Hi all,
Just wanted to share some of my experiences, because there were so many truly wonderful and extremely important things that happened here in the DC area this week.
There were at least 100 people that showed up from all over the country on Monday for the NCTE(Nat'l Center for Transgender Equality) lobby training at the Human Rights Campaign headquarters here in Washington. This was amazing in itself for me personally, having had little exposure face to face with fellow members of our extended family since i began my own transition, almost 3 years ago now. There was a group of 20 incredible women that traveled together from California. People came from Nevada, Michigan, the Carolinas, Florida, Chicago, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland, West Virginia, and the list goes on.
A month ago, at a big meeting (again, dozens showed, many from other parts of the country) for TransEquality Maryland (the newest part of Equality Maryland, headed up by Dan Furmansky), I met Julie Nemecek (she was one of our guest speakers), the professor from Michigan that got bounced from her job at a major university once she came out a couple of years ago. She was once again here with us on the hill this past week, and is a beautiful, sweet, and powerfully intelligent woman. She has begun her own consulting firm to help expand diversity and tolerance in the workplace for people like ourselves that face constant discrimination.
Our training took place Monday afternoon, and was very comprehensive, pleasant, and easy to digest. The NCTE folks, headed by an incredible woman, Mara Kiesling, one of the executive directors of the center - had done an incredible job of providing all the necessary materials to make such an effort possible and easy to understand for all of us, especially those of us that have not lobbied elected officials before. They had been calling Congressional and Senate offices for six weeks to get the appointments set for all of us, in preparation for our efforts. Call this a crash course in legislative awareness
They were still setting appointments that afternoon and all the next day, even as we all met with our respective representatives depending on what state we were from. We were broken down into teams by State, with experienced and inexperienced members on each team so that it would balance well.
Susan Stanton from Florida was there, out fully enfemme, and alone without her family.
Stephen Glassman was there (Activist extraordinaire, Founder and Chair of the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission), Jenny Boylan - Well known MTF Author, Phyllis Randolph Frye (a MTF attorney and brilliantly hardcore equal-rights activist that has been fighting for our rights since the 70's - and far too many other incredible people to list here... Truly amazing....
The training went very well, and quickly helped many of us newbies get over our butterflies about such an undertaking. After the training, many of us retired to a cafe across the street for drinks and light fare. There was a huge reception scheduled at the National Press Club for later that evening. Tickets sold out and there were many that weren't able to get in because attendance was so high.
At the Cafe, I approached Susan Stanton and talked with her for several minutes. She is incredible. Warm, sweet, very softly spoken, and also a bit guarded still. I thought I could see the 'deer in the headlights' look still in her eyes, and since she is really just starting out, probably a bit overwhelmed in many ways.
I told her that it was in fact, her story, that had deeply affected me in many ways, and how this had helped to pull me even further out of my shell. I told her that her story had helped me to realize that i truly now needed to become more active in helping to address the pervasive hatred and misperception that exists for many, and is unfortunately still alive and well in many parts of this country.
Susan's story was a big part of the reason that several months later, I was now preparing to lobby and really get more involved in these issues for the first time in my life.
As a result of that brief interchange, and while still talking with her, I was approched by members of the media that had been sitting with her at the time, and a very nice young woman, Lorri Helfand, Staff Writer from the St. Petersburg Times, actually took a brief standing interview with me. She was warm, professional, and very receptive to me. Her interest was deeply appreciated.
I found out two days later that I had been quoted and published - that was incredible. I'll paste a link at the end of this posting for anyone that wants to see it. They did a really nice article about her life, and her struggle since her story broke. My quote appeared at the very end of the article.
The reception later that evening was incredible. I had already connected with the MTF girl that i did the TV show with a few weeks earlier (she and her life partner were both there, along with her partner's beautiful 15 year old daughter). After the Cafe, I joined these three at their hotel room and we all freshened up and got ready for the reception (they both showered and changed into beautiful evening dresses, i somehow redid my nails and tweaked my hair and makeup - i was already in a nice suit, so i didnt need to change).
Just being invited into their room with them was a great compliment, and filled me with comfort and peacefulness - it felt like being with family and it was just warm and safe. The reception began at 7:30 and we got there just a few minutes late. The place was packed. At least 150 or more people had swelled our numbers, and there was nice food, nice waiters with trays of appetizers, and a nice quality cash bar, open to all of us prior to the speakers and award ceremony that was about to take place.
