Just plain mental exhaustion

[spacial]

I also speak for some experience.

I have very little memory of the sexual abuse as such. I recall it, but as I was only about 3 years (or so, I could be wrong) the actual details have become clouded in clearly silly details. I really can't say if it happened once or several times.

But he didn't hurt me.

What he did do was awaken in me, feelings which I was incapable of dealing with. As a very young child I naturally turned to my mother. It was while she was bathing me, I asked her to wash me 'down there'. When she did, I pushed against her hand. My mother recoiled in horror.

My relationship never recovered from that.

But it was the isolation, partly because of the subsequent consequences of that abuse, but also others, that absolutely hurt me as it will, any child.

That I suspect, is what Lesley is struggling with and for that, I will reach out to her.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Volunteer options seem to escape me.

But I sure miss 'co workers', people you get to hang out with and just socialize with knowing they are there because they need to be and not because you asked them to do so.

I have 1 child or two depending on the context My son is tidier than my wife, and to be honest, I'd rather drag my sorry ass through cooking dinner than watch what she does to my kitchen just so I didn't need to cook dinner She's prone to not wanting to watch it, and as such things get burned more frequently or the pot boils over and makes a mess. I clean as I cook such that when I sit down, the kitchen is actually already clean except a few dishes.

Yep, the old expression 'when mom is sick' sure is true, but, I am the mom in this case hehe. And my mind feels a lot more 'relaxed' when I can walk past a clean kitchen into my hobby room (which is really the same room to some extent).

Immature has 'issues' attached to it I suppose, in the same way 'ignorant' actually means a lack of knowledge not the usual application referring to a person being offensive.
I see the word 'mature' and my mind sees 'dull', 'serious', 'unable to have fun'.
Youthful to me just means you have fewer wrinkles and can run faster than I can

Right now, though I am moving around the quite considerable library I own, and I am wondering if what I need is an extended visit to what would be 1980-1990 for me. A time when life was mainly a bookstore. I used to make a point of telling people if you can meet me and I don't have a book physically on my person I owe you a dollar. Never lost a cent in all my time in high school from that.

It's a double edged sword. I tend to hide in books. But often the books are non fiction science and history. It's damned hard to be highly educated and NOT serious. Anime was the solution I needed. I can hide in it and it is a world of almost nothing but teenagers being teenagers.

[Tessa James]

Lesley_Roberta, 
   
I share your sense of mental exhaustion.  Before accepting myself as transgendered I privately had less patience for the Trans people at diversity meetings that seemed so very troubled and could suck all the oxygen from the room with their needs.  I regret that and, of course now, more fully understand how pervasive and encompassing this transition in basic identity is.
Just explaining over and over again to friends and family what's going on and being honored by their sharing deeply personal truths is tremendously tiring.  Getting a good nights  sleep, good diet, socializing and exercise are all great advice but "take my advice, I'm not using it" 
Serotonin is a fundamental neurotransmitter and SSRI drugs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) can manipulate it.   Drugs like proxac work well for some but coping skills are pretty darn handy for what we are doing?
Thank you for sharing and please keep reading books.  Reading real books may become a lost art, like cursive?

Hugs,

Tessa James

[Lesley_Roberta]

Just to be a nit picker

Anime is to cartoon like manga is to comic

I have been to 3 AnimeNorth conventions actually been about 3 years since though. Went 3 years in a row then. Big convention in Toronto.

My first shock was holy crap it is half girls here! That and seeing 50k anime fans was also quite a surprise. It is also a good divide of manga and anime with neither dominating. I'd love to got to a Comket in Japan, but that's a serious sum of cash just for books

Yesterday I finally got out the Nexus 7 and watched an anime ep off of Crunchyroll (a streaming site for anime) while having my Tim Horton's hot chocolate. Initially I was concerned I would like 'odd' watching an anime. But then I realized, nope, right now my main concern is for people wondering why I am sitting here drinking hot chocolate and crying. Anime makes me cry a lot.