This really upsets me

[suzifrommd]

I finally got a copy of psychologist's report from my evaluation a few months ago. From that report:

The patient has known in the past 2-3 months that changing his gender was a possibility and has developed a potent urge to achieve this transition.   However his goal to complete this transition so quickly in the next 12 months appears to be rushed, without exploring the full impact on his teenage daughter and wife. It is worrisome that he is unable to evaluate the dire consequence that his daughter would experience when she comes to school the next academic year, encountering a father who is now a woman; unfortunately this will impact how the patient's daughter will be viewed and treated by her peers as she completes 2 more years of high school.   

And later

psychotherapy should attempt to slow down his urgent need to transition to the female gender, while instilling conscientiousness that would anticipate the consequences of how this would impact his family

Is this saying that if your a trans woman who happens to be married or have a teenage daughter, you're stuck living as a guy?

[Nero]

Wow. Sorry you had to see that, AG. It's obvious from your posts, you have put a lot of thought into how this will impact your daughter. It's a noble sacrifice when people choose to wait until their kids are grown/spouses or parents passed on etc. But certainly not a requirement. And not indicated. You can't base life decisions on what some punk at her school may or may not say. 

[Brooke777]

Is this saying that if your a trans woman who happens to be married or have a teenage daughter, you're stuck living as a guy?

No. But, sadly a lot of people will transition very quickly without putting enough thought into how it will affect their family. It appears that the psychologist is concerned that you are one of those people, and therefore is worried about the negative impact this will have on your daughter. As you know, bullying is a very serious problem and I think the psychologist is concerned about this.

If, the psychologist gets to know you better, they will see that you are an extremely thoughtfull, intelligent woman and you have fully considered all the effects this will have on your family. That you are not rushing blindly into this.

[Shantel]

I finally got a copy of psychologist's report from my evaluation a few months ago.

Is this saying that if your a trans woman who happens to be married or have a teenage daughter, you're stuck living as a guy?

I would think that you would take this back to the psychologist and assure him or her that you and your daughter are working through the issue if that is in fact the case, and then I'd ask them to consider you for one moment, after all isn't this suppose to be about you and your life? I understand where he is coming from, but it seems that there is an inordinate amount of concern for family members and you're inner being and needs are being marginalized.

[crazy at the coast]

Does that psychologist work with many trans people? 

[Shantel]

Does that psychologist work with many trans people?

Good question, it makes me wonder about that too!

[crazy at the coast]

They just seem like one of those bully apologists that think we should do whatever we can not to antagonize the poor misunderstood bullies.

[Shantel]

They just seem like one of those bully apologists that think we should do whatever we can not to antagonize the poor misunderstood bullies.

Kind of my gut feeling too!

[Brooke777]

They just seem like one of those bully apologists that think we should do whatever we can not to antagonize the poor misunderstood bullies.

I'm not reading it that way. The way I see it, the psychologist is concerned about AG as a whole. Not just with her gender issues, but also with the rest of her life. It is a good sign that the they actually care what happens with her. If someone hurts her daughter because AG is trans, that will most likely cause AG a lot of pain. Therefore, the psychologist is trying to ensure she is prepared for this type of incident, and that the daughter has been prepared.

I think it would be good to have the psychologist meet AG's daughter to ensure she is prepared for this (as well as can be expected anyway).

[suzifrommd]

Well I only see the guy once. He's the guy in the group that does the evaluation and then recommends me to see one of the therapists in the group.

I went to one of them but I recently changed to see another. One of the issues involved in the change is that I was unable to convince him that I was making an informed decision about how this would affect my family. He was pressuring me to put off going full time for two years. I found it puzzling that he would do this until I saw the report. The new therapist has not pressured me similarly and at least made noises that she supports what I'm doing.

They see a lot of transgender patients, but I gather that requiring this particular evaluation is somewhat new.

The psychologist who did the evaluation bills himself as an expert in the field.

[crazy at the coast]

The psychologist who did the evaluation bills himself as an expert in the field.

Not surprised by that. 

And while its good to take others into account, they don't need to be overlooking the potential harm to you that putting it off for so long could do and it seems like they are doing just that.

[Shantel]

The psychologist who did the evaluation bills himself as an expert in the field.

That's why I was hired into a field that requires a college degree which I had never acquired, because those degreed individuals had for the most part no real life experience, no work ethic and little if any common sense. Since I didn't have the opportunity to learn to parrot what some professorial types considered to be important, I was still left with the capacity to think outside of the box, which may be sadly lacking in this person that you are referring to as your psychologist.

