Detransitioning...Have you ever thought about it ?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

To be or not to be.....

I've been reading some threads where some are seriously thinking about 'detransitioning'...So I thought well why not bring it to the fore...

There are one hundred and one reasons why someone would have doubts...For example family pressure, religious pressures, fear of becoming a social outcast, fears of the unknown etc, etc the list goes on and on...We all no doubt had/have some of these fears...

It took me a long time to fully come to terms with my condition-I came close in my early twenties, but fear of the 'unknown' and prescription tranquillisers [Valium] kept the genie in the bottle...Twenty years later [after two suicide attempts, hospitalisation + visits to the psyche ward] I finally bit the bullet, I really had 'no' choice...

However once I got started with HRT there was no going back...I fully transitioned in 2000/1 that is I started to live full-time [I had 'bonus' surgery later in 2005]...Not once have I thought about detranstioning...I'm under no pressure real [or imaginary] to detransition...No depression[prior to transition I did suffered from it], no anxieties, no problems with family, no religious issues, and no societal issues...There is nothing happening in my world that would lead me to contemplate such a thing...

So, for the post ops  pre/non ops[already on HRT] have you thought about it ? Are/have you given it some serious thought?

And those of you who are just starting out, what about you ? Is the apple of the 'unknown' awaiting/tempting you ?

Don't be shy now, just be honest...

Metta Zenda

[Nicole]

has never crossed my mind.

That said I would make 1 ugly guy

[Alainaluvsu]

I functioned worse as a guy... so no, never.

[Joelene9]

  At times pre and now.  Pre, those were in the in between times on the mood swings.  During and now I do think of it, but I would think about the condition I was in plus there is not much difference at my age anyway. 

  Joelene

[Albina]

Never thought about it.
Now, after 1 year of my T, the full passability is reached (what a dream it was!); and currently living on a FT I have finally gained the inner peace, comfort, even love to myself. ..And I am not sad anymore!

[kelly_aus]

I've thought about it, but never get much further than the initial idea and the following comment to myself: 'Not going to happen..'

[Cindy]

It joins the list of things:

Do not have fingernails torn out with pincers.
Do not be Knee capped by the IRA
Do not cover self in boiling oil
Do not listen to One Direction

[eli77]

There was never anywhere back to go for me. Transition was my last ditch don't-kill-yourself effort. Worked out pretty well.

[Nero]

No. Not seriously. And yet when you love someone who knew you pre-transition... Yes, I've wondered what I have done to myself. I've effectively cut out my own heart with my transition. Yeah, I'm myself now and no longer dysphoric blah blah blah. I've destroyed my one chance for happiness. My thoughts continue to drive me to a dark place from which there is no return. Sorry, self-love is awesome and all but no substitute for the only thing you've wanted since you were 16.

So here I am on a cold Sunday by the fire trying to warm myself with the cold comfort of self-love and acceptance.

[Emmanuelle]

The bare thought of becoming a female cross-dresser as a prelude to detransitioning freaks me out already. Transitioning was absolutely the last option I had left not to close the book of life on myself. I tried everything to be "normal" and fit in, it just didn't work anymore for me. Going back is a non-option. I'd rather close that book of life.

[Tristan]

i have thought about it before and everytime i tried it. i ended up in a bad situation. a month after my srs i tried to detransition but it only lasted a few days as i kept getting upset people kept calling me ms.

[Zarathoustra]

I'm french so I am not sûre I have very nice understand your question but I have detransitioning after 10 months of Testostérone  and mastectomy and live in girl because I was terrified at the idea to take a treatment in my whole life and make genital surgery (hysterectomy and phalloplasty) I was desperate. But two years later I have start at new my transition, I becam more courageous and determined (I was totally girl withouth breast but very girly). Today, I am on testosterone since July 2011 and I have finished my transition (expect the penis).


(I am sorry, it's difficult to explain my story in details because I'm bad in english)

[Miharu Barbie]

I can honestly say without the least shred of ambivalence or pause-for-thought, in the 14 plus years since my transition, I have never once considered  looking (let alone going) back.  For all that I lost in my transition (mainly the love of a woman that I never wanted to be apart from), I have gained so much more than I ever dreamed possible.

