Facebook

[Liminal Stranger]

Apparently there's this thing called Facebook that lets you connect with your friends anyplace, anytime! 

I don't have a facebook account. That kind of sucks because half the stuff that goes down in school, goes down online. Lots of my classes have facebook groups as well, and discuss things relevant to material from that day or whatever. Which makes this old dinosaur in a kid's body left out of the loop, ironically since he's the one who fixes half the broken technology in that school. I want to make an account, not just to see what I've been missing but to chicken out of going around telling all my friends individually that I'm a transguy, and I'm not walking in that building tomorrow without getting this off my chest.

I recently made a post whining about how scary the thought of coming out is, but it's just massive to tackle in general and I've somehow mustered up the courage to do something really ballsy and show my face in school tomorrow.

On a scale of one to Joker, how crazy would it be if I made an account under my old name, friend requested all my friends, made a coming out post with humorous illustrations, and then linked to an account in the name I want?

Pointers from anyone who has come out over facebook would be cool too. Thanks in advance guys!

[aleon515]

I actually have two accounts. I am not totally out so I have an acct that is sort of my old acct. I was able to change to a more androgynous name, so I don't have to look at the old one. My old friends took to the new name very well. The new one is a lot of trans folks and people who know I am transgender. I can talk about trans issues and stuff, as I am active in the trans community.

--Jay

[Liminal Stranger]

Yeah, I've thought about leaving both, but I'd rather just leave the one with my old name as a dead account to redirect anyone who doesn't currently know so that they come out on the other side 

I'm giving myself the green light though. High school kids are mean but an astounding amount of the kids at my school are part of the rainbow in one way or another, and only a small minority aren't bleeding-heart liberals. I think it'll be okay.

[democration]

I'm originally from Oklahoma and my entire family consists of die-hard Christians and Republicans.

I came out on Facebook.

This happened a few months after I graduated high-school, and I actually made a point beforehand to delete anyone on my friends list that I didn't regularly talk to. I doubt that anyone would have been rude about it, but I didn't necessarily care to tell them because I don't anticipate ever speaking to any of them again. The leftover friends were close ones in real life and from online, and also family. I didn't have a single friend who wasn't supportive. My family, however, had some offensive things to say online.

All in all, it made my mom look like a really crappy person. I love her to death and I know she loves me, but she took it really hard. We talked about it on the phone and she was fine, then she went online and scolded me and any friends that tried to defend me. She posted something the other day and tagged me as her daughter, so while I thought we were done with this, it's clearly still an issue to be discussed. But, I digress...

Overall, I'm satisfied with having come out online. It's a little unnerving to not be sure whether someone has seen it or not, but the news made it around my family pretty quickly. Everyone knew within a couple of weeks.

I don't live with my family, and don't communicate with them that often. I think that it's been harder to get them to accept this because of that, in that they don't see me often enough for me to make an issue out of improper pronouns or whatever. I'm on T and they all know it, but as far as I can tell... they're just ignoring it.

In respect to my own family, through coming out on Facebook, it hasn't been an issue discussed much in person. Most of my extended family knows, and I know that they know, but we don't talk about it. They haven't mentioned it in more than a comment or two online, and that's how I like it personally. I don't particularly care what they think as long as they're not harassing me, and even if they were supportive, I'd probably be uncomfortable discussing it with them face-to-face. It's just not an issue I really want to talk about, if I don't have to.

[aleon515]

Well I am considerably older than you. I'd be VERY cautious in HS. I have taught HS so I know just how mean they can be. Everyone I have told (with one exception) has been very supportive and understanding. Though I have not told my sister yet. I do NOT expect her to be supportive and understanding.

The two accts are because I am not 100% yet. I am not out at work at all (I have told 5 people) and I have not changed my name yet and I have not started T (one more week?). The two accts are so I can maintain my friendships or whatever until I come out and I have the other so I can really be myself and talk trans stuff and all that. "I love when it says "Jay ______ has updated *his* profile".

--Jay

[Darkflame]

I'm in the process of switching over my facebook to my new name and gender, and I'm treading cautiously. Everything is really planned out, main people are being told face to face irl, and I'm completely prepared to deal with any BS I might get, I don't have to deal with them so it doesn't matter. If I was in high school, I would not be doing this. School in general is like a fish bowl. You're stuck in it and you want to do everything you can to make sure the other fish don't eat you alive. If there people who are jerks about it, you still have the possibility of running into them every day    do you really want to deal with that kind of harassment?

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying be really realistic about what you expect and what you want to accomplish, tread carefully

[Jayne]

I was going to change the name on my account but decided to set up a second one, every so often I remember the password for my old account & check it, i've been tracked down by several people I knew at school over the years, I put a message up saying that i'm creating a new account, if anyone wanted the details they could pm me to get a link.
Most of the people I was at school with pm'd me & so far none of them have seemed surprised that i've come out as trans.

I'm keeping the account in case anyone else from my past ever wants to track me down, i'll tell them straight away & re-direct them to the new real account

[FTMDiaries]

I'm keeping the account in case anyone else from my past ever wants to track me down, i'll tell them straight away & re-direct them to the new real account

That's a good idea.

