviously no? But I guess it's possible that if you explain you're trans, they might not ask some of them?

[Devil's Advocate]

They have no way of knowing whether pregnancy is impossible for any patient with a female reproductive system unless they've been proven to be infertile. It's obvious to the patient but it's not obvious to the doctor.

They ask because it's important for a doctor to know whether a patient could be pregnant before they prescribe any medication, because a lot of drugs can cause birth defects or miscarriage.

The period question is there to check for possible pregnancy or hormonal problems.

[/Devil's Advocate]


Yes, I get asked these questions every time too, even though my doctor knows I'm trans. But that's because she also knows that I'm married to a cismale, have given birth to two children and am pre-op so there is a risk I could be pregnant. In my case, it's a reasonable thing to ask.

[Elspeth]

I'm not really sure if you can avoid the sex question and the period one is important, but why do they even ask you if you're pregnant if it's impossible?!

Unless you've had a hysterectomy, even if you are on T, pregnancy remains possible.

Best to just be as clear as possible with doctors. They are legally bound to respect your confidentiality and could lose their license and career for violating that trust. If you don't trust one enough to say you're trans, you probably need a different doctor. I don't know whether this is general practice, by my last therapist was very careful to direct me to doctors and other health care professionals who he felt were at the very least safe to disclose all my details to. A doc needs a complete and accurate as possible history if they are to be of any help to you, and hiding important facts can be life threatening in unexpected ways.

I do like the suggestion, though, if something is especially triggering to you, to document it in a note that you bring to every office visit, so as to give the info needed without engaging in a potentially upsetting or traumatic conversation, especially if the doctor only has a very basic knowledge of transness, and no real training or understanding of how triggering such questions can be.

[CursedFireDean]

When I say it's impossible, I simply mean if you've told them you haven't had sex, then you wouldn't be pregnant :/

[Elspeth]

When I say it's impossible, I simply mean if you've told them you haven't had sex, then you wouldn't be pregnant :/

I once had a conversation with my former therapist about what people mean when they say they've had (or not had) sex. It's not self evident to a doctor what someone would mean by that, which is part of the reason they ask redundant and sometimes stupid-seeming questions.

By some people's definitions of sex, they could say they haven't had it, and still be at risk of pregnancy.

[anibioman]

my psychiatrist asked me if i have had sex if i masturbate if i drink if i smoke if i smoke pot. two years ago i said no to all and he didnt believe me and now he asked again and i do 2 of those things frequently and have tried 4 out of the 5. so they tend to assume things change. if you always have the same doc tell him or her my doctor is really good about being respectful of my wishes and remembering what things im uncomfortable with. now as per my request she narrates what she is doing as she does it so i know whats up so i can avoid feeling panicky.

[Robert Scott]

I told my primary care physician I was trans --- before I started any hormones -- or therapy.  I was just binding at the time.  She asked to check my binder to make sure I wasn't binding too tight & was satisfied that I had an actual binder and not ace bandages.  She asked me about sex and children for the last time then -- I explained there was no way in hell I was going to get pregnant and that personally I don't and haven't allowed penetration -- after that I was never asked the question again about pregnancy - she did ask that if something happened - like I was raped or something -- that I inform her.  Now, three years later all my records say male so I am not asked that question by anyone - even when I go into a minor med place.