The politics of 'passing'

[LostInTime]

Southern Voice
By RYAN LEE
MAY. 18, 2007

The ability to pass is often "the ultimate goal" for transgender individuals hoping to avoid social and economic hardships, said Tracee McDaniel, executive director of the Juxtaposed Center for Transformation, a transgender advocacy group in Atlanta.

"To me, passing is sort of like a means to survival — sometimes it's just easier to blend in than expressing who you truly are," said McDaniel, who lived for decades passing as a woman before coming out as transgender a few years ago.

"In a lot of cases, it may be detrimental to our physical well being if we're openly expressing who we are because everyone is not accepting," McDaniel said.

[Rachael]

so passing here, refers to before one transitioned?
hang on?

[Hazumu]

so passing here, refers to before one transitioned?

I don't think so...

The way I read the article, whether you're pre-, intra- or post-transition, the issue is whether you're clocked...

Sparks agreed that comments about his appearance are sometimes both irritating and intimidating.

"You want to be who you really are, but you don't want to get beat up for that," Sparks said.

N.B., the above pertains to a gay male who prefers to present a 'gay' appearance.

Some of us have various things that 'stick out'  Mine is still voice, especially on the phone.  For those who are more discriminating as to whether a voice is definitely male or definitely female, I watch as their acceptance of me as female quite literally crumbles -- the voice acts as a catalyst for their noticing a very slight brow bossing (which my gg sister also has, btw,) then the jaw's just a little large for a girl, and then... a cascade of recognitions.  Still I stand there and look back at them with a steady gaze and repeat my question, "How may I help you?"

Some percentage of people have a moral/spiritual 'gag reflex' (for want of a better term.)  The gag reflex is automatic (like when I am forced to eat creamed yellow squash ), but is later 'rationalized', the rationalization used to justify why we 'deserved' the reactive behaviour.

Those who pass well don't have to put up with the reactive behaviour as often as those who don't pass, and are able to lead much more normal-seeming lives.  (...duh!...)

To me, the 'politics' comes from the idea that if the average Joe & Betty Sixpack knew how many MtFs there really are, they might not react as badly, and from the idea that even those who do not pass well should have the same rights as anybody else enjoys, and that the cornerstone in fully sharing those rights is freedom from harassment for simply being who you are.

This thread ignited passioned debate on the topic.  Can I say that basically those who functionally passed well argued that they should not out themselves or be outed, while those who were not functionally passable argued that if more of those who were functionally passable (and good looking, to boot,) were out, basic respect towards ALL transsexuals in society may be raised, and society's punishing the unpassable merely for being unpassable may be lessened?

I wish that for society, passing were not an issue...

Karen

[Keira]

The definition of passing in this article is so very strange.

And the heterosexual privilege diatribe I can't put my head around.

As for people being more accepting of unpassable mtf if more mtf in general were out, I don't think so. People have a positive reaction to "pretty" people and an "ugly" GG already feels the weight of discrimation. Its a subsconscious thing, the brain automatically assign good qualities to good looking people, then deem them charismatic if they know how to exploit this bias to their advantage.

Those that look less arab, less black, less latino, are seen to have an advantage over their compatriot in their own group because they can "pass" as white or are seen as having a desireable trait by the society at large (suntaned vs black).

The "passing" advantage of the stealth mtf goes beyond allowing them to be seen as women at all time.

From my conversations with several and my own experience, I feel that if you are attractive which is often accompanied by better self-esteem and you tell someone, it will be a non event to all but the most bigoted (religious objections generally) and people will soon forget your a mtf and just treat you like a women.

But if you are unpassable, every times someone sees you, it wakes up some unconscious reaction that many have towards those that don't fall within society norms and unless they know you on a personal level which can break down these stereotypes, that mtf will suffer from this bias. Its not surprising that would effect self-esteem, just like it would for a fat GG for example.

[Rachael]

I think Kieras hit the nail on the head there...
its not going to change much, an unpassable m2f or f2m will get subconsiously formed in the other persons head, as thier birth gender. As Freud said, when we meet someone, thier gender is the first thing we see, now finding out a passable m2f was born male, and seeing an unpassable m2f are two different things, in the first, its a past, it isnt associable, as the person there is female, whereas the uppassable person looks like thier old self in some way. this isnt going to change with more people being out. It will make things easier, and more acceptance for transitioning to a stage where one can pas, but it wont make people suddenly accept that a 500lbs m2f, with a full beard, in a miniskirt and heals is a woman...
lets not get delusioned...
the gay  'acceptance', and ts are two different things entirely...

