Using the men's room

[aleon515]

I thought we were referring to those who are far enough into their transition to be perceived as male. 

I would guess this too, but there are those of us who don't really like to use either too much. I do use a men's in some places where it is single stall.

--Jay

[aleon515]

sannity check...having been froced to live in the male role, and deal with males most of my life I can tell you: a) that male do not have "issues," b) when a female talks or post about 'man thnigs" they just ignored her, they do not get "up set" or offended, c) most man would consider amusing to find a girl in their bathroom.

This is not necessarily true from what I heard in group though. However, this is really good, transguy interviews cismen and women re: attitudes in the bathroom.


--Jay

[Adam (birkin)]

I don't believe most people would say or do much even if you're not passing. Most people would think "oh, maybe just a mistake" or "ok...whatever." But there is that chance of there being a bad apple, too, and I don't think that being concerned if you're not passing well is completely unfounded. Some people might see us as really butch lesbians and act out in anger/homophobia. I remember my grandfather told me if he saw a woman in the men's bathroom he would call the police and make a big scene, and let me tell you, I believe him on that one. Some people have very strict gender roles ingrained in them, and they will make a way bigger deal out of it than they should. Are they the exception? Yes. But it doesn't make it better if it does happen to you.

I do think that if you're passing though, you should try and use the men's, for your own sake. But if you're like me pre-T (or even now...but pre-T I literally never passed), it may be more comfortable to use the women's, and it might be the right thing to do for you. There has to be a sense of readiness and security, and it comes down to if it would be worse to use the women's and deal with dysphoria, or worse to stress over not passing in the men's and facing harassment. For me, it came down to the dysphoria being worse than the fear, which is why I took the leap and started using the men's.

[Simon]

It's simple, if you are androgynous or pass use the men's room. If you don't pass, don't use the men's room. In society it comes down to how you look a lot of the time. People don't care what someone's identity is. If you don't pass in most situations you're not going to pass any differently in the restroom.

If someone's not ready there is probably a good reason for it, so no need to encourage someone into being delusional when there is the potential that someone could get discriminated against.

[Darrin Scott]

It's simple, if you are androgynous or pass use the men's room. If you don't pass, don't use the men's room. In society it comes down to how you look a lot of the time. People don't care what someone's identity is. If you don't pass in most situations you're not going to pass any differently in the restroom.

If someone's not ready there is probably a good reason for it, so no need to encourage someone into being delusional when there is the potential that someone could get discriminated against.

I agree. I didn't start using the mens room until I was on t and passing. I did not use the mens room while I was pre-T because I didn't pass. I think it's important to know your surroundings and know whether it is safe to go in the mens room and if you pass in order to use it.

[sneakersjay]

I started using the men's room when I was on T and started to pass.  I was barely passing in my home state but used the airport men's room and was terrified, sitting in the stall.  Once I got to my destination, I passed readily but then was unfortunately outed by my driver's license (that was changed when I got back from my trip).  But it was nice to know I passed!  I even used a busy truck stop rest room, that was crowded. Toilets were disgusting but it made me feel good to do it.  Of course I was still terrified and looked at NO ONE.

I mostly started using the local grocery store men's room as it had 1 stall and 1 urinal and was usually empty.  It was an easy way to get used to it.  You might try finding a local store that has a similar set up.


Jay

[ford]

My husband and I were joking that he would need to scout out prospective bathrooms to confirm that the stalls have doors, haha.

I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that some bathrooms have doorless stalls, but apparently he's come across that once or twice. Mind = blown.

[mm]

I have heard that there are doorless stalls in men's restroom.  I haven't seen any in the year of I have been using them.   I don't know for sure what I would do if I found myself in that situation, probably would use it if I had to go bad enough and there were not many guys around.  I would keep my legs close together as much of the time as I could.  All my underwear is men's, boxers mostly so that is not a problem.

[Devlyn]

Of course, that made me Google "doorless bathroom stalls" ........

[DriftingCrow]

I have heard that there are doorless stalls in men's restroom.  I haven't seen any in the year of I have been using them.   I don't know for sure what I would do if I found myself in that situation, probably would use it if I had to go bad enough and there were not many guys around.  I would keep my legs close together as much of the time as I could.  All my underwear is men's, boxers mostly so that is not a problem.

I have seen a woman's room without door at a rest stop in south Carolina. I don't understand, if you're not going to put a door on, why bother with the sides?

[aleon515]

There's a website and app (not sure the name of the app Trans Squat or something weird). The website is

safetopee.com

--Jay

[Devlyn]

We have an App for that! https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123916.0.html

[Kevin Peña]

I don't understand, if you're not going to put a door on, why bother with the sides?

That way, you don't have to see anyone else do their business?   

Anywho, it would take serious cojones to use the bathroom stall without a door. I remember forgetting to lock the door and someone coming into the stall. I told him, "I'm gonna need a minute here, chief."

The look on his face was priceless, almost as though he was thinking, "I found you with your pants off. How are you in charge right now?"

Anywho, a men's bathroom is so icky! 

[peky]

That way, you don't have to see anyone else do their business?   

Anywho, it would take serious cojones to use the bathroom stall without a door. I remember forgetting to lock the door and someone coming into the stall. I told him, "I'm gonna need a minute here, chief."

The look on his face was priceless, almost as though he was thinking, "I found you with your pants off. How are you in charge right now?"

Anywho, a men's bathroom is so icky! 

Wait until you see the bathrooms at a bootcamp....no walls no doors no nothing...but when you have to go you have to go...LOL

[Shantel]

I have seen a woman's room without door at a rest stop in south Carolina. I don't understand, if you're not going to put a door on, why bother with the sides?

I think some business operators do that especially at gas stations to discourage drug users from using the stall for shooting up and free basing because they don't want that element around their customers. It also discourages those people who want to read the newspaper while on the commode. Generally those restrooms are best to avoid because usually they are so dirty you wouldn't want your rear end to touch the seat anyway.

On another note, sorry some were upset by this thread. The intent was to be a note of encouragement and generate conversation about dealing with apprehension over restrooms. Got a bit bashed, but it was worth it to see some guys get over that hump and feel a sense of personal victory.

[Jayr]

Just want to let the OP know that I didn't take offense to anything she said.
Some posts were harsh but not the end of the world.
Nothing worth being offended about.

Once in a while some of us need a good kick in the butt to get things rolling,
so thanks for doing that.

[aleon515]

Jayr, as long as people are aware that unless you pass this is not totally safe. I think that in most cases in might actually be safe. But there are areas, people, etc that this is not so okay with. It is true most guys could give a darn, but there are religious zealots and gay bashers in the land.

--Jay

[Kevin Peña]

Wait until you see the bathrooms at a bootcamp....no walls no doors no nothing...but when you have to go you have to go...LOL

Hey, at least I get my own spot. In a public bathroom, I have to use a dirty cesspool of icky. 

[peky]

Jayr, as long as people are aware that unless you pass this is not totally safe. I think that in most cases in might actually be safe. But there are areas, people, etc that this is not so okay with. It is true most guys could give a darn, but there are religious zealots and gay bashers in the land.

--Jay

Is there a documented case of a girl or transguy being beaten for using the men room?

[DriftingCrow]

Is there a documented case of a girl or transguy being beaten for using the men room?

I saw a documentary and one of the FTMs said he was beaten when he used the men's room in a bar. I can't remember the name of the documentary....

But, I think people just need to use some common sense and realize there's a risk to everything you do.