Jeffrey Carlson, the actor that plays Zarf/Zoe on the daytime soap, "All My Children", was there as well, as open supporter of our efforts. Mara Kiesling opened the speakers and Jenny Boylan gave an exceptional presentation. Mr. Glassman spoke as well, and shared his deepest personal feelings as ardent supporter and ally of our cause, and member of our extended family of true advocates for our rights. Everyone was so upbeat and the room was filled with other media as well, including the AP.
The same cameraman (CNN, i think) that had taken shots of me talking with Susan Stanton earlier in the afternoon, put me in the frame again - I asked him if there was any way to get a taped copy of the entire event, but they are apparently unable to respond to such requests without extensive written requests to the networks, etc. Nonetheless, they all acted with a great deal of warmth and respect towards all of us. This was a beautiful and deeply inspiring event for almost all of us. After presentations we all had an hour or so to mix and mingle, and i ended up talking with Jeffrey Carlson for the last 15-20 minutes as we all as left the reception.
This was beautiful. I have had real personal issues with that TV show, this actor, and their portrayal of a supposed TG character on daytime network television. I have never liked the idea of people that do not have the personal experience, trying to portray people like ourselves in the public eye.
I personally think it should be done by someone that actually knows what this is like from personal perspective. He ended up being truly sweet (and i DO mean really S-W-E-E-T with capital letters) - He is an extremely intelligent, and completely gorgeous young man. Gently and softly spoken - truly gentlemanly in every way that i could detect. He was an absolute pleasure to connect with intellectually. He listened well and responded with such professional and personal warmth as i discussed and vented my feelings, ideas, and opinions, and I made sure that he knew i was only intelligently trying to help expand his perceptions about portraying a MTF woman to the general viewing public.
That was truly a cathartic experience for me - i have had real emotional issues with this character - and by extension, this very actor - for months since that role debuted, and here i was actually having a warm and intelligent dialogue with this person about it - just totally amazing - incredible... I want to cry right now for the incredible beauty of acceptance i felt from him in that moment (i
am now...) I hope i will see and talk to him again some time.
By the end of the event, i had met so many wonderful, warm and intelligent people so similar to myself that my head was just spinning with it all - my heart was exploding - i must have handed out dozens of my cards and got just as many in return - good people - 95% MTF - beautiful, intelligent, willing to connect and share ourselves and our stories - from all around the entire country - what a mind and heart blowing experience...
I left together with the ladies i came in with, and we all ended up staying out and talking over food and drinks here in the city until almost 2AM (we all had to be on Capital Hill the next morning at 8:30AM, and i had a 40 minute drive home still) - just couldn't help it - too much energy to bleed off, and too many new connections and shared personal experiences to strengthen with others...
The next morning - Capital Hill - I got stuck in traffic getting into the city and missed the group photo for NCTE - that HURT....I was getting miserable... I wore my best suit (Navy Chaps linen Jacket w/a skirt & gold buttons, white hose, and nice navy/white espadrilles and a nice Estee' tote that matched it all perfectly, along with my briefcase)... I was exhausted, and was struggling not to think my day was going to be hell, and i was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs....
Nonetheless, i kept in touch via cellphone with Ms. Kiesling, and my fellow Maryland team members until i was able to catch up with them all at our second Senate appointment at the Hart Senate building at 10:00AM - Our team leader was Donna Cartwright - one of the executive directors here with Equality Maryland - she is an incredible MTF woman with a world of experience in these matters, a fierce intellect, and unstoppable determination. They had all just come from Senator Barbara Mikulski's office (one of our stongest allies here in the DC/MD area, and supporter of ENDA as well as HR 1592)... I was stressed and angry with myself - and now running in heels to get into the building - but still somehow I felt confident and beautiful...
It was a wonderfully beautiful day - breezy, crystal clear blue sky, and 70's that morning.
I got into an elevator with a (stunningly)beautiful dark-haired girl in her late 30's /early 40's who looked me up and down and then immediately complimented me profusely on my suit and shoes - which of course i happily returned the same sentiments to her - that was all i needed to set the tone for the entire rest of my day on the hill....