[Suzy]

"To me, passing is sort of like a means to survival — sometimes it's just easier to blend in than expressing who you truly are,"

I guess I still don't understand this.  Blending in is all I have ever wanted, to be accepted as a female by females.  Deep inside I feel that's who I truly am.  I have no desire whatsoever to fly a T flag over my head.  Just today I had a woman invite me to sit down and share a banch with her.  And then she invited another young woman to sit between us.  We carried on a long conversation and I thoroughtly enjoyed myself.  I felt I was recognized for who I truly was.  It wasn't just survival.  It was what I was working towards.

Kristi

[Shana A]

That was an interesting article. I've thought quite a bit about passing during the past few years, and am probably in the minority here. I don't wish to pass as either male or female, I simply wish the ability to live safely, expressing my gender as wherever on the continuum it happens to be that day. Unfortunately, the world is far from ready for this.

I am Jewish, but often pass as "white", I am transgendered but often pass as "male", in these cases who I truly am is invisible, and I find that to be a very stressful way to live. I respect anyone's choices to pass and blend in, frankly, my life would be much easier if I could do that also, but it just doesn't work for me.

zythyra

[LostInTime]

I want to pass as female but I do not want to trade one box for another. I wish to live life my way and no other so that when I finally crater for the last time, I have no regrets or as few as possible.

[Lisbeth]

The definition of passing in this article is so very strange.

I may seem strange to you, but it is the original meaning before the trans community adopted it.

[Kate]

I want to pass as female but I do not want to trade one box for another. I wish to live life my way and no other so that when I finally crater for the last time, I have no regrets or as few as possible.

Exactly. I mean OK, given a choice, I'd love to be GG. I don't aspire to be a TS, I aspire to be a an ordinary woman.

But sadly, that's never going to happen. I was born male, and I can never escape that legacy completely. And I fear that if I simply try to *deny* it, by focusing exclusively on passing as a goal, I'll forever be haunted by that ghost. Even if I DO end up passing, I'll always be looking over my shoulder in fear someone will discover my past somehow.

I mean geez, I spent 42 years terrified that someone would figure out I was really a girl. How ironic if I'd have to spend the next four decades in fear someone would discover I was born a man, ya know?

AND, I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I may never pass. It just may never happen. THEN what?

I'm not planning on "flying a T flag over my head" either, but I sometimes think an obsessive focus on passing is kinda missing the point. Given a choice, I think I'd rather NOT pass 100%, yet fully accept who I am... versus pass 100% but live in perpetual fear and insecurity at being discovered because I'm ashamed of who I am/was.

~Kate~

[cindianna_jones]

This too is all I have ever wanted... to live a normal life as a woman.  I know that is not entirely possible.  I'm pretty much out in the public eye now for various reasons.

I completely understand the last statement in the article:

"If you want heterosexual privilege, you should be heterosexual," she said.

Indeed, there is a bit of misunderstanding from this article's perspective and the way that we want to live.  But the last statement has great meaning although it was meant in another way.

Some of us really do want the heterosexual life in the opposite gender.  And for us, those who desire it, passing is so important.

Cindi

[Kate]

Some of us really do want the heterosexual life in the opposite gender.  And for us, those who desire it, passing is so important.

And that's exactly it. I'm trying to hold on to the faith that this is possible now, but... but... I just don't know.

For everything I posted above is really just desperate justfication and rationalizing. I'm trying to find an alternative viewpoint, a way to survive all this.

But in truth I need to forget this past life, I need to be born again as Kate without that past, and passing seems to be the ticket to that dream. I have SO much right now: everyone calls me Kate, everyone calls me She and Her. I'm included in girl talk, I'm treated wonderfully.

But I'm being *humoured*. These are all people I'm out to, so passing is impossible since they know my past. They're kind to me, they're wonderfully compassionate, but being treated "like a woman" because I asked for it isn't the same as being seen as one by a complete stranger as any GG would be. I'm not going to make it, I don't think, as merely an "honourary woman." That just hurts even worse.

Truth be told, I think I'd rather be hated by everyone I know and love and yet pass to strangers in daily life... versus living this frustrating situation of my friends and coworkers simply being kind to me, and only being a woman to those I TELL I am.

