should i find another gender therapist?

[Angélique LaCava]

ok wells my gender therapist is  holding the hormone letter from me because i dont do chores around the house. i mean my parents do all the stuff that has to be done around the house like  washing dishes, washing cloths, cleaning house, and other things. I mean wen i was a child my parents never made me do chores so why should i do them now, but back to my point. Is it legal that my gender therapist is holding the hormone letter from me because i dont do chores?

[Tejas]

I would love to know why s/he finds that relevant?! Because I effing don't.

[Elspeth]

Some (dinosaur) therapists will use anything they see as resistance to adopting the gender roles of the gender you are identifying as, as a sign that you are not presenting fully or are somehow resisting your expressed gender role. This one sounds like a dinosaur, though he (I'm guessing the therapist is male?) could also believe that he's being cautious and alert to signs of resistance or ambivalance, given that at least some hormone changes are hard to reverse without surgery or other major efforts.

I'm forgetting which country you are in, Angélique? I'm guessing this kind of chauvinism is still a lot more prevalent in some places than it is in my neighborhood?

You have to ask yourself, practically speaking, whether this is a sign that he has no real intent of signing the letter, or whether you can get past this by submitting, if just for a little bit, to his manipulativeness. In practical terms, if you ditch him for someone new, chances are the new therapist is going to also need more time to get to a point where they feel they've acted responsibly. If doing some chores is the only thing standing between you and the letter, it might be simpler just to take on some chores and "act like a good girl" for awhile, even though it might not be something you want anyone to get used to expecting from you.

There was a time when some therapists would refuse to write letters if a transgirl wore a feminine pantsuit instead of a skirt and ultrafeminine blouse, or if she showed up at a session without lipstick. I heard accounts like these even in the 90s, though they were much more common in the 70s and 80s.

[crazy at the coast]

I think she is likely wanting to see enough maturity on your part, hence the anger issue stuff along with this. And I assume your parents are footing the bill, so... 

[Angélique LaCava]

Some (dinosaur) therapists will use anything they see as resistance to adopting the gender roles of the gender you are identifying as, as a sign that you are not presenting fully or are somehow resisting your expressed gender role. This one sounds like a dinosaur, though he (I'm guessing the therapist is male?) could also believe that he's being cautious and alert to signs of resistance or ambivalance, given that at least some hormone changes are hard to reverse without surgery or other major efforts.

I'm forgetting which country you are in, Angélique? I'm guessing this kind of chauvinism is still a lot more prevalent in some places than it is in my neighborhood?

You have to ask yourself, practically speaking, whether this is a sign that he has no real intent of signing the letter, or whether you can get past this by submitting, if just for a little bit, to his manipulativeness. In practical terms, if you ditch him for someone new, chances are the new therapist is going to also need more time to get to a point where they feel they've acted responsibly. If doing some chores is the only thing standing between you and the letter, it might be simpler just to take on some chores and "act like a good girl" for awhile, even though it might not be something you want anyone to get used to expecting from you.

There was a time when some therapists would refuse to write letters if a transgirl wore a feminine pantsuit instead of a skirt and ultrafeminine blouse, or if she showed up at a session without lipstick. I heard accounts like these even in the 90s, though they were much more common in the 70s and 80s.

shes a woman, and I'm as femine as they come. She says I act like a diva, and she said that I dress like a slut. If I had to guess she's in her 50s. She already said that she feels I'm transgender. I just don't like her trieing to change me n turn me into wat she thinks a woman is. She's wanting me to act  like the woman in the 1950s n i dont want to be like those woman. So Idk wat to do cause she's trieing to change who I am completely

[Angélique LaCava]

I think she is likely wanting to see enough maturity on your part, hence the anger issue stuff along with this. And I assume your parents are footing the bill, so...

by bill do u mean the appointment bill? If so then I'm paying out my own money to see my gender therapist

[Tejas]

I think she is likely wanting to see enough maturity on your part, hence the anger issue stuff along with this. And I assume your parents are footing the bill, so...

Just skimmed through your other posts. While I don't find the objection relevant, I get the Dinosaur analogy presented by Elspeth and could totally see what Jaime is saying.

[crazy at the coast]

by bill do u mean the appointment bill? If so then I'm paying out my own money to see my gender therapist

I'm talking about overall support, place to live, food, etc. 

[Angélique LaCava]

I'm talking about overall support, place to live, food, etc.

oh well I buy my own food wit my own money, but my parents do pay the house bills

[crazy at the coast]

oh well I buy my own food wit my own money, but my parents do pay the house bills

Do you have a job then? 

Just curious.

And keep in mind that I am in no way supporting what your therapist is doing, but that its just my best guess as to what her intentions are with you. She may be hesitant about allowing someone she feels might not be mature enough to deal with the outcome or to make such a decision.

[AlexD]

She says I act like a diva, and she said that I dress like a slut.

