Stepping Out At 31

[Sarah1981]

Sooo, hello new family

Well here goes,
My name is Paul but I'm tentatively starting to call myself Sarah and I have lived 31 years, outwardly, as a male.
I have always felt that on entering this world I somehow hopped into the wrong body. I have just asked my GP to refer me to a Gender Clinic. He first said the NHS has nothing to do with GID, so in a rage I had to educate him a little
I live out in the sticks so I don't know anyone else like me but I'm looking around now and hoping to change that.
Hormones are the most important thing to me at the moment.
Does anyone know how long it take to get them?. The RLE scares me to death but if I must I must.

This is my story!
With my parents being religious, I refuse to subscribe to any religion, and everyone around me spouting ignorant crap every now and then I was never brave enough to tell anyone how I really felt.
Over the years the pressure inside my mind became truly suffocating. I became more and more depressed. I found I started to withdraw from my family. I felt really angry towards them because I thought if I revealed my true self they would hate and reject me. By the time I was 29 I had developed the male in me into a kind of defensive soldier always ready to go to war for me. I spent so much time building my body up in case I had to protect the true me.

I'll elaborate on this if anyone wants but for now I'll keep it short. In August 2011 I had a motorbike crash. It left me in a coma for several weeks with a bleeding brain, broke and paralyzed my right arm, broke my femurs, ribs, spine, wrists, skull etc.
Although I still have server nerve pain from a brachial plexus I was extremely lucky to have no long term brain damage thanks to all the chemicals the pumped into my head. Sounds bad I know but I'm glad it happened.

Here comes the crazy bit and the reason I came out to my family.
To cut a long, long story short, at some point between lying on the road and waking from a coma I left my body and went somewhere else. I saw a golden bright light full of different beings so full of love, compassion and acceptance. I realized we are them and we come here to learn. They gave me the choice of staying with them or returning to my family so I came back.

After nearly two years of rehab I inadvertently told my family after seeing a psychologist. It just spilled out of my mouth one day while I was thinking about the light. My little brother and mother were a bit weird at first but they all said they love me and I'm still the same person to them. My younger sister has been supper about it.
I hadn't realized just how huge the pressure had become. It felt like the entire weight of the universe lifted off my head and shoulders. I know my path now, I feel it in my stomach and chest like a compass. When I do what I know is right it feels like love. So my rather lengthy point is that you only need to do what your heart tells you, even if it hurts and you will find what what you're looking for.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to our little family. Over 10042  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Janet 

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Hey hey :-)

[Jamie D]

Sarah, glad you found us.

Since you mentioned the NHS, I will assume you are in the UK.  We have quite a few members from there.

Their experience with the NHS vary.  When you get 15 posts, and can use the personal messaging utility on the site, you may wish to contact "Spacial" (aka Jill), who is very knowledgeable about the system there.

And we have several members who have reported out-of-body experiences.

[justmeinoz]

Hi and welcome from the other end of the globe. 
Having taken the steps of coming out to yourself, and then your family you have done the hardest part.  The RLE is a bit of a misnomer as no matter what you do it is real.  I preferred to think of it as just getting on with life, so it is no wonder it feels like a weight lifting. 
Patience is neccessary, but there is no reason you shouldn't do fine.  As for passing, there are some people in this city who have trouble passing as human!

Karen.

[Bexi]

Heya,

Welcome to Susans! I'm glad you're happy and have accepted yourself. Oh, I had that similar experience of relief after I had accepted too! It was a wonderful feeling.

Does anyone know how long it take to get them?. The RLE scares me to death but if I must I must.

It changes from therapist to therapist, though I would expect most would decide after several meetings, most of which are roughly a couple of months apart.

As for the RLE, that also varies depending on location. Therapists in Scotland are able to prescribe hormones before the 3-month RLE, though not all do.

I was nervous as hell, but its something that has to be done. And once you get over the initial apprehension, you forget about it. You realize that its just one step closer to living as who you want to be.

I can sympathize with your opinion of the NHS - but its an imperfect system though the benefits cannot be ignored. It still does good, even if it could do much better.

X

[gennee]

Hi Sarah and welcome to Susan's. I enjoyed reading your introduction and wish you continued progress.
I stepped out at 56 (I'm 64 now) and haven't looked back.