The next 8 hours were spent running between our central meeting location (the entire delegation took over part of the cafeteria in the Longworth Congressional Office Building for the entire day and evening) and House and Senate appointments. Our Team from Mayland was a strong one. Donna, myself, the girl i had taped the Show with, and several other very intelligent, well spoken, and well dressed MTF women from around the DC/MD area.
All of us have had deeply discriminatory stories and experiences to share, and Donna always took point in the meetings before handing it over to the rest of us to tell our stories, feelings, and experiences. Of course it always led back to how additional protective legislations such as ENDA are of true importance for many, from a very real and very critical survival standpoint in our lives at this moment.
The girl I keep mentioning that did the TV show with me is a master mechanic - racing bikes, racecars, welding, aerospace fabrication - and STUNNINGLY beautiful.
She has been unable to find work in Maryland without severe discrimination for the last 16 months. She is being discriminated against in the courts in a custody battle over children with her former wife. Her new life partner now has just been fired in the last 2 weeks from her job of 22 years as a Master barber, solely on the basis of her partner's TG status. They were there giving up days of time looking for work, and travel expense that they cannot afford. In Maryland we STILL have NO legal protection or recourse for these things as the current language now stands. All of us have similar stories in many way, but few as utterly wrenching and heart-rending as theirs...
We spent the day meeting with aides and members as they were available until there were only 3 of us left. Myself, Donna, and another beautiful girl from Maryland - Celeste Hall - also a master auto mechanic that had trouble finding non-discriminatory work here in this state for many months before someone finally hired her under good circumstances. And we just kept going and wanted more.... Our team leader was still setting or confirming appointments right up until 5PM. Feet were hurting so bad that night i can't even describe - literally miles of walking in and between those huge office buildings...
I myself have been discriminated against once i came out, and had to re-enter the work force as a girl. Even with an excellent resume and very good references, the first 6 months were impossible to desperate for me. I was constantly told again and again that i was the most qualified applicant - i tried everything - I was even going to leave cooking altogether for awhile if it meant getting ANYTHING that would put bread on the table and keep me from getting thrown out by my wife.
I applied at warehouses, shipping firms, retail stores, bakeries - and was told the same thing, over and over, again and again - "we like you" - "amazing resume" - "best applicant so far," most qualified," etc, "well-spoken", "intelligent," good references" - etc., etc., - and I was never called back by a single one of them for a second interview, or they told me that the positions had been filled, or avoided my calls altogether.
This is why i am still trying desperately, even now, to build my own foodservice company on not even a shoestring of a budget....I'm going for mainstream clientele, too - i have had several potential leads immediately ditch me as soon as they hear my voice on the telephone - and i honestly don't even sound THAT masculine anymore... If it weren't for my incredible wife, i'd have been out in the street already...
In any case - we were very well-recieved by almost everyone that we met with - be they aide or actual representative/member - and got to tell our stories many times that day. I got to the point of actually being able to give a couple of aides a completely new perspective about people like ourselves once i got started talking about it. You could see the change literally happen across the face of one of the aides as we were answering her questions, and began talking about the differences in perceptions and misperceptions between things like sexual orientation and expression, and expression of true gender identity, and how these things so greatly differ, for so many of us across the scale...
We lost the girl i did the show with, after a meeting with a very conservative Rep. from Maryland (Congressman Roscoe Bartlett - whom i have met, and both my wife and myself have driven as sedan drivers for Fox News at one time - and he was very nice in person - but his human rights issues record with things like this purely sucks from what i know thus far...)) - whose aide, a late 40-something and intelligent woman, possibly a fundamentalist Chrisitan type, tried to deflect our issues into the territory of same-sex marriage, and how they feel that these things all lead to the same slippery slope of eroding the family oriented basis of our country and culture. We needed to stay on point about ENDA.
We all got pretty angry on that one, and my friend(from the TV show) was done for the day, after that session.
This incredible girl has been going and going for months like this, to help all of us get protective legislations passed in our State - and she was just fried out after telling her story to far too many deaf ears so many times. I almost completely lost it in the cafeteria afterwards, when she said that she and her partner were done for the day and gonna have to leave.
I started crying after i saw the look in her eyes - i couldn't contain the feelings that rose up in me. I will NEVER, EVER forget the look of hopeless dejection and desperate sadness in her incredibly beautiful eyes and on her face - it's bringing the tears up right now - i'm crying and the keys are looking a bit blurred at the moment as i am typing this.... It hurt me deeply.
