Sex change regrets ?

[Slow Music]

A recently came across a somewhat strange website called sex change regrets.

Personally it kinda reminds me of ex-gay websites.

what are your thoughts?

[Laura91]

Sites of this ilk are pointless and stupid.

Anyone that regrets it after going through the whole process is a fool with no one to blame but themselves.

[big kim]

I regret not doing it sooner.No one makes you change,take responsibility and blame yourselves.There are stringent conditions for gender reassignment to prevent this sort of thing happening.

[Laura91]

I regret not doing it sooner.

Same here.

The two times I backed out was because I didn't want to screw anything up with my family. This is one of only two regrets that I have about this whole thing.

The other is not completing electro when I had the cash and there were several places locally that I could have it done.

[spacial]

There will always be moaners, for many reasons. But someone can post on the net. any claim they choose.

Though I haven't, and probably won't, look at the site, i wonder how many of those may have had their change of thought at an early stage. We had this quite recently, so youngster, about 17, living as female since 14 I think. Had anti-androgens for a few months, changed their mind. Then made a big hoohaa in the tabloid press, because they were paid for the story.

The truth is, the process is remarkable successful compared to other medical procedures.

As others said, and probably will, my regret is not doing so when I had the chances. I know so much more now, but one thing I wish I had known when younger is, the longer you put it off, the harder it gets.

Need - Opportunity, Just do it.

[Zumbagirl]

Personally it kinda reminds me of ex-gay websites.

what are your thoughts?

I have a few thoughts on this. As to me personally, it cured my gender dysphoria, so I know it worked.

I have met 2 people over the years who came to regret 1 person had other issues (passing, depression, lack of a job). The other person was depressed post-op got many years and was married to man who later divorced her. In a moment of weakness she became prey for religious do gooders (life of sin, you are a deceiver, the lot). Long story short she want back to living as a man although a man with a vagina. She had FFS everything. When I finally met him now, he was the most miserable looking character I had ever laid eyes on. No smiles, extremely nervous and easy agitated. Confidentially he told me had was extremely suicidal, hated what religion had gone to him and the only choice now was death.

My conclusion do much for reparative therapy and this person was held out as someone "cured". They (narth and others like them) care if LGBT people kill themselves as long as they have a photo op out of it. It was really tragic.

[crazy at the coast]

an often recurring theme in a lot of these regrets is that they lost family, they had to deal with various forms of discrimination, etc.  So is it their actual desire to return to their assigned gender or is it because they want to regain what they lost in the process and weren't prepared to lose?  I think it is mostly outside influences causing the regret and desire to return to the before.

[Shana A]

This site and articles from it have been previously discussed in the News Forum. I don't know who runs the site, however Walt Heyer, an author prominently featured there, is hawking a book, and presumably his services as a consultant, to other ex-trans people.

Z

[SunKat]

I think regret comes from having unrealistic expectations.  Having a sex change can help with your gender dysphoria but growing up transgendered can contribute to other psychological issues.  Speaking for myself, in order to survive growing up transgendered I learned to hide my feelings, avoid close relationships and trust no one. Throughout my youth I created a false persona in order get by and stay safe.

The end result is that as an adult I have an avoidant personality disorder, PTSD and social anxiety.  Top all of that off with all lingering doubts about sin and shame that I learned at church... and that's still not the least of what's wrong with me. 

Transition can change many things, but it won't magically change everything about who I am or what I've been taught to feel and believe.  Having a sex change is just one step among many that may be required to become whole again. 

Naturally there are going to be some who are going to regret having a sex change because it did not solve all of their issues or it was not how they thought it would be.

Regrets are normal and I think I will always have regrets about my life. I'll always have regrets and a sense of despair over not being born female.  Of missing out on so much of my childhood and youth and life and experiences and friendships and so many more things that so many people take for granted.  I will always regret the depths of depression and hopelessness I've sometimes been driven to and the level of isolation that being transgendered has sometimes made me feel.

Transition won't change the lingering regrets I may still have for the past... but it may still save me from living an entire lifetime of regret.

[Anatta]

Ka Ora,

The moral of these tales of woe,  is simple "Look before you leap-for after 'take-off' there's no going/'getting' back !"

