I feel like a guy inside my head.

[skyhailey326]

I think like a guy, I act like a guy, I like guy's clothes.
Transgender or tomboy?

My mom always yells at me for acting more like a guy than a girl, and always tells me to be more lady like. But, I cuss 24/7 and I get along better with guys than I do girls. I prefer guys clothes over girls clothes. I love getting dirty and feeling tough. Idk.. I just... It's hard for me to explain considering I'm just coming to terms with it myself. I also talk about girls like I'm not like them, and I'm different than most "females"... And I always feel like I want to just be one of the guys.. I play tackle football with a bunch of guys whenever I get the chance. I remember feeling weird after my dad had cut all my hair off but I liked being mistaken as a guy; unless they went too far. I will only wear makeup whenever I'm told to (which is rarely). There has also been plenty of occasions when I've wanted to remove my breasts and get rid of my hips and butt. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like to have a penis. I feel so weird for feeling this way but I can't understand.. I'm more scared than anything. Can anybody help me figure this out, please? I wanna figure it out before and if I tell my mom...

[aleon515]

Welcome to Susan's bro!

--Jay

[skyhailey326]

Welcome to Susan's bro!

--Jay

Thanks.. I feel so lost :/

[Liminal Stranger]

Okay, you don't conform to the set expectations and standards of your assigned gender. That's the obvious part. But we're not defined by what we like and dislike. Think of those as "embellishments" on a core personality. That is the fundamental part of you that pretty much never changes, and that is the only part of you that can really answer this question. It's perfectly okay to be questioning, and whatever comes out of it is too. For me, I knew I was trans when I had a silent meltdown after a few formal events too many where people kept telling me what a beautiful young lady I was and said I shouldn't be lifting heavy things, to let the men do it. They told me to dress in the right clothes, talk like a lady, walk like a lady, and act like a lady. I knew this wasn't who I was for years, but never knew anything about being trans*. I lost interest in swimming because I had nothing but girls bathing suits. I lost interest in school because I was a girl to everyone there, started to lose interest in life. The internet saved me when I realized it was okay to be me. I didn't have to tell anyone what was or wasn't in my pants, and they'd be none the wiser. These past 2 or 3 years, I've been dressing in male clothes, and now I'm finally starting to pass, even without the hormones and surgeries I need so badly.

Who can tell you if you're trans? Only you. I knew when I couldn't stand being known as a girl anymore. For you, it could be anything under the sun that gives you your answer, but it will come from you. I recommend finding a therapist in your area, preferably one specializing in dealing with gender. Best of luck to you.

And yes, welcome to Susan's. We're here to help you, no matter what.

[skyhailey326]

Okay, you don't conform to the set expectations and standards of your assigned gender. That's the obvious part. But we're not defined by what we like and dislike. Think of those as "embellishments" on a core personality. That is the fundamental part of you that pretty much never changes, and that is the only part of you that can really answer this question. It's perfectly okay to be questioning, and whatever comes out of it is too. For me, I knew I was trans when I had a silent meltdown after a few formal events too many where people kept telling me what a beautiful young lady I was and said I shouldn't be lifting heavy things, to let the men do it. They told me to dress in the right clothes, talk like a lady, walk like a lady, and act like a lady. I knew this wasn't who I was for years, but never knew anything about being trans*. I lost interest in swimming because I had nothing but girls bathing suits. I lost interest in school because I was a girl to everyone there, started to lose interest in life. The internet saved me when I realized it was okay to be me. I didn't have to tell anyone what was or wasn't in my pants, and they'd be none the wiser. These past 2 or 3 years, I've been dressing in male clothes, and now I'm finally starting to pass, even without the hormones and surgeries I need so badly.

Who can tell you if you're trans? Only you. I knew when I couldn't stand being known as a girl anymore. For you, it could be anything under the sun that gives you your answer, but it will come from you. I recommend finding a therapist in your area, preferably one specializing in dealing with gender. Best of luck to you.

And yes, welcome to Susan's. We're here to help you, no matter what.

