Born in the wrong mind.

[Alex_K]

Okay. The thing is that I've never felt good defining myself as a "born in the wrong body" person. I did it many times to help people understand my trans feelings, but I think gender issues are more complicated than that.

Anyway, after I use that card, the next one I draw is the "If I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman" card. And, although I KNOW that most of the time I feel like that, I also realize that, maybe, if I was born a woman, I would want to transition because I am a gender dysphoric person after all.
It makes me feel like I'm stuck between genders, and it's not a pleasant thought. Maybe if my dysphoria was as big as the other trans people that know they want to switch genders since their mothers breastfed them I wouldn't have that problem. There are days that I feel very femenine and I feel a very urgent need to transition, other days I feel like I could live like an androgine, bi-gender, gender-fluid whatever person, and some other days I don't feel like transitioning at all. Why has it got to be that difficult to figure out???


I feel messed up and I don't think I can explain myself very well at this point, so here's the question: how do you deal with dysphoria if you're not enough trans to transition? Is there a "not enough trans to transition" category anyway, or am I just a weirdo? Anyone else feeling similar?


Thanks for reading   :-)

[Brooke777]

There is no such thing as trans enough, or not enough trans. There are people all over the spectrum and there is nothing wrong with any of them.

[Incarnadine]

To echo Brooke's supportive comment, there are many here on Susan's who feel just like you do, who bounce back and forth like you do.  I find myself doing that a lot, and I've found that it helps to have someone to talk to face to face (a.k.a., a therapist with whom you feel comfortable!).

Find a therapist to chat with then would be my suggestion.  Because I don't know your financial situation, I'll offer that even folks on Medicare, etc., usually have access to a certain level of therapy coverage. 

You might not ever be able to pin down exactly where you stand, or what exactly you want.  But to echo what another lady on Susan's has on her signature, sometimes it is okay to not be okay! 

[Lesley_Roberta]

I'm not sure it is possible to be in the wrong 'mind'.

I am learning to understand my mind more, but, I am not worried that it is the wrong one.

Now if I could go back in time, and have been born in a female body, would I end up me at age 50?

That is a really good question.

How would I have lived as a woman? Would I want to do everything mom had done in her life? Would I be sitting here in a night gown griping about my husband? Would I have a husband? Would I have grown up an ordinary heterosexual female? Would I have had the same life experiences? Would I be as keenly interested in science and history and be sitting in a room full of military models?

Would I be sympathetic to the LGTG crowd? Would I be just one more person in society with dumb misconceptions?

How much of my life happened as a result of it going through all that it went through, that if I had been born female, would never have happened to me?

I can't redo the past, but, I also am not sure I want to lose my past.

[Beth Andrea]

There's nothing wrong with going back and forth, everyone has "good days" and "bad days" (and you define which is which, for you)...I'd just suggest holding off on SRS for awhile, though. Nothing wrong with being pre-op, technically everyone is (until the gas hits on surgery day LOL)...

For me, there are days moments when I consider de-transitioning...usually I think of it when I need a good laugh!