Being Fearlessly Out And Trans Is A Revolutionary Act

[Heather]

See that's the thing. People making with the assumptions. I didn't go to any particular trouble, I didn't make any sacrifices, I didn't severe any ties. I used to live in Vancouver, but I was done uni, I'd broken with my then-gf, and I wanted to move to the epicenter of the Canadian publishing industry. It had nothing to do with my trans-y-ness, it was accidental. I didn't leave my family behind. Actually, I moved to the city my sister and my aunt live in, from a city where I had no family. I'm going out to dinner in a couple hours with my dad and his partner because they are here visiting. They only live 5 hours away by car. A far cry from the 5 hours by plane that it was before I moved.

It's funny how people think I put all this effort into hiding my past. What am I hiding? What do you imagine that I lie about? I also have a history of suicide attempts that I don't casually share with acquaintances either. *Shrug* It would take way more effort for me to be out than to just... do the nothing that it takes to be stealth.

Honestly, the only times I feel weird about it is when I see other trans folks in the queer community here. Then I'm like... ->-bleeped-<-, should I say something? But I dunno. I think, for me, the only way I could be out would be if I was a true hardcore activist. If I made being out MEAN something. And, well, that's a choice I wouldn't make lightly. Especially not when I've been transitioned for such a short time.

Your right I shouldn't make assumptions I'm sorry about that.I'm not trying to argue here. Like I said I don't think I'm better than you. It's your life you chose how to live it. I do understand why you would want to live in stealth.

[Brooke777]

I recently met this really great woman through mutual friends. She is married to a wonderful man, and is a model. Turns out, she is trans. She is just stealth. Only those close to her know, and it is because she has told them. She told me because she thinks it's great how out and proud I am. But, it is just not the life for her. Not out of fear, or anything like that. She doesn't purposely hide it, she is just living her life as her. Her husband knows, and doesn't care.

I think that as long as you take the path that is right for you (weather it be stealth or not) then you are doing the right thing. There is no one better way to live your life. Just be who you are and enjoy.

[eli77]

Your right I shouldn't make assumptions I'm sorry about that.I'm not trying to argue here. Like I said I don't think I'm better than you. It's your life you chose how to live it. I do understand why you would want to live in stealth.

Oh hun, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I didn't intend to make you feel bad. I was just referring back to the fact that because you haven't experienced it, you are going to come to it with assumptions about what being stealth is like. About what it feels like, and what it entails.

I guess I just feel like... if you can do it, if you have the option... think about it. I never thought I'd be stealth. I almost fell into it by accident. Or possibly was pushed by my sis. But I think it's been good for me. To be able to just live my life quietly and heal a bit. Figure out how to make things be okay in my head, without having to face the trans thing every single day.

Maybe I'll do things differently in a few years. Make a different choice.

[Heather]

Oh hun, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I didn't intend to make you feel bad. I was just referring back to the fact that because you haven't experienced it, you are going to come to it with assumptions about what being stealth is like. About what it feels like, and what it entails.

I guess I just feel like... if you can do it, if you have the option... think about it. I never thought I'd be stealth. I almost fell into it by accident. Or possibly was pushed by my sis. But I think it's been good for me. To be able to just live my life quietly and heal a bit. Figure out how to make things be okay in my head, without having to face the trans thing every single day.

Maybe I'll do things differently in a few years. Make a different choice.

You didn't make me feel bad. After I wrote the first post I started thinking about it and didn't like the tone of it. I'm not trying to judge anybody on how they live their lives. That why I owed you an apology

[Shana A]

I live in a small town, rural area, so EVERYBODY knows me. I'm also a musician, and have a lot of recorded work under my previous name. So I'm basically living my life in a glass house, not stealth at all, and that's OK with me. People in my extended communities are getting to know a real trans person, many of whom didn't know one before (or at least know that they knew one). However, each person does what's right for them and their situation.

Zythrya

[peky]

I grew up with fear...and along the way I learn to use fear to propel the 'fire in my belly"...fear is good..it keeps you on your toes...it makes feel and appreciate every breath you take and every morsel you gobble even more...

I am at the core: a creature of G-d, a human, a female, a parent, an American citizen, a Jew, and a scholar and scientists...

My biological mishaps...dyslexia, astigmatism. GID, low blood pressure, etc..are but incidental peripheral and nonessential parts of me....They are never hidden nor publicized...

Personally, I do not give a rat ass who clocks me or not, or whether I pass or not...

and no I do not claim to be fearless or revolutionary...just myself....Pesky Peky

[Heather]

Personally, I do not give a rat ass who clocks me or not, or whether I pass or not...

I feel like that sometimes then there is other times I don't.