Thanks for the advice. Another thing is, I used to get called 'Sky the Guy' in elementary school because I never wore my hair down and always in a ponytail. Once my parents let me dress myself, I was lazy and I wore baggy clothes, unlike the rest of my female classmates. I've always felt there's something different about me.. Something wrong. I've just never known what it was. I wanna figure this out completely before telling my mom and going to a therapist (since I probably couldn't without telling her first). Whenever I'm with a girl, I feel like the masculine role in the relationship and I like that dominance I feel from it. I enjoy so many things that society rejects because it's not feminine. I feel like maybe becoming the opposite sex could relieve me from a lot of the stress I get from people's constant criticism. And maybe, I'll become more comfortable with myself and confident.

[Liminal Stranger]

Thanks for the advice. Another thing is, I used to get called 'Sky the Guy' in elementary school because I never wore my hair down and always in a ponytail. Once my parents let me dress myself, I was lazy and I wore baggy clothes, unlike the rest of my female classmates. I've always felt there's something different about me.. Something wrong. I've just never known what it was. My dad has mentioned to me in the past that I have high testosterone levels and that's why I have to use guy's deodorant and why I find girls attractive. I wanna figure this out completely before telling my mom and going to a therapist (since I probably couldn't without telling her first). Whenever I'm with a girl, I feel like the masculine role in the relationship and I like that dominance I feel from it. I enjoy so many things that society rejects because it's not feminine. I feel like maybe becoming the opposite sex could relieve me from a lot of the stress I get from people's constant criticism. And maybe, I'll become more comfortable with myself and confident.

Out of curiosity, would you happen to be from the US? maybe around the midwest or something- or some kind of small town setting? It sounds like you are. That aside, different doesn't have to be wrong. You yourself are not wrong for not being some kind of girly girl; n fact, you have the right to identify however you feel best suits you. High testosterone is a pretty silly reason to be attracted to girls and use deodorant for guys. It's good that you don't seem overly anxious over this, because there's a nasty thing called dysphoria that likes to slap us transguys and girls and everyone in between that our bodies aren't right. It can cause lots of anxiety and other problems for all of us and the people who care about us.

Be aware that should you be a transsexual (someone with the desire to transition physically and legally to the opposite sex), you may have to face issues with those who don't accept you. Some level of self-doubt is nearly always involved; it's unhealthy not to ever question if this is really the right thing. Observe the other guys. See if that's the life that appeals to you. See if you can identify with them, or even better- listen to the voice in your head. I promise you, even though everything seems confusing, it's far from being the end of the world, tomboy, transboy, or none of the above. It does get better. You just have to test out what your mind is telling you. Like I said before, a therapist is crucial in this because you can talk things over with a neutral voice of support who will be there just for you.

And I feel like a guy inside my head too :3

[skyhailey326]

Out of curiosity, would you happen to be from the US? maybe around the midwest or something- or some kind of small town setting? It sounds like you are. That aside, different doesn't have to be wrong. You yourself are not wrong for not being some kind of girly girl; n fact, you have the right to identify however you feel best suits you. High testosterone is a pretty silly reason to be attracted to girls and use deodorant for guys. It's good that you don't seem overly anxious over this, because there's a nasty thing called dysphoria that likes to slap us transguys and girls and everyone in between that our bodies aren't right. It can cause lots of anxiety and other problems for all of us and the people who care about us.

Be aware that should you be a transsexual (someone with the desire to transition physically and legally to the opposite sex), you may have to face issues with those who don't accept you. Some level of self-doubt is nearly always involved; it's unhealthy not to ever question if this is really the right thing. Observe the other guys. See if that's the life that appeals to you. See if you can identify with them, or even better- listen to the voice in your head. I promise you, even though everything seems confusing, it's far from being the end of the world, tomboy, transboy, or none of the above. It does get better. You just have to test out what your mind is telling you. Like I said before, a therapist is crucial in this because you can talk things over with a neutral voice of support who will be there just for you.

And I feel like a guy inside my head too :3

I'm not from a small town originally, but I sort of live in one now. And that was just my dad's theory. Believe me, I have tons of anxiety, I just express it through constantly shaking my leg rather than through a keyboard. Although I do tend to ramble.