My Facebook is still in my old name. I went through a spate of tracking down old friends last year so that I could add as many people as possible before I change my name and they have no idea who's trying to add them.

I've been planning to come out on Facebook but it does mean coming out to my Dad before I do so (he lives in Africa, I'm in the UK). My step-mother, brother and sister (who live with Dad) are my friends on Facebook so I think he deserves to hear it directly from me instead of second-hand from them.

I'm still trying to pluck up the courage to send that very detailed email to him. Until then, the only thing I've done is to remove my gender on FB and to change my relationship status to 'It's complicated', which is the understatement of the century.

Anyway, my privacy settings are ramped up to the max because I don't want potential employers reading about the drama if they research me. I have a pretty unique name so it'd be easy for them to link me to my FB if it were made public.

[Jayne]

After posting about keeping my old account I spent an hour trying to guess which password out of the 5 I use, each one has variations so if someone guesses on password they can't use it easily on other accounts/forums.

I had received a message from a manager I had 5 yrs ago, he's got a wicked sense of humor but some days we'd have shouting matches because the work was hard & when you've lifted 50 - 60 tonnes in a night the adrenaline/testosterone can get out of hand & tempers did flare.
i told him about the changes in my life & got this reply:
Alot has happened since i left (company name removed) i see,hope all goes well with the op, came as bit of shock that i can tell you, but glad you found out what makes you happy, you have to send mobile number so i can send you jokes,

It's definately a good idea to keep an account in your old name

[Liminal Stranger]

So, did what I did and set it up so that it's confined to the people I trust but haven't had the courage to tell. It felt good to say it, too, so at least now I have a little corner of the world that will brighten.

[Jayne]

Good for you Liminal, we all need to feel we have a safe refuge.

Congratulations

Jayne

[Liminal Stranger]

Thank you! I'm just glad that I had the sense to set it so everything's limited to my friend circle. Next step, make an account with my preferred name, but I'm going to get a tumblr. Giving in to the social media wave for now. Just not twitter...never twitter.

[Devin87]

I changed my name on Facebook before I told anyone I wanted to change it irl.  There's one of those made up "holiday" days in April that's like "Name Yourself Day" and I waited for that day and then was like "HAPPY NAME YOURSELF DAY!" and just changed it and then never changed it back.  It's crazy how powerful seeing a name on Facebook day in and day out can be to get friends thinking of you by that name.  I have friends who have gone by their middle name or initials or a nickname on Facebook and sometimes I have trouble remembering their actual name because I'm so used to seeing their Facebook name.  It's a very powerful tool.

[Darkflame]

I'm completely out on Tumblr, it's the most liberal place. You won't run into any problems on there. I'm pretty sure like 3/4 of Tumblr is LGBT anyway 

[Liminal Stranger]

I'm glad I go to a heavily liberal school and not one of the normal ones, because that means there's more hope for acceptance. So far the only negative response I've gotten is from my mother, and my father is just being Dad the Weird Robot and distancing himself as usual while proclaiming that he cares.

Man I need to talk to my therapist. The stress with my mother has infiltrated almost every post I make lately.

[Jayne]

Devin87, if you think that's bad, after playing lost Planet every night & weekend for 3 years a group of us went to Scotland for a party, half an hour after we all met up we agreed that we'd never remember these new names so we used our gamertags.
For some people they thought it was strangle that there was a group from all over the UK calling each other Soly, Gargoyle, Chavers, Hippy Chick & Ulkesh (that's my old gamertag)
The strangest thing was we'd never seen each other till that day but over 3 years we'd formed our own mental picture to match the voice, you'd turn to respond to soly's voice for example & see a stranger, then the stranger spoke & sounded like soly as the night wore on & the drinking increased it got more & more confusing

[Darth_Taco]

I just changed my name and gender on there, didn't even bother with a coming out post. I was originally going to make a new account, but then I found out my father was looking for me again. Since I have no interest in having a "relationship" with him again or deal with the crap after when he decides he doesn't like me after all and randomly cuts me off all over again, I felt it best to erase any traces of the me he "knew" so he can't find me. It worked for the best.

[Jayne]

Darth, I understand the desire to not be contacted by family members who will definately not accept you.
My father will never accept me being trans, he hates gay people & as a child I used to hear him say they should rounded up & sent to an island so they couldn't reproduce & the world would be able to eradicate gays that way!!

The only lie i've told to therapists is that my dad has been told i'm trans & has sent the message that he wants nothing to do with me, the truth is I know his response & I refuse to put myself through that, I haven't spoken to him for many years & i'm much happier without him in my life.

[Shang]

[Are you going to add me? ]

But, good for you.   I know how awesome it is to see the right name. ^^ I've currently got two accounts as others have said, but I'm not fully out to everyone just yet.  I was going to do what you did, though, and just post I'm trans* on my female account and direct others to the other page.

[spacerace]

I'm curious what people who are now completely stealth do with facebook? Especially if anyone had to cut off their family completely because of ignorance, nonacceptance, other issues - etc.