Feeling torn and confused about transitioning:

[RachelH]

I am not sure I understand this advice...  Are you saying you think,  if someone could possibly bare living in a false gender role for them they should? Or am I misreading that?

For me it felt exactly like the description.  I knew if I forced myself to live as male any longer I would sink deeper into depression and self loathing, that there was no point in trying anymore.  You need to know yourself before you commit, don't change just because your unhappy, you have to see there is no future - it's not fun and easy.

[muuu]

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[RachelH]

Well transitioning has made me the happiest, and I mean deep level, to my core, kind of happy.  But some of the experiences wasn't the nicest and I've lost friends and family on the way. 

Of cause to transition is a want to make yourself happier, but I suppose what I was trying to say is you have to know yourself and be sure that it is what is required in your life... not just it may make you happier. 

[Emily Aster]

Of cause to transition is a want to make yourself happier, but I suppose what I was trying to say is you have to know yourself and be sure that it is what is required in your life... not just it may make you happier.

I think that's the key here. Nobody would consider it if they didn't think they'd be a happier person by doing it. The question is whether or not your unhappiness is based on your dysphoria or based on something else. If it's something else, it needs to be worked out ahead of time because a transition will probably just compound the issue.

[Alainaluvsu]

I think that's the key here. Nobody would consider it if they didn't think they'd be a happier person by doing it. The question is whether or not your unhappiness is based on your dysphoria or based on something else. If it's something else, it needs to be worked out ahead of time because a transition will probably just compound the issue.

Exactly.

I didn't mean it as if you should only do it if it's life or death. You should do it if in your future you know that without a doubt you can't stomach yourself living as the gender you have been living. Transition should absolutely make you happier, but the real reason to do it full time is because living that lie is just unbearable.

And TBH that thought was really only on topic with this particular situation. I said it to kinda make the OP think about her future and what she should do with the situation she is posting about.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Well I am glad it's not just me who doesn't agree with that then! Yeah it should be about an increase in the happiness in your life,  appreciating that there will be costs and not just financial ones.

[Alainaluvsu]

Well I am glad it's not just me who doesn't agree with that then! Yeah it should be about an increase in the happiness in your life,  appreciating that there will be costs and not just financial ones.

So, would a new love come into your life and cause you to want to back away from transition because you'd be content with him / her, but you knew s/he didn't approve of you transitioning?

And there's nothing wrong with it if you'd be content with the lover... but it's only fair to be honest with yourself and hold true to that feeling for as long as you are with him / her, especially if you don't want to tell him / her what they're getting themselves into.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Exactly.

I didn't mean it as if you should only do it if it's life or death. You should do it if in your future you know that without a doubt you can't stomach yourself living as the gender you have been living. Transition should absolutely make you happier, but the real reason to do it full time is because living that lie is just unbearable.

And TBH that thought was really only on topic with this particular situation. I said it to kinda make the OP think about her future and what she should do with the situation she is posting about.

I don't see why someone who hates their gender but thinks they could barely that,  should live a miserable life by not transitioning.

[Alainaluvsu]

I don't see why someone who hates their gender but thinks they could barely that,  should live a miserable life by not transitioning.

Well maybe that answers the OPs question

[Emily Aster]

I don't see why someone who hates their gender but thinks they could barely that,  should live a miserable life by not transitioning.

I've had times where I got yanked back out of the need for a transition because I met someone that I liked. It's actually happened a lot over the years and the pattern is that I always end up unhappy and it's the dysphoria that causes it. I may think I could be happy at the time, but it's a proven fact that I won't be in the long run.

[aprilrain]

Yeah I know you are both right about each of your points, but I'm not even sure how to avoid getting myself in this situation again, clearly gaining romantic feelings for a straight girl as a girl is a bad idea, but for whatever reason I let it happen and I didn't stop it and now I got myself in this mess where ultimately I think both her and I are going to get hurt.

the longer you let the lie persist the more hurt feeling will get

[Heather]

So, would a new love come into your life and cause you to want to back away from transition because you'd be content with him / her, but you knew s/he didn't approve of you transitioning?

And there's nothing wrong with it if you'd be content with the lover... but it's only fair to be honest with yourself and hold true to that feeling for as long as you are with him / her, especially if you don't want to tell him / her what they're getting themselves into.

There is no point in being in a relationship in which you can't be 100% you. All that's going to do is build resentment and anger towards the person who made you chose. And ultimately destroy the relationship. A relationship not built on honesty is doomed from the start and pointless.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Well maybe that answers the OPs question

:-) I suppose so :-)

[Numinum]

I am not sure I understand this advice...  Are you saying you think,  if someone could possibly bare living in a false gender role for them they should? Or am I misreading that?

I think what she was saying is that it shouldn't be something to dive into with the thought of "I'm fine as a guy but I think I'll be happier as female" (or vice versa), because it might just be a reaction to a tough time in life, and rather it should be a conscious "Being male just doesn't work for me, I know I want to be female/I'm willing to go through all the pain to be happy" sort of thing. I still didn't word it very well, though.

I took it as a sort of "If you absolutely think you could revert to being male with no regret or doubt then maybe do it, but if you have even a tiny bit of doubt then it'll probably just get worse". Hopefully I didn't totally misunderstand!

[muuu]

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[Numinum]

Yeah I regret adding that part, the last paragraph was probably closer.

[Alainaluvsu]

I don't think people start thinking of changing their gender when they have a tough time... I mean, it's kind of a thing of it's own.
There are requirements that you should have had those gender feelings for like 1-2 years before you're allowed HRT, I think.

Then why would somebody consider NOT transitioning, when they claim they are transsexual? Could it be because they see a way to be happy enough living as a male?

[muuu]

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[Tristan]

If I can add - don't transition because you think it'll make you happier. Only do it when you know you can't go on living as a male, when you know it's futile.

you are so right in your post because once its all done their is really no turning back. wise words i wish i could have been told a while back 

[Alainaluvsu]

I don't think it's because they see a way to be happy. I'd assume it's because they're afraid of losing something else that they value, and I guess relationships is one of the very common things.

Well, obviously they were happy enough with what they were afraid to lose in order to stave off the complicated and expensive process of transition, right?