Hi everyone!
I'm Chris (short for Christopher.) I've been lurking here for the past few days and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm 23 (FTM) and just starting my journey towards transitioning. I am considering myself lucky that my therapist (who I have been seeing for a few years for non-related reasons) is supportive of me in this. My next big step will be coming out to my parents (unavoidable as I still live at home...) and any ideas on how to bring this up would be appreciated (I'm still drawing a blank.) I wrote a note (5 pages long!) to my therapist to explain how I was feeling and basically how I've come to terms with this.
I've known I don't associate as female most of my life (up until middle school it really didn't matter, though I often wished I was a boy) and realized I was actually trans in my senior year of high school. I did some looking into transitioning right after graduation, but my fear of doctors (and needles)-long story- scared me into trying to forget about it. So I kept it hidden, tried to convince myself I was a girl who liked boys' clothes or that it wasn't an issue I had to deal with. I created a mask to hide behind, and tore myself apart in silence. I've developed severe (legally disabling) social anxiety issues, mostly due to feeling like everyone must notice that there is something wrong with me. The disconnect between my mind and body has now become bad enough that I cannot ignore it or pretend it isn't there anymore. Just looking in the mirror or trying to find something to wear is causing panic attacks now.
I have finally come to the point where I have to face my fears. If I keep putting this off and hiding I will either drive myself insane, end up a hermit and/or end up killing myself (no I am not suicidal atm.) On a positive note I ordered my first binders (Tri Tops) and can't wait until they get here! (Thanks to all who posted reviews on binders they really helped me make a decision!) I hope it works in my favor that my parents and most who know me (outside of work) know that I've openly associated as gender neutral since high school...this may not come as quite as huge a shock as it could.
Hmmm....sorry that was so long!
Chris