~Kate~

[Rachael]

I'm not planning on "flying a T flag over my head" either, but I sometimes think an obsessive focus on passing is kinda missing the point. Given a choice, I think I'd rather NOT pass 100%, yet fully accept who I am... versus pass 100% but live in perpetual fear and insecurity at being discovered because I'm ashamed of who I am/was.

~Kate~

um, well i deffinately want to pass 100%
means im not scared of being read!
i deffinately am ashamed of my past, and dont want people to know...
is that so bad?

[seldom]

I come from an odd perspective on this.
I without question want to pass with regards to the person walking down the street. 

But at the same time, I am not one to run from my past.  I am going to be completely honest with it.  Its not because I don't despise my physical nature, I am just in a very differant place.  I think this may come from a lifetime of being percieved as completely weird, very queer, and never normal in the first place.  When your lifetime is spent outside of the box of society and culture, how those inside of the box percieve you matter much less. I have always been a part of the subculture, I could care less how those content on thier normal lives feel about me. If I am seen as that weird transgirl by my friends...well so be it, they are a bunch of freaks too, thats why we relate.  They still love me and accept me for who I am, and don't judge me just because I am a little strange (and even for a transgirl I am a little strange).  I don't know why, but being percieved as weird in any way by people I know does not bother me that much, if I am percieved as a transwoman, so be it.  I also don't fear being open about who I am or my past.  I don't know, I see it as an opportunity more than anything else, to educate and touch a persons life, change thier perspective.

With that being said, I have the mind of a trans-activist.  I am at peace with myself on some level to even get to this point.  I think many who go deep stealth have not really reached that point of inner peace.  Passing 100% in all aspects of life is important to them.  For me passing is very determinant of the situation.  When I am shopping, of course I need to pass.  But with friendships being honest can sometimes reap greater rewards than hiding from who you are or were.  I have learned that valuable lesson so many times that I lost count.  I don't care if I am never seen as a normal female, I am strange and I embrace the fact I am strange.   

That doesn't mean I don't make an effort, but my effort is for myself, to be comfortable with who I am, to see myself in the flesh as it is percieved in the mind. 

My issue is with my own body and how I percieve myself, not how others percieve me.  My own self image is a bookish, quirky, weird girl with glasses.   I could care less how other people percieve me, as long as I am happy with myself.   How society and others percieve me, well I leaped this mental hurdle years ago.  I have never had an issue with being weird or queer, and being perceived as such.  I am not comfortable with my body as it stands, but I can care less what others think or see in me, passing or not.

In my own words: The freaks have more fun, because they accept themselves for who they are, and have the freedom to be themselves because they don't fear what other people think. 

I have noticed those who transition who have a long established queer or subcultural identity, or were always percieved as queer or weird and embraced it on some level, well...don't worry about not passing 100% of the time.  They are more likely to be outspoken activist.  But this is very rare for transsexuals, because the community when closeted tends to run away from queer or subcultural identities.  I however have always been weird, and I never saw anything wrong with it.  I  am also a professional activist.  I chose to be an activist as a career, because I LOVE it that much.  Because of this I feel no shame in speaking up, and not passing (in the most general sense of the word, non-trans and trans) when the time and situation are right. 

Passing is great.  Choosing not to pass sometimes is a level of self acceptance that is not often embraced, but can lead to great rewards, be it for the purposes of friendship, activism or education.   

[Rachael]

so we can still educate by totally passing?
Im my universitys students union Transgender wellfare officer... and nobody knows im trans in the administration, granted friends do, but new people who come to me see me as a woman, and a woman can help...
plus i think being totally passable is the best education... look, im no different to you... and i can totally integrate... Transexuality is a medical problem that is treated,and i feel, cured. the person is made whole, why only be part?

[seldom]

When you say totally passing 100%, I see stealth.  There is physically passing, and running from your past.  I think it is impossible to educate by going stealth.  End of story.  It is basically hiding all over again.  The way to educate is to reveal that part of your past at some point to an individual or the pubic and defy expectations in the process.  It does not have to be upfront, or the first thing you talk about, but without talking about it at some point the person knows NOTHING and their assumptions remain.

Saying its a medical problem and now I totally integrate, and never revealing your past, that is not educating.  Its hiding.  Education only comes from when knowing when to reveal your past, basically knowing when not to pass, but not to pass on your own terms.  Same for activism. 

The people who I have noticed do the best job of educating are those who do pass, but choose not to on their OWN terms.  Same for the best activist.  Basically saying, I am a TS woman (or man), but that does not make me any less human, or any less of a woman (or man).  This takes saying that you are transsexual, something those people who want to go stealth and want to pass 100% do not want to do. 

