MTF in need of advice

[TChrissy90]

Hi everyone, My proffered name is Chrissy and I am from the UK

This is my first time on here but I am eager to seek the advice of other people who have been through or are going through what I am right now.

I am 23 years old and am a woman trapped in a man's body. I have never looked for help and never talked to anyone about it. I am a corked up bottle of frustration, confusion and confliction just waiting to explode and I don't feel like I can deal with it any more or wait any longer.

I have known I was different since I was about 6, I remember distinctly the shame I was made to feel at wearing women's clothes as a child and how wrong I was made to feel for being more girly than laddish while growing up. And I am the kind of personality which feels the need to please others and lives in fear of not meeting expectations as an only son in a small family with pretty demanding parents.

Now don't get me wrong my parents are great, and I feel lucky to have them, but they are the kind of parents that where always pushing me as a child and kind of moulded me into the overly manly young man I am today and they hold to pretty old fashioned values and as a result I hold to pretty old fashioned values too, but that doesn't change how I feel about myself.

I want kids and to have a family, to be happy in my work and private life and I want to get married and be part of what is basically a stereotypical family group. The problem is I fit in as the wrong member of that group and I cannot just click my fingers and fix that and I fear that if I transition that this future will go out of my reach.

Transitioning right now just seems like an insurmountable task and I am terrified of the consequences. I am ultimately pretty happy with my life and don't want to mess that up, but given one wish I would become a woman in a heart beat. My biggest regret is that I didn't pursue this when I was much younger but I just didn't feel like I could and the older I get the harder it seems to be.

I have a good job and worry this would effect my position there. I am also worried about the financial implication. Transitioning isn't cheap and if I came out I am terrified I would be cut off from my parents and left struggling making transitioning a financial difficulty.

I am not worried about my Friends judging me negatively, If they do then they aren't that good a group of Friends and I can get new ones, but my family is a different matter.

I don't want to turn to my friends because I just don't want it to get out yet, and honestly I can't think of a single friend that won't be totally blown away by this and confused as hell that they didn't see it sooner. Most of my friends are girls and I have always been that one guy who the girls like having around even at things usually reserved only for their own gender. I have a couple of friends who are gay who I think would understand more and who have been accepted in our group with open arms but they haven't changed themselves at all and I am worried they will see what I want as more of a choice than being gay where I don't. I was born in the wrong body and anything I do to change that I would consider corrective not elective.

Another issue is that Ultimately I want to be a woman, and realistically that isn't going to ever happen, but being a Trans Woman is something that can be done but will my voice ever pass as female? what would I look like as a woman?

And then there is my Girlfriend of 2 years who doesn't have a clue and I don't think would understand at all! I love her very much and wouldn't want to loose her but am pretty sure I would if I came out with this. But on top of that most of my Friends are telling me I shouldn't be with her anyway and that I deserve better. I found out she cheated on me and because she is going through a hard time right now I can't even be mad about it! I feel like the relationship is just self destructive and that as nice as I am I don't see her taking advantage and dragging me down with her in the same way others do.

I feel totally lost right now and I keep telling myself that things will change with time but time keeps marching on and I find myself no better off. I need to start living for myself and not for others, the stress is unbelievable and really I know what needs to be done but it just seems so impossible, what do I do and who do I turn too? 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for the huge number of I's in there lol

Chrissy

[suzifrommd]

Any advice would be appreciated.

Welcome to Susan's Chrissy.

So many of us have been where you are.

Three pieces of advice from me:

1. Find a therapist who specializes in gender therapy. Be ready to tell her everything you said here. A good therapist will be able to help you clarify what is important to you.

2. Contact local LGBT organizations and try to find a support group for Transgender people. My support group really helped me a lot.

3. Keep posting on Susan's. There is an unbelievable amount of wisdom here.

Hope this helps.

[Seras]

Being from the UK you got private or NHS.

If you wanna go NHS then you go to your GP, they will refer you to local psychologists who make sure your not crazy, then if you get the green flag you get referred to your local gender clinic.
If you wanna go private then you find out where your nearest private clinic is for this kinda thing.
I started with NHS and have another appointment soon but if they do not give me what I want I have enough saved up now to go private. Which should be easier.

--

I am from the UK and am now 24, though I came out to my mum aged 22. NHS is slow. Took a year just to get to the gender clinic.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Chrissy,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Lots of "stuff' isn't there? Don't worry, you're in the right place. Maybe just a few things to alter your perspective to where it is easier to understand. You're not really a  woman locked in a mans body. You are a woman with some correctable aberrations to compliment your feminine persona.

I want kids and to have a family, to be happy in my work and private life and I want to get married and be part of what is basically a stereotypical family group. The problem is I fit in as the wrong member of that group and I cannot just click my fingers and fix that and I fear that if I transition that this future will go out of my reach.

Not quite true. You can do ALL those things as a woman, after transitioning. Yes. You can even have a family. How many do you want?? From memory,both Drs. Bowers and McGinn, TG surgeons have families themselves. Even adoption or surrogacy are very viable alternatives. So in fact, if you did click your fingers, that reality you spoke of would become your reality. That is an absolute fact.

Transitioning right now just seems like an insurmountable task and I am terrified of the consequences. I am ultimately pretty happy with my life and don't want to mess that up, but given one wish I would become a woman in a heart beat. My biggest regret is that I didn't pursue this when I was much younger but I just didn't feel like I could and the older I get the harder it seems to be.

Transition IS the most profounding impact on anyones individual life. Everything; bar none is on the table open for re negotiation. Even the way you brush your teeth     Baby steps in the beginning is the obvious solution. Many here have done and are doing, transition. It IS very doable.

You just need to be aware; ALL  things will change. No baggage is permitted to be brought with you. You will be a new creation.

You need to finally remember; this is all about; YOU. No one else.

Another issue is that Ultimately I want to be a woman, and realistically that isn't going to ever happen, but being a Trans Woman is something that can be done but will my voice ever pass as female? what would I look like as a woman?

Reality check. You ARE a woman, and it WILL happen, if you want it and let it. Start working on your voice now, and half the work is done. What would you look like? I don't know. Looks start on the inside and work their way out. It's ALL to do with attitude. Your attitude determines your altitude.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[SunKat]

Hi Chrissy,

I imagine all of this is pretty confusing and scary for you.  You'll be taking an enormous risk with your life if you decide to transition.  You can't know how people will react or what paths in life may suddenly be closed to your forever... I can't even begin to tell you what you should do or what would be best.

What I can tell you though, is that there are any number of us who wish we had hadn't put his off and had had the courage to do this when we were younger.  At 23 you still have the best years of your life ahead of you.  You probably already feel like you've missed out on the sort of childhood that you wish you could have had.  I think being a young woman in her 20's is a life changing experience that you shouldn't miss.

As far as how well you might look or how your voice will sound... check out "MTF Transition" and "Transgender Voice" on youtube.  It takes a lot of work and dedication but some of the time lapse transformations are amazing.

[spacial]

Hi Chrissy.

Also from UK.

So pleased you found us. The questions you ask are all answerable.