Confused

[poland1228]

Hi, I'm Poland. (I'm not from Poland, it's a nickname my friends call me...)

I've been questioning my gender for a while now. I was born female, but as long as I can remember, I've wished I was born a boy. I never really knew what transgendered was though, until I was about 16, and even then I thought it was something really rare, and that it couldn't possibly describe me. I was raised in a very conservative family too, which didn't help. But I'm in my first year of college now, and since leaving home, I've realized how wrong I was. I have a few friends who have transitioned or are in the process of transitioning and I find myself feeling really jealous of them. I just really want to cut my hair short and find a binder and wear male clothes, and at this point I don't really know what's holding me back. I think I'm just scared of what everyone will think.

So that's what brought me here. I just need to talk to someone and get things off my chest, and I thought this might help. So thanks for reading this.

[King Malachite]

Welcome to the site poland! 

There a lot of guys here that are more than willing to talk to you here and help you get things off your chest! A lot of guys here have been through what you are going through right now.

[DriftingCrow]

Welcome to Susans! Don't worry about being afraid about realizing who you truly are, everyone here is supportive and will help you figure things out on your journey.

Henry

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Poland,

Welcome to our little family. Over 10119  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Janet 

[Arch]

Sooner or later, you may very well get to a point where what other people think is not nearly as important as your own comfort and presentation. If you aren't at that point yet, you can always "play around" with your presentation. If you haven't already, buy a binder and maybe a packer. Walk around at home like that--unless you share digs with someone and are not comfortable with that. Or you can go to the movies that way and see how it feels. You can always come right back home again.

Try doing it in stages and see how you feel. Maybe you just like to play with gender, and having these little toys will be fun. Or maybe you will find that you depend on them but don't need to take any further steps. Or maybe this is the first step in a longer journey.

If you are jealous of friends who transition, that does seem like a red flag, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are a transsexual.

Welcome to the site!

[poland1228]

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. I've been looking for somewhere to go to help deal with these feelings, and I'm glad I found this site. I'm a student at a college that's very open and accepting for LGBT students, and we even have a social group for trans students, but I'm still nervous to actually put myself out there.

Ms. Obrien, thanks for the links. Very helpful for me.

Thanks for the advice, Arch. I was already thinking about doing just that. I'm just gonna do whatever makes me comfortable for now and see where it goes. It just bothers me not understanding myself. I always feel the need to have everything figured out, but I think for now I need to just let that go... I'm pretty jealous of all guys, really. I was always envious of my brother growing up. He got to wear suits instead of dresses, he got matchbox cars and legos for Christmas while I got endless Barbie dolls, he got to be in Boy Scouts and go hiking and fishing while I was learning how to knit in Girl Scouts... And that was all before puberty even...  :/