Like I said...I have strange ideas. 

Also as far as mainstream American society, well, it has major issues and always has, and the further south you go the more issues there are.  Why integrate with it, its disgusting.  It has long looked down upon and abused anybody who defies any so called norms.  I rather live in the subculture and NOT integrate into that part of society.  Regular American Society is the UGLY part of America, the beautiful part of America has always been in the strange, the dejected, the minorities, the weird.  Whatever REAL culture in America comes from those who DEFIED or were OUTSIDE of American society, either by choice or by birth.  Not those who integrated fully.  Those who shaped or changed things are those who ROSE UP, and said, YOU IGNORANT IDIOTS, I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE INTOLERANCE ANYMORE!!!  Stonewall, the Civil Rights Movement, The Womens Movement.  ALL of these are bi-products of this attitude.  It is when those on the fringes or those oppressed FOUGHT BACK, this has NEVER happened with trans people...because we are too damned scared, because we are fearful of what will happen when do not pass.  There is no question about it, we are oppressed, if anybody is oppressed right now, its transsexuals.  This comes not only from the fact we feel we are in the wrong body, but shame and rejection that we feel from society as well.  But we do nothing about it other than transition and hide, what to pass, to live in stealth and fear.   Real integration and acceptance in society is not going to come from passing 100% and going stealth, it is only going to come from telling your story and being an advocate.  Hiding has done us NO good. 

The trans community has hidden in the shadows and in stealth for to long, especially those who could pass, and honestly it has HURT those who could not.  Until the community wakes up and realizes that only speaking out actually changes anything, we will never see real acceptance. 

The truth is, the problem is not those who cannot pass, they have no choice but to defend themselves.  The problem is those who choose stealth without realizing that THEY need to speak out, but these people are either the most deluded or more often the most fearful. 

As it has been said, you may pass flawlessly, but you will always be transsexual, no matter how much you think otherwise.  Integration is great, but the truth is, you cannot run from who you really are. 

NOBODY passes 100%, and if you play your cards right, you can change peoples minds and determine when those times not to pass are, when you can actually change things for the better.  Even if it is just one person at a time. 

[Keira]

What your advocating, I think, is selective disclosure, which is for most TS a much less stressfull than trying to do a full on 100% stealth job where your one google away from your life being washed away.

If you pass reasonably well, I think that this is the best option.

Almost everybody you deal with this on daily basis don't need to know your past and why tell them? I don't go telling my life to everybody I meet.
But, to those I feel are becoming friend or I want to establish a partnership with, I do disclose.

As for disclosing to society as a whole, I've been wavering up and down on this. But, I think in the end its a personal issue. I think that once I'm well established financially and worked on myself to build up my self-esteem that's been smashed by years of GID, I may out myself and be one of those passable TS who try to educate others.

One thing I've noticed is that, at least in the province of Quebec, all the TS that have a public profile are the least passable ever at every level from body, attitude, posture, voice, etc!!! Most would be described as "men in a dress" and I'll admit that this disturbs me profoundly. I would describe their presentation as genderqueer, yet that's not how the media portray them. At the same time, I appreciate so much that I'm not seen as TS but as a woman by all around me that I'd be loath to let that go... Such a dilemna.

[Rachael]

I personally don't wish to be one of those men in a dress who 'selectively' passes...for me, i see stealth as my transition endpoint. I want to just be a girl, i know ill always be a transsexual at the crux of things, but who's to know? and one Google? even using my full name i cant find me on Google... i don't seek to deny my past, just never mention it again... i can acknowledge it without constantly bringing it up no?
i don't have to have non passing moments to not feel guilty, for me this medical problem is solved when i'm stealth. One doesn't see Cancer sufferers asking their doctor to leave a bit of the growth in, so they can educate people? or someone wanting to announce to the world they were raped every day to educate about rape.... Education doesn't need examples... yeah they help, but the best example to set the world of critics, if you want to be public, and educate, is BE passable, SHOW people we arnt men in dresses, because thats the god damn image people see, and what needs to be changed, all this flapping about needing to not pass to educate is rubbish, show society we arent freakshows ffs...

[Rachael]

if you read my post, i agreed...

[seldom]

Removed, I had to re-read what you posted. 

I do have a trans-activist bend, but this just comes from being a progressive/social justice activist in general.