When to sack your therapist?

[boinamedsue]

Hi Folks!

~~*Warning: potentially triggering material*~~

I recently felt the need to stop working with my therapist. Not because I felt I didn't need or want a therapist but that I didn't like my therapist. I'd been seeing them for over four months on a weekly basis and I just couldn't stand going to my sessions. I often felt like an object of study ("Youre just so interesting! You really challenge me!") or I felt like I was doing a lot of educating/teaching about the queer and trans* communities. She would expect me to complete little homework assignments but when given resources to learn more about my communities, she would never read them. She generally had unhelpful things to say about my dysphoria. "You are not your breasts" was one of her favorite mantras. Duh no crap. They're not supposed to be there! I know they're not *me.*
I generally felt unsafe in our relationship but it took me so long to figure that out.
When should a person fire their therapist? What should a person do when their therapist is not knowledgeable about trans* communities?

I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts!

Best,
Sam

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

You should sack your therapist when they no longer are helping you.  You do not need a reason.

[SonadoraXVX]

When you are feeling disrespected and when your educating them. One knows pretty much knows when one is being disrespected sooner or later, and if it truly bothers you, just cancel your appointments and say "the therapist relationship is not working anymore" and leave it at that. I feel no need to explain myself to people who are disrespectful and then on top of it, educate them?, Nope(ie. worse when you give them material and they don't read it, nope). Its like being insulted and then you educate them, only to be insulted again, repeatedly? nope.  I'm sorry for being harsh, but there is no excuse to not be experienced in transgender issues nowadays, especially with the advent of the sites like this one.

If their not educated on transgender issues to start with, then they have no business treating tg people to begin with, my honest opinion. Most gender therapists have some sort of internship with a experienced therapist or maybe are transgender themselves, which is the best. I'm pretty harsh when it comes to gender therapists, since transgender issues are known, especially in big cities, which then the information will filter to smaller cities and towns.

Lucia, 
My 2 cents. 

[Charlequin]

I've been through many, many therapists over the years, especially in my childhood. Basically what Ms. OBrien and Sonadora said. Just cancel your appointment(s), start looking for a new therapist and don't go back. I've stopped seeing many therapists on the basis that I just did not like the way they went about the therapy. They were perfectly nice people, I just didn't see eye to eye with their methods.

And my own two cents on the "you are not your breasts" thing, my therapist and I got into my body issues. As a beginning MtF, I have no hips. It's something that I've recognized for a long time, even when I was suppressing my gender dysphoria, and it was a major driving factor in my anorexia issues. We spent most of an appointment working on how I react when I see that "flaw" in the mirror, and ended up on probably the most helpful thing any therapist has gotten me to say.
"My body is not my happiness."

Of course we'll be more comfortable in the bodies we should have been given, but we shouldn't have to torture ourselves any more by breaking ourselves down when we walk by a mirror.

Keep your head up!

[JoanneB]

I think the big question begging to be asked is how far out in the boonies are you? Outside of a major metropolitan area, finding a therapist who even knows what a TG is is difficult. One that actually is knowledgeable of some things TG even rarer. A gender specialist, forget about it.

I moved from just outside NYC to hillbilly central. The nearest TG group to me is 90 miles away. Even in that city which is perhaps 90 miles from Washington DC, the other group members lament how they all had to do a lot of "Teaching" to their therapist. Even for me, seeing one who was recommended and has or had several other group members as clients I used to be surprised at his lack of knowledge of some of the nuts and bolts things a TG knows.

Fortunately(?) for me, what drove me to see him had about everything to do with life in general and hardly anything TG related. I needed someone who was a friendly and had some idea what we go through and how all the baggage kills us. Transitioning was not my goal. In many ways just the opposite was my goal.

So.... My point is if you are in a similar predicament, odds are pretty good that you are one, if not the only, TG client he has had. Odds are good, without a recommendation from other TGs in the area, about all therapist will need to be taught.

If you aren't sure over what direction to go or need more answers to questions you haven't learned to ask, then you'd best find a very big city nearby with a well established TG clinic for a gender therapist.

[Joelene9]

  Sacking your threapist?  My first one in 1977 didn't have a chance after about 9 months, he left town!  A lot of us went to a few therapists before finding one that clicked. 

  Joelene

[Jamie D]

My first "real" therapist was not well-versed is transgender issues, and was absolutely clueless about non-binary issues.  I felt in the three months I saw her, I was teaching her about being androgynous.  She was, however, experience with gay and lesbian issues, and was able to put me in touch with a local GLBT-friendly general practitioner who prescribed my HRT meds and helped plan an HRT program.

My second therapist, was much more knowledgeable, and pushed me more to delve into myself and ask myself tough questions.  Unfortunately, the practice she was with went out of business!

[Michelle S.]

I was seeing a therapist just like this... Her website clearly stated she had experience with all TG and LGBT issues. Long story short, she knew NOTHING! I had to teach her about everything. Being naive, I stuck it out for wasted an entire year. Almost gave up, I was so confused how someone could advertise as an expert in something they've never heard of! But, after briefly searching susans, I found an awesome therapist in my area and a year later, I'm 5 months in on my HRT

Do you what feels right to you. All I know though is it sounds like you have another Carol Hull the inexperienced psychotherapist on your hands :/