It brought up the indignation, hurtful rage, and determination even more than ever -
These people must intelligently learn somehow of truth and fairness, and i dont give half a holy hell how long it takes, now that iv'e been there meeting with and facing them confidently and fearlessly in person...
I am angry and hurt and feeling desperate for the force of such ignorance and hatred as we all face here in this moment in our lives.... After she left us, I would have gone into meetings for another 12 hours non-stop if we had had the time that day.....
Fortunately, we DID have some very positive feedback, good meetings, and positive experiences with many people that we saw and talked to that day, and by and large we were all treated with true graciousness, outward respectfulness, and warmth by many.
People on the Hill apparently must behave in a very proper manner, even if they don't like or agree with us. We Have to give them all credit for that, regardless of political correctness, where it is truly and honestly due. The day ended back at the cafeteria, with our three remaining team members and a handful of other teams - Susan stanton was still there with us, and all remaining talked and networked for about another 1 to 2 hours, as well as finish filling out the reports from the meetings we had completed that day.
Myself, one other girl (Rvd. Rebecca Von Lohr)that is also a professional editor, freelance journalist, and essayist, published extensively all under a series of male pen names (including Ian Lohr, Robin Banks, and Scott Free). , and the other MTF girl mechanic (Celeste Hall) in our team were invited to the home of the daughter of a MTF woman, Johanna Rasmussen, (Executive Director, California Association for the Transgendered - recently started by her, i believe) from California, in her mid-late 50's, that has just begun her transition in the last year or two, and like me, has never been around all of this before, much less this many of us all at one time and place.
She was absolutely incredible, and her Daughter and son-in-law provided a warm and welcoming home on the hill, and a very nice dinner for the unexpected and impromptu guests of her mom.
We stayed there and talked and ate and shared deeply until about 1AM, and i dropped one of them off at her hotel and took the other girl to her car at a subway station, not too far from where i live.
Real and important Connections for life are being forged here.
As a result of some of this in the last few days, a client of mine that is an openly gay and retired Marine officer, called me knowing that i am becoming more politically involved.
He offered me to be Chef for a political fundraiser, for a close friend of his that is now running for congress. Mr. Andrew Martin from Nevada - openly gay and with a life partner, and apparently very supportive of our kinds of issues. This will be my first political fundraiser ever, and i have offered to donate my time and labor to help make it beautiful and perfect. We will probably raise between $15- 20,000 for this event, the middle of next month. It will be the candidate's first real fundraising event, held at my client's home, and the 20-30 guests will each be paying at least $500 per plate for my cooking.
I will make nothing, but I will make sure that a close friend and fellow chef that I have asked to work with me on it will get paid for his time that day. I will end up getting graciously warm thanks and official recognition as a campaign contributor. As a Chef - something like this is all about giving up the love, and paying dues that need to be paid, as we all grow together.
I am exhausted. There is more to tell, so i will edit this and post more later. This posting needs editing, corrections, correct name and title additions, and additions that I can't make right now, so please forgive some of the rough spots. I have to get a shower and get ready to go out in a little while. If i hadn't sat down and done this now, i never would have been able or would have waited too much longer.
As always, Susan's place has been a big part of my initial healing process in terms of getting the real support and information I needed when my life was exploding and i was desperate for support and information. I hope that everyone here can find a way to continue to give each other the love, and support and respect that we all so desperately need. Too little time for people to bash each other about what it means to be a genuine TG person. I saw every size, shape, look, culture, and state of process that we come in, this past week, and every single one i met is a beautiful girl or beautiful man struggling with mostly the EXACT same issues when it comes down to the line of it.
Wake up, people. Stop all the brutally hurtful, distracting, and exhausting infighting about who can split hairs better or who or what is the more ""
Genuine"" TS than another".
This can only serve to divide and confuse ourselves, and give our opponents more fuel to burn us all with.
Think about taking the risks and getting out to do what it will take to help.
Your very life and your very rights as a human being living in this country could depend on it at some point.
I will post the St. Petersburg Times article link here at the end of this post.
I am,
Most Sincerely,
Lovingly always,
LoveForever,
Maryanne A. "ChefAnnagirl" Arnow
LINK:
http://www.sptimes.com/2007/05/15/Tampabay/Susan_Stanton_debuts_.shtml------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