[Liminal Stranger]

Hey, all the more reason to talk to someone experienced in helping to calm anxiety :3
But yeah- rambling doesn't have to mean anxiety. I just ramble because I've got the mind of a writer and the words flow from my fingers the way words would flow from my voice box if I were a girl. But I'm not, even though everyone seems to think so. No offense, but your dad sounds like he thinks testosterone is the ultimate elixir of manliness. While it is responsible for much of male puberty, it doesn't dictate your preferences or make you need a certain kind of deodorant. I used to shake my leg a lot when I was younger until I had family make fun of me for it, at which point I bottled things up. Protip: Don't bottle things up. It's bad.

Anyway, the internet is a haven for seekers of information. Any resources you need are likely to be floating around the magical land of the Interwebs somewhere, so hey- google stuff, search around here. With a bit of luck, you'll find lots of things to help you along the way.

Hoping the best for you, man. I've been where you are, and then far worse. I really hope you never go down a route of despair and self-hatred, because that's a bad place to be.

[skyhailey326]

Hey, all the more reason to talk to someone experienced in helping to calm anxiety :3
But yeah- rambling doesn't have to mean anxiety. I just ramble because I've got the mind of a writer and the words flow from my fingers the way words would flow from my voice box if I were a girl. But I'm not, even though everyone seems to think so. No offense, but your dad sounds like he thinks testosterone is the ultimate elixir of manliness. While it is responsible for much of male puberty, it doesn't dictate your preferences or make you need a certain kind of deodorant. I used to shake my leg a lot when I was younger until I had family make fun of me for it, at which point I bottled things up. Protip: Don't bottle things up. It's bad.

Anyway, the internet is a haven for seekers of information. Any resources you need are likely to be floating around the magical land of the Interwebs somewhere, so hey- google stuff, search around here. With a bit of luck, you'll find lots of things to help you along the way.

Hoping the best for you, man. I've been where you are, and then far worse. I really hope you never go down a route of despair and self-hatred, because that's a bad place to be.

I've already been down the self-hatred route and I can't seem to find myself. Oh! And I've always wished for a deep voice. When I was little, I always asked my dad when my voice was going to get deeper.

[aleon515]

LS is right about the appearance  and hobbies. Having male hobbies or dress does not make you transgender. It is pretty much how you feel inside that matters. Usually there is this mismatch that has been going on much of a person's life (but not always--some people actually don't know have trans feelings til later--though I wonder how many were repressing it in some way). A lot of times there is dysphoria about your body (chest, body shape, downstairs, etc.). It can vary from mild to profound. It can also be worse some times more than others.

Some people here are not really transsexual iow, they don't want to actually transition to male, but they feel like they are male at times and not others or maybe even feel that they are in between. Some people may feel that they are male and not physically transition at all. You can read other forums on susan's to get an idea of what goes on. (One helpful one might be the androgyne forum.)

Therapy is pretty helpful. You should go to a gender therapist. There are even some therapists that do Skype.

Anxiety and fear are common problems for trans people. I became very anxious for about 3-4 months. I was still able to function but it was tricky. Once I started really taking steps in my own transition, my anxiety lowered but first I had to actually figure out some things that were going on. Again therapy was wonderful for this. I was pretty lucky as I didn't get the intense self-hate. OTOH, when I was younger I was very depressed. Wondering now how much it had to do with this. (I'm an older guy.)

--Jay

[skyhailey326]

LS is right about the appearance  and hobbies. Having male hobbies or dress does not make you transgender. It is pretty much how you feel inside that matters. Usually there is this mismatch that has been going on much of a person's life (but not always--some people actually don't know have trans feelings til later--though I wonder how many were repressing it in some way). A lot of times there is dysphoria about your body (chest, body shape, downstairs, etc.). It can vary from mild to profound. It can also be worse some times more than others.

Some people here are not really transsexual iow, they don't want to actually transition to male, but they feel like they are male at times and not others or maybe even feel that they are in between. Some people may feel that they are male and not physically transition at all. You can read other forums on susan's to get an idea of what goes on. (One helpful one might be the androgyne forum.)

Therapy is pretty helpful. You should go to a gender therapist. There are even some therapists that do Skype.

Anxiety and fear are common problems for trans people. I became very anxious for about 3-4 months. I was still able to function but it was tricky. Once I started really taking steps in my own transition, my anxiety lowered but first I had to actually figure out some things that were going on. Again therapy was wonderful for this. I was pretty lucky as I didn't get the intense self-hate. OTOH, when I was younger I was very depressed. Wondering now how much it had to do with this. (I'm an older guy.)

