But still, I don't know how to come to my family. Maybe never.
In China, only the male family members are considered as the continuation of family, although obviously this is by far outdated in the 21th century. However, what is happening is that I am the only male grandchild in my family, and is believed to be the only one to pass on its continuation. You can imagine the pressure when everyone of the family focus on yourself to give birth to a lot of children while you wish to lose fertility! I have heard a few who had to cut testicles off using razor blades or scissors by themselves to eliminate the expectations of the family, because otherwise they would have never been permitted to go through transition.
Plus, it is considered a great shame to have a transsexual in a family, and the entire family will be looked down upon by all the people around, and their personality will be questioned (the common term for transsexuals in Chinese is literally equal to "freak").
I don't know what it will be if I come out to them. Probably they will at once fly to Australia and try to stop my study and lock me forever in a dark house, so that other people will not know about the existence of such a "freak" and look down upon them?
This is unimaginable in Europe or US or Australia, but I know a friend whose uncle is the local deputy police chief of her birth town. 2 years ago, the family withdrew her from the university without the confirmation of herself, made a long-range flash raid across 3 000 km to capture her from the university using handcuffs, and planned to locked her in a small dark room forever. Yes, of course these are absolutely ILLEGAL, but even the university gave an acquiescence! Fortunately, after a few months under illegal imprisonment, she managed to escape. Nevertheless, until now, she doesn't have any ID documents or education certificate or driving licence, because these have all been detained by her family, which makes life extremely hard. She could not even find a decent job because she has no education certificate, and she has to use my bank account because she can't open one without an ID document.
Or, would they threaten to self-mutilate so that because I love them, I would have to abandon my own self and continue behave "rightly" according to the "cardinal guides and constant virtues" of the Chinese tradition?
Sadly, although sound horrible, these should the most probable results if I come out to them.