In short, I would rather stick needles in my eyes and nap on a bed of hot coals than ever consider putting on that false male identity that I hid behind for the first 30 years of my life.  Not for anyone, not for anything, not for love or money would I, could I ever do that to myself again!

(I just can't state my feelings strongly enough!)

Hugs,
Miharu

[JessicaH]

I'm french so I am not sûre I have very nice understand your question but I have detransitioning after 10 months of Testostérone  and mastectomy and live in girl because I was terrified at the idea to take a treatment in my whole life and make genital surgery (hysterectomy and phalloplasty) I was desperate. But two years later I have start at new my transition, I becam more courageous and determined (I was totally girl withouth breast but very girly). Today, I am on testosterone since July 2011 and I have finished my transition (expect the penis).


(I am sorry, it's difficult to explain my story in details because I'm bad in english)

I believe you understand correctly. Your English is not perfect but it is easy enough to understand. Your English is so much better than my French! :-)

Je crois que vous comprenez correctement. Votre anglais n'est pas parfait, mais il est assez facile à comprendre. Votre anglais est bien meilleur que mon français. Je ne pouvais écrire ce en utilisant "Google Translate"

[eli77]

I've destroyed my one chance for happiness.

Two things. People can fall in love more than once in their lifetime. This is a thing I have to believe. May not feel quite the same, but that doesn't make it not real.

Second. Are you sure that chance ever really existed? Would you really have been perfectly happy for ever and ever? I tried. For two years I tried. It worked, for a while. But loving someone and being happy with them... Not always compatible.

This is a world of greys and compromises. Fairytales are pretty, but they don't happen here. They just become a way to drive yourself crazy for things not being perfect. Scavenge your happiness where you can.

I haven't managed to get myself to eat today yet and it's nearly noon, my back & neck are having a bad day, I can feel a migraine flickering at the edge of my brain that will arrive tonight, I miss my SO like wow at the moment and have no idea how this long distance thing is really going to work, and my internship ends in a couple months and I'm terrified of not finding a job in this vile economy. But I'm breathing, I'm warm, I have an internship to go to tomorrow that makes me feel useful, I'm reading a very strange manuscript that I want to recommend for publication, I'm looking forward to March when I get to visit my girlfriend, and I'm about to go eat a croissant. These things make me okay with how things are.

There is no state of "happiness" to move to. Just the day to day and the moments that make it worthwhile. So you know, feel ->-bleeped-<- when you need to. Fair enough. Just try not to... torture yourself like that.

[Henna]

I'm somewhere in between. I am moving towards transitioning quite quickly, but at the same time part of me is yelling, that you are too late, too old, you will never pass, you will never see the woman in the mirror, nobody else at least wont see you. The only thing that you are doing to yourself is throwing yourself as an social outcast.

At the same time, part of me is yelling, that so what. Want to try to live like this?

I don't know...I do feel much better now that I'm finally being able to admit to myself who I am. However it just doesn't make it any easier.

[Rita]

I functioned worse as a guy... so no, never.

This 

[Shantel]

No. Not seriously. And yet when you love someone who knew you pre-transition... Yes, I've wondered what I have done to myself. I've effectively cut out my own heart with my transition. Yeah, I'm myself now and no longer dysphoric blah blah blah. I've destroyed my one chance for happiness. My thoughts continue to drive me to a dark place from which there is no return. Sorry, self-love is awesome and all but no substitute for the only thing you've wanted since you were 16.

So here I am on a cold Sunday by the fire trying to warm myself with the cold comfort of self-love and acceptance.

Yup, tried it for the same reasons for two years after being on female HRT for fourteen years, had a mental meltdown because I was miserable, been back for close to two years now, never again, no not ever!

[BunnyBee]

Never ever ever.  I do wonder sometimes if I had started transition earlier, before I reached the point of not being able to stand existing anymore, if I might have doubts.   But I didn't, and I know I'm never going back to that dark place I clawed myself out of.

[Dahlia]

. a month after my srs i tried to detransition but it only lasted a few days as i kept getting upset people kept calling me ms.