[Keaira]

I am out and proud. I don't exactly have a choice. People at work know I'm trans and they tell the new hires who go on and tell the new, new hires... it never seems to end. So if that's being an activist then so be it. I may not like being trans, it is still the biggest headache in my life, but since it is something I was born with I should not have to feel ashamed for a birth defect. It just means that I am a woman who has missed out on some experiences and got to experience other things they won't.

[crazy at the coast]

A lot of people know I'm trans and a lot don't, so I've seen the difference in how people relate to me based on what they know of my history. I'd rather not be out and proud as many treat me very differently than they would if I were just another female in their minds. I also don't like to talk about it with those that do know, I don't even really discuss it much with the only other trans woman that lives in town now. I don't feel a need to be an example of anything, just a need to be myself without being judged negatively for it.

[Zumbagirl]

I recently met this really great woman through mutual friends. She is married to a wonderful man, and is a model. Turns out, she is trans. She is just stealth. Only those close to her know, and it is because she has told them. She told me because she thinks it's great how out and proud I am. But, it is just not the life for her. Not out of fear, or anything like that. She doesn't purposely hide it, she is just living her life as her. Her husband knows, and doesn't care.

I think that as long as you take the path that is right for you (weather it be stealth or not) then you are doing the right thing. There is no one better way to live your life. Just be who you are and enjoy.

I disappeared into the woodwork because it was the best thing for me. I just wanted to live a more ordinary life, if that makes any sense. At the same time though, even as recently as when I transitioned in 2001 it was still better to go stealth and disppear into the landscape. There was no protections, no nothing. Of course while I am off living my "life more ordinary" there were othere fighting for workplace protections and equality. I myself am a direct victim of job discrimination due to being trans and where was I in the fight? Silent and no where to be seen. I could have taken that moment to fight for my rights but I didn't. I sort of regret not having done anything but the fear of being outed was real to me. Back then newspaper stories made a big deal out of embellishing articles by including peoples old names and using "he" and things like that. I just didn't want to take that kind of chance and ruin my life which was starting to bloom and grow from the whole gender transition ordeal.

As tempting as it would be to step out of my shadowy existance, I actually like it. I still have a little lifeline to the community here. Maybe someday I will march for equality. I did give it an effort I will say. I did go to a transgender day of remembrance march in 2002 I think, the year Gwen Arujo was murdered. I even went to a pride parade. I walked around and said hi to people, stopped by a transgender support group booth and said hi, and that was probably the last time anyone from that group ever saw me.

We do have a lot of overlapping interests with the GLB people, but from what I can see, the GLB's are also busy living lives of their own and one probably couldn't get 10 people in a room to agree on much. I try to see where I fit in to that world and I just don't see it. I couldn't be an activist no matter how hard I wanted to will myself to be one. So here I am

[Brooke777]

I disappeared into the woodwork because it was the best thing for me. I just wanted to live a more ordinary life, if that makes any sense. At the same time though, even as recently as when I transitioned in 2001 it was still better to go stealth and disppear into the landscape. There was no protections, no nothing. Of course while I am off living my "life more ordinary" there were othere fighting for workplace protections and equality. I myself am a direct victim of job discrimination due to being trans and where was I in the fight? Silent and no where to be seen. I could have taken that moment to fight for my rights but I didn't. I sort of regret not having done anything but the fear of being outed was real to me. Back then newspaper stories made a big deal out of embellishing articles by including peoples old names and using "he" and things like that. I just didn't want to take that kind of chance and ruin my life which was starting to bloom and grow from the whole gender transition ordeal.

As tempting as it would be to step out of my shadowy existance, I actually like it. I still have a little lifeline to the community here. Maybe someday I will march for equality. I did give it an effort I will say. I did go to a transgender day of remembrance march in 2002 I think, the year Gwen Arujo was murdered. I even went to a pride parade. I walked around and said hi to people, stopped by a transgender support group booth and said hi, and that was probably the last time anyone from that group ever saw me.

We do have a lot of overlapping interests with the GLB people, but from what I can see, the GLB's are also busy living lives of their own and one probably couldn't get 10 people in a room to agree on much. I try to see where I fit in to that world and I just don't see it. I couldn't be an activist no matter how hard I wanted to will myself to be one. So here I am

I do think there is a huge difference for those of us who transition now than those, like yourself, who transitioned years ago. The world is a very different place, and being out and proud when you transitioned was not a safe thing to be. I think, just by being you and being stealth, you do do quite a bit for the trans community. You show that trans people are just normal people who can blend into society in a way where no one even knows they are trans. That, to me, is very helpful. If all trans people were activist society as a whole would think that all trans people are out to cause social turmoil. We all have a role in this, and yours is quite important IMHO.