It's possible, some of those who now regret it, prior to surgery they too were in 'no doubt' that surgery was right for them...

Metta Zenda

[Henna]

Regarding regret. I'm nearly pre-everything (one laser treatment for facial hair done) and still waiting for a first appointment for a transgender research group, which should be somewhere between April to August this year. I have been looking at some of the regret documents and I cannot really feel the connection to those people or to their feeling.

However I've been questioning myself a lot in the past months. I have no doubt about myself, but I am a bit worried about the fact that I'm a very demanding personality. That goes especially for myself. I'm really worried what will happen to me, how will I react, if the hormones doesn't manage to change this body so, that I'm identified clearly as a female. Could a regret hit me then? But I'm not quite sure what to regret then? Mainly perhaps the regret would be, that I didn't try to do this when I was twenty and the hormones might have still do their magic, but now being close to forty, it's too late.

I don't know, I'm just really worried about that and what will happen in that case.

Sorry to vent like this...

[Medusa]

I personally know one who regret
But it is effeminate gay who performed as drag queen and never live full time and go trough it even when therapist not recommended it
And now live as andro-male
It is everyone choice and responsibility, no one force you to do it

[Emmanuelle]

The two times I backed out was because I didn't want to screw anything up with my family.

Dito. Not so much my family, but my second wife. She knew I was transsexual when we got married and I invested a lot of time and love assuming she would move along. Only to figure out a couple of years later that she assumed that I would "do my thing" only in the confines of our house...

That's the only real regret.

[Zumbagirl]

The end result is that as an adult I have an avoidant personality disorder, PTSD and social anxiety.  Top all of that off with all lingering doubts about sin and shame that I learned at church... and that's still not the least of what's wrong with me. 

One thing that worked for me was seeking freedom "from" religion. It's really quite a nice feeling and very liberating well for me anyways. Nothing can be a sin if I don't believe, it's just bad people doing bad things. The reward part is simply being a decent person and that doesn't require a magic book just a simple philosophy of humanity and kindness. I can still be remembered the same way and there is no difference between that and being religious except freedom.

[aleon515]

The thing about regret and detransition is that it can be part of the process of transitioning. The guy who runs our trans center is firmly convinced of this by lots of experience. And there are actually people who transition, then detransition for years and years. And then transition AGAIN.
Maybe they all started too fast etc. But then again... So he could even have cases of folks that have already transitioned back. This guy believes that in some cases this is their process and it is valid.


I'm ftm. And there are guys who stop and start T. It looks like regret. And then they go ahead and keep going. A lot of these regretters actually end up transitioning fully.

It's all a slice in time. And you have to see the whole life history to see what really happens. I m sure they don't bother with this on the website, which I don't plan to look up.

--Jay

[Laura91]

Dito. Not so much my family, but my second wife. She knew I was transsexual when we got married and I invested a lot of time and love assuming she would move along. Only to figure out a couple of years later that she assumed that I would "do my thing" only in the confines of our house...

That's the only real regret.

I've never had a spouse so I never had to deal with that issue. The first time I was 10 and could have come out to my mom because she asked me if I wanted to live my live as a girl (after getting busted crossdressing for the 100th time) but I chickened out solely because of my dad.

The second time I was 19 and I REALLY wanted to say something but she was going through the process of divorcing him and I thought it would be selfish to bring it up at that point so I just retreated back to music, drugs and alcohol so I could keep from losing my mind.

[Rita]

Some people do have serious regrets even if they are the gender they changed their bodies to.  Everyone deals with loss differently, and some people who were ok with loosing everything before might have regret for loosing it later.

But usually those sites concentrate on the reason they want to push forward rather than the reality of the situation.

End of the day Transition is not for everyone but I would'nt call someone stupid if they regret  the sacrifices.

[Laura91]

End of the day Transition is not for everyone but I would'nt call someone stupid if they regret  the sacrifices.

What about people who regret it and then use that as a basis for going on and on about how it should be banned just because they didn't think things through and don't have the guts to admit it?

[big kim]

Like Charles (formerly Samantha) Kane

[Laura91]

Like Charles (formerly Samantha) Kane

Bingo!!