Were those her actual words? Slut-shaming is seriously unprofessional behaviour from any therapist, let alone a gender specialist.

[Angélique LaCava]

Do you have a job then? 

Just curious.

And keep in mind that I am in no way supporting what your therapist is doing, but that its just my best guess as to what her intentions are with you. She may be hesitant about allowing someone she feels might not be mature enough to deal with the outcome or to make such a decision.

no not yet, and she said that shes afraid that im not ready to be able to handle the mental changes that will come after hormones.

[Angélique LaCava]

Were those her actual words? Slut-shaming is seriously unprofessional behaviour from any therapist, let alone a gender specialist.

yep. She said my cloths make me look like a slut.

[Elspeth]

Guessing about motives and prejudices is something I try not to do, But as long as we have been doing this a bit, given your estimate of her age, she could be suggesting that in some ways you're presenting more as a drag queen than her notion of a mature-for-her-age teen or twentysomething. 

But honestly, at this distance and with selective info, she could be saying almost anything.

She may have some quite valid concerns about the impact of hormones emotionally, and in terms of her concerns that you might be impulsive, or expose yourself to harm and potential violence? That's the generous interpretation, but in fact, we're all responding to what is at best a second-hand version of what is going on and what she is saying. I'm missing all the non-verbal cues by having only words and how they were interpreted by you... not a good basis for assessing what she is really trying to say, or whether she is acting out of realistic concern, or simply being manipulative?

If the conflict between you makes it too hard to hear what she is trying to say to you, then the match may just be one that is not in your best interest, assuming you can find an alternate therapist who you can communicate with more clearly, with less noise getting into the mix.

[Angélique LaCava]

Guessing about motives and prejudices is something I try not to do, But as long as we have been doing this a bit, given your estimate of her age, she could be suggesting that in some ways you're presenting more as a drag queen than her notion of a mature-for-her-age teen or twentysomething. 

But honestly, at this distance and with selective info, she could be saying almost anything.

She may have some quite valid concerns about the impact of hormones emotionally, and in terms of her concerns that you might be impulsive, or expose yourself to harm and potential violence? That's the generous interpretation, but in fact, we're all responding to what is at best a second-hand version of what is going on and what she is saying. I'm missing all the non-verbal cues by having only words and how they were interpreted by you... not a good basis for assessing what she is really trying to say, or whether she is acting out of realistic concern, or simply being manipulative?

If the conflict between you makes it too hard to hear what she is trying to say to you, then the match may just be one that is not in your best interest, assuming you can find an alternate therapist who you can communicate with more clearly, with less noise getting into the mix.

she never said i present  like a drag queen she just said i dont dress like a mature woman. i dont want to dress like a mature woman. What i dont like is that she tells me to stop dressing the way i do, but  girls that are my age dress way worse than me and they show more skin than i do and im not gonna change my style if other girls are wearing basically the same things as me

[Aleah]

I'd say if your that close, just jump through the hoop and get your letter and never see her again. Whats a few weeks of chores after all in the grand scheme of things?

You'll still be you at the end of the day, regardless what she thinks.

But if your parents want you to help out, that's different.

[Angélique LaCava]

I'd say if your that close, just jump through the hoop and get your letter and never see her again. Whats a few weeks of chores after all in the grand scheme of things?

You'll still be you at the end of the day, regardless what she thinks.

But if your parents want you to help out, that's different.

ik but their isnt that many 2 do since my mom always prefers herself to do them n not anyone else. It's mainly my dad n therapist wanting me to do chores

[Jayr]

ok wells my gender therapist is  holding the hormone letter from me because i dont do chores around the house. i mean my parents do all the stuff that has to be done around the house like  washing dishes, washing cloths, cleaning house, and other things. I mean wen i was a child my parents never made me do chores so why should i do them now, but back to my point. Is it legal that my gender therapist is holding the hormone letter from me because i dont do chores?

she never said i present  like a drag queen she just said i dont dress like a mature woman. i dont want to dress like a mature woman. What i dont like is that she tells me to stop dressing the way i do, but  girls that are my age dress way worse than me and they show more skin than i do and im not gonna change my style if other girls are wearing basically the same things as me

no not yet, and she said that shes afraid that im not ready to be able to handle the mental changes that will come after hormones.

She's not holding the letter from you because you don't do chores..

She's holding the letter from you because she came to the conclusion you're too irresponsible and immature to handle transition.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Perhaps you can find a part time Job or Volunteer at some place where you can show your family and the therapist you are responsible. Why not go to a lgbt youth center or a homeless shelter or something like that. Put in some time, make people feel good and yourself feel good.

[MaidofOrleans]

My therapist made me get my life together before I got the ok for hormones. I was 24 living at home. She wanted me to show I could be self sufficient and make it on my own. Also my parents didn't want to watch me transition. Your therapist seems to be trying to get you to a place where you are mature and responsible.