--Jay

I have this, guilty pleasure you might call it, to look masculine. I want short, scruffy hair and muscles and to act how I want and be accepted for it.

[geek]

My dad has mentioned to me in the past that I have high testosterone levels and that's why I have to use guy's deodorant and why I find girls attractive.

Lol. Most ridiculous thing I've read in a while

[skyhailey326]

Lol. Most ridiculous thing I've read in a while

ONCE AGAIN, MY FATHER'S IDEA, NOT MINE... -.-

[AdamMLP]

ONCE AGAIN, MY FATHER'S IDEA, NOT MINE... -.-

No one was saying that it was your idea, or calling you stupid or anything, just that it's a ridiculous thing for him to say.

We can't say whether or not your trans, that's something you have to discover and think carefully about. It's fine to be a butch woman, and it's equally fine to be a trans man. Okay, it's not easy and some people aren't going to get it and be harmful to you, and but most of us don't have the option of carrying on as female for evermore.

Were you more comfortable being seen as male (you mentioned not liking them going too far so I'm not sure what you mean there)? Do you feel strongly enough about your body to need to change it?

[Devlyn]

No one was saying that it was your idea, or calling you stupid or anything, just that it's a ridiculous thing for him to say.

We can't say whether or not your trans, that's something you have to discover and think carefully about. It's fine to be a butch woman, and it's equally fine to be a trans man. Okay, it's not easy and some people aren't going to get it and be harmful to you, and but most of us don't have the option of carrying on as female for evermore.

Were you more comfortable being seen as male (you mentioned not liking them going too far so I'm not sure what you mean there)? Do you feel strongly enough about your body to need to change it?

Exactly what I was thinking.

[geek]

ONCE AGAIN, MY FATHER'S IDEA, NOT MINE... -.-

Yup, I didn't think you said it.   I mean his theory must be right with all the biological straight guys floating about.

But anyway, you'll have to find your own path, you can't try to let others carve one out for you, maybe you're just a round peg in a square hole, try to look past finding a label, and try to find yourself on your own terms, you'll get there

[skyhailey326]

Yup, I didn't think you said it.   I mean his theory must be right with all the biological straight guys floating about.

But anyway, you'll have to find your own path, you can't try to let others carve one out for you, maybe you're just a round peg in a square hole, try to look past finding a label, and try to find yourself on your own terms, you'll get there

Sorry about that.. And yeah, I'm trying.

[geek]

Sorry about that.. And yeah, I'm trying.

all good I can imagine it's a touchy subject for you

[skyhailey326]

all good I can imagine it's a touchy subject for you

Very touchy >.< Thanks for understanding.

[sneakersjay]

My sister was a big tomboy, and was very into sports (all of them) and played them well.  We used to joke she was the boy in the family.  But she also liked to tap dance and twirl the baton, and even though she dressed in ratty clothes most of the time, and disliked dresses, she still liked to put her makeup on and get dolled up for an event.

Me, on the other hand, thought I was a tomboy.  I was the one hanging out with the neighborhood boys, with the cows, catching frogs and toads, climbing trees, etc.  I wasn't into sports and also hated dresses.  I, too, preferred boys clothes and ratty clothes. But I loathed dresses and hated getting dressed up.  Never used makeup, wearing it made my skin crawl.  When i tried to look like a girl (my dad loved seeing his girls dressed up like little ladies!) I felt creeped out, fake, and couldn't wait for whatever event I was at to be over so i could change.  As an adult, I would take a bag with my comfortable clothes and as soon as I could take the girl clothes off, off they came.  I was so awkward and uncomfortable trying to pretend i was a girl; I never felt like one inside, even though clearly, physically, i was one.

Ditto on the therapist idea.  You are the only one who can determine who you are.  Questioning is great.  If you discover you are truly a tomboy, great! There is no law saying girls have to be feminine or weak or what have you.  There are many women in men's professions and the trades these days.  But YOU have to be comfortable as YOU.  If that means you are a rough and tumble girl, if that means you are lesbian (ie you prefer to date/fall in love with women, or if it means you really feel male and that your body is totally wrong for you, YOU are the only one who can decide that.

Good luck.