Small steps

[Shannon1979]

Just wanted to say i talked to someone today as Shannon. This is the first time i have done this outside of the group therapy i have just finished. Ok it was only a few brief words with the lady at the lottery counter in my local supermarket. But small steps seem to be giving me confidence in leaps and bounds. My voice is decidedly un-feminine so i wont talk too much anyway at least untill i can get the voice right.

Slightly bigger step to go tomorrow though. Gulp!! i think its time i come out to my parents. Thats gonna be a hard conversation but hopefully it will go ok. Had all sorts of ideas about how i would do this, but in the end i think sit down cup of tea and a long conversation is the simplest and least shocking way to do it.

Anyone who has come out to parents, if you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

[Bexi]

I'm quite analytical, so went in with a mental list in my head of key things to say - like how I was feeling depressed, why I felt transitioning was right for me, my time-line, the changes I would go through; just generally stuff I thought they ought to know.

My mum was a bit taken aback, but had known something was up. And when I told my dad, I had my two brothers with me to provide support and a different perspective.
x

[Shantel]

Small steps are the only way. Sounds like you have a good plan Shannon, mums rarely throw the kids out, dads feel it's their duty to act incensed with some roaring and snarling, but it's just a dutiful act. Don't worry sweetie, they'll get over it and you'll be fine.

[Devlyn]

Small steps is our mantra! I think having the mental list is important to keep the discussion on course. I'm willing to bet every word after "I have something to tell you" gets easier. Thanks for sharing your progress with us! Hugs, Devlyn

[Shannon1979]

Thanks yea i get the dad will snarl bit. I think they will be able to accept it mum probably quicker than dad. He may take a little more time. But it has to be done a some point and actually the sooner the better. Because i would have hated to admit this last year but im going to need the support.

[Shantel]

Thanks yea i get the dad will snarl bit. I think they will be able to accept it mum probably quicker than dad. He may take a little more time. But it has to be done a some point and actually the sooner the better. Because i would have hated to admit this last year but im going to need the support.

We're here for you Shannon, let us know how it goes, we'll be thinking positive stuff for you in the meantime.

[Shannon1979]

Just thought id let you know i didnt come out to parents today as i said i was. I decided i wanted to goto the gender clinic in nottingham first. So i am going to wait just for a couple of weeks till i get that out of the way.

[Devlyn]

Yay for changing plans! You know what's best for you, that's what counts. Thanks for the update, hugs, Devlyn

[Tessa James]

Shannon one thing I have heard from some parents is the sense of relief that "it was not something they did or said that made us this way"  I have also heard a sense of relief is experienced as parents know more about what has been troubling their kid.  It is also reasonable to expect as they process our coming out that a sense of loss and grieving is not uncommon.
You seem very sensitive and perhaps not likely to insist on immediate recognition, "remove all my old pictures" and such flash points some will generate.

Good Luck hon!

[Shannon1979]

Thank you for the support. Yes your right i dont expect instant recognition it will take time. it think going to the clinic first will help as i can get more information so i am better able to explain the situation to them, hopefully in a way that they can better understand than just coming out with it.

[spacial]

As Devlin says, what's best for you.

The gender clinic might even have some advice.

But you will need to tell them, you do know that? You no longer have any choice, it'll tear you up otherwise and leave you resentful of them. They at least have a right to know why.

For me, I always imagine the best that can happen and the worst.

But we are always here for you. Never forget that lovely one.

[Shannon1979]

As Devlin says, what's best for you.

The gender clinic might even have some advice.

But you will need to tell them, you do know that? You no longer have any choice, it'll tear you up otherwise and leave you resentful of them. They at least have a right to know why.

For me, I always imagine the best that can happen and the worst.

But we are always here for you. Never forget that lovely one.

Yea i agree i need to tell them. Ive told them so much about myself this year. Ok this is the biggest and the only thing i can think of that they dont know yet. And its true its gonna eat me inside if i dont. So i will, there is never a right time but i just want too do it right.

[spacial]

I think most people here who've gotten to know you understand that completely.

But you'll end up doing it perfectly and end up thinking it could have been better.

And we'll give you loads of hugggs because we want to. Life will go on as it always does.