[Shantel]

Dr. Phil is sympathetic to transgender people, but he recently raked a MTF transexual over the coals for not putting the concerns of her two daughters in proper balance. There are right ways and wrong ways to do things. It's quite possible your counselor has a bias against gender transitioning, it's also possible they don't and they see some lack of planning on your part. Have you asked them specifically what their concerns are and how they would approach it? I recommend not dismissing their concerns, addressing them and working thru them will help ensure you don't have any regrets. Transition is largely about your loved ones, they need adequate time to cope and adjust to this. If you're feeling doubts, get a independent opinion from another counselor.

Well yes, you're right about the family concerns. I'm sorry but I get a bit prickly about the possibility of anti-tg bias, I've seen it in several instances and it always comes veiled, layered behind some other concern. Just part of the problem of having to be assessed, quantified, qualified and judged by another human being with all of their own personal dark secrets and failings.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

At first blush, I thought that this person is more concerned with how others will deal with agfrommd's transition and did not even take into the fact that she has already went through the thought process of how it would affect the family.  This therapist is totally anti-transition.  IMHO.

[aleon515]

To me he sounds like someone who, though he supposedly knows a lot about transgender, doesn't actually believe in it or sympathize much with it. He has a textbook knowledge and would probably say the same thing under similar conditions. Another transwoman and a family and "It is important to get XYZ to be conscientious about his family, yada yada yada." I think he'd have another sort of pro forma response to people with different situations. And I'd think you'd find his pro forma responses would all be somewhat unsympathetic. I might be able to guess what he might say to me, given his responses to AG. For instance, "J claims to be a transmale though she (sic) has lived all her (sic) life as female. J seems unconcerned that her (sic) sister will no doubt have a negative reaction." And so on.

I don't think this is a therapy relationship where there is actual genuine concern for AG or anything like that. This is a one shot deal and the people who do these are often more concerned that they will look clever, bright, and insightful.

We know you here to be highly conscientious and smart. Hang in there and put the d*** thing somewhere where you can't find it again like under some cooked spaghetti and marinara sauce.

Note:
You see in  these comments that the psychologist has misgendered you at least 4 time (and I don't care how you presented at the time). The guy  did not even try.

BTW, I don't consider Dr. Phil a genuine psychologist but an entertainer. He is NOT sensitive to trans issues. There was quite a well-known one about trans kids where he didn't even bother to have a qualified professional of trans kids on the program (rather someone who told the kids to cut the 'girl' cr** out).

--Jay

[suzifrommd]

Thank you all for your supportive comments. It really helps.

Have you asked them specifically what their concerns are and how they would approach it?

I had a discussion with my former therapist, Dr. Kraft. I hadn't seen the report at the time, so I was surprised at Dr. Kraft's vehemence. I spoke to him about my parenting philosophy, that it's not my job to protect my children from any thing that might make them unhappy, but instead to help them learn and grow from their experiences. (I wrote extensively about that in https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,132473.0.html so I won't get into it here).

He argued vehemently that I could protect my daughter and asked me point blank why I couldn't just delay the whole thing thing for two years.

What has me so STEAMED about that exchange is that I was paying Dr. Kraft US$160/hr. He was working for ME but pursuing a hidden agenda put forth by Dr. Berlin (the doctor who did the evaluation).

What it seems to boil down to is that Dr. Berlin and Dr. Kraft did not respect my parenting goals and insights. They were convinced they knew better than I did how I should be parenting my own kids. I am a 51-year-old reasonably well educated, fairly intelligent adult with no criminal record, no history of serious mental illness, and yet I am assumed to be incompetent.

[Shantel]

It's more then upsetting in that case, it's just plain infuriating and appears that they are in that business to save others from the discomfort of having to deal with the change you need to make in your own life, which appears to be unimportant to your two counselors (Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum).

[spacial]

Is this saying that if your a trans woman who happens to be married or have a teenage daughter, you're stuck living as a guy?

He's treating you as a group.

You need to show him you can bring the group along with you. That is, that they accept your transision, especially your daughter.

12 months isn't particularly long really.

[Henna]

These psychology evaluations are really so twisted. Here, if you would tell them, that you have only known and thought about correcting your gender for 2 to 3 months, you would be stuck waiting for the next 21 to 22 months, in order to complete the requirement of wanting to correct your gender for full two years.

Thus, you are forced to lie, or at least make up a certain date in the past few years, when you were absolutely sure. Silly system, which forces people to lie and make things up.

I hope that's not the case with agfrommd.

[Brooke777]

AG, I would say Dr. Kraft certainly does not care about your mental well being. He is not trying to help you through transition, but trying to avoid it. People like this should not be practicing